"The Annual All Time Best of the Worst Country Song Titles"
     as printed in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
 
-Do You Love As Good As You Look
-Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
-Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
-Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart
-Heaven's Just A Sin Away
-Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind
-Her Cheatin' Heart Made A Drunken Fool Out Of Me
-I Don't Know Whether To Come Home Or Go Crazy
-I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
-I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2
-I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
-I May Be Used (But Baby I Ain't Used Up)
-I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonite
-I'm Gettin' Gray From Being Blue
-I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
-I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
-I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare
Line
-If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me Her Memory Will
-If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
-If The Jukebox Took Teardrops I'd Cry All Night Long
-If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure
-If You Can't Feel It (It Ain't There)
-It Ain't Love But It Ain't Bad
-It Don't Feel Like Sinnin' To Me
-Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
-Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed
-(Pardon Me) I've Got Someone To Kill
-She Feels Like A New Man Tonight
-She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
-The Last Word In Lonesome Is "me"
-Touch Me With More Than Your Hands
-Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
-When We Get Back To the Farm (That's When We Really Go To Town)
-You Hurt The Love Right Out Of Me
-You're A Cross I Can't Bear
-You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

Courtesy Molly Ivins (see Ms., 1988)
-I Was Country, When Country Wasn't Cool
-She Got the Gold Mine, I Got the Shaft
-Don't the Girls All Get Prettier at Closing Time
-I Gave Her a Ring, She Gave Me the Finger
-Ruuuby, Don't Take Your Love to Town
-Don't Come Home A-Drinkin' with Lovin' on Your Mind
-You Done Stompt on my Heart, an' Squished That Sucker Flat
-Everything You Touch Turns to Dirt
-Drop-kick Me, Jesus, Through the Goalposts of Life
-I Wrote a Hot Check to Jesus
-Would Jesus Wear a Rolex on His Television Show?
-Her Teeth Was Stained but Her Heart Was Pure
-I'm Gonna Hire a Wino to Decorate Our Home
-Four on the Floor and a Fifth under the Seat
-She's Actin' Single, I'm Drinkin' Doubles
-Hello, Walls
-She Used My Tears to Wash Her Socks
-My Bride's Wedding Dress was Wash-and-Wear
-You Are Just Another Sticky Wheel on the Grocery Cart of Life