"It's waving your hands with a piece of chalk in them."
               -- Jonathan Kulick in topology seminar, March 28 '88

"Friends, who among us can say that morality is really right?"
      -- Don Shimamoto, on yet another topology handout

"In the wrong hands it could be dangerous, but this does not mean you
should put it in your mouth."
      -- DS, loc. cit.

"CYCLES MOD BOUNDARIES"

"And then, as we know, Caesar went on to attack Gaul with gerundives
and ablative absolutes."
     -- Prof. Turpin, in First-RomanYearRepublicLatin

"There are feminine images of Jesus -- 'Would I like a mother hen take
you under my wing.'  It's a feminine image.  It's also a bird image,
but..."
               -- AJ

"So, what's on your mind, if you'll pardon the overstatement?"
               -- P. G. Wodehouse, as quoted in _The_637_Best_Things_
                  _Anybody_Ever_Said_

"It's just another part of the friendly rivalry between our two great
nations.  Like piano competitions, the Olympics... the arms race..."
           -- Alex to Russian chess champion (on Family Ties, a TV show)

"A tautology is a thing which is tautological."
               -- Nathan Tenny's signature file on USENET sci.math

"I am the last of England's stately homos."
      -- Quentin Crisp

"And now for a few words of my own."
      -- Hubert Humphrey, having finished and pocketed a (ghostwritten)
         campaign speech in 1972 (quoted in _The_New_Republic_, April
         18, 1988, p. 19

"The perfect gift for the friend who has everything: a burglary."
               - Jim

"If the universe is closed, does that mean the little light will go
off?" -James Deane

"Bacon wasn't a scientist, he was a propagandist" -Mary Tiles

"...they were forging a galactic empire..."
               --someone at a panel at I-Con VII (so did they get
caught with the counterfeit, or did they pass it off successfully?)

"Writers are readers who just want to take part."
               --Barry N. Malzberg, quoting someone.

"...a quest...for the Golden Codpiece, or whatever."
               --James Morrow, on fantasy quests

"You know what we are?  We're baggies of blood."
               --Harlan Ellison, on why he doesn't like hack-&-slash movies

"Some things in science we just have to take on faith."
               --Judith Tarr, quoting someone

"Shit, I just WRITE them, I don't UNDERSTAND the stuff."
               --Harlan Ellison, on critical interpretations of his work.

"If your idea of culture is developing the most beautiful aria ever
sung, you can be a blue whale and do that.  Even if there's not much
else you can do and be a blue whale."
               --Karen Anderson, on sentience without hands

"Last night God appeared to me in my hotel room.  She" [sic] "spoke to
me from a burning bush.  Unfortunately, I didn't understand a word of
it -- I don't speak Bush."
               --Harlan Ellison

"I would rather have a hysterectomy than work for that show."
               --Harlan Ellison on Star Trek (and ST:TNG)

"Reality is nothing more than a collective hunch."
               --Anonymous

"They're there to enlighten and educate, and opinionate, and analyze
and tear apart the work of hundreds of artists over a two year period
in the space of two minutes."
               -- Chevy Chase, about critics

"The ballots will then be tabulated and the winners will be chosen
honestly and according to the following criteria: if you're old and
haven't won one yet..."
               -- Chevy Chase, reading the rules for the Oscars

At room choosing:
      "We need a fourth!"
      "For what?"
      "Bridge!"

"The New Jerusalem descends to Earth.  It descends as a bride and
marries the lamb.  That's an interesting visual image -- a city
marrying a sheep."
               -- AJ, on Revelation

"DANCE 10
 KINSEY 6"
               -- T-shirt idea of Leonard Brown, USENET soc.motss

"Now they keep condoms by the register with the 'impulse' items.  It's
fun to Aread the labels -- know what trojans say now?  'new shape.'  I
didn't know this was necessary!"
               -- some comedian

"The Vatican just declared No Surrogate Mothers.  Good thing they
didn't say this before Jesus was born."
               -- some other comedian

"I was walking through the desert, and a ufo landed right in front of
me.  Three aliens got out, and they were one inch tall.  I said, "hey,
are you guys really one inch tall?" and they said, "No, we're very far
away."

"My uncle was a clown.  He died, and all his friends came to the
funeral in the same car."

"I live on a one-way dead end street.... I don't know how I got there."

"My girlfriend was using the Pill... wearing a diaphragm... and an IUD.
She had a baby last month.  It was born wearing armor."

"My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted."

"I was walking down the street wearing my glasses, when the
prescription ran out."
               -- all Steve Wright, of course

"You know, if Steve Wright ever forgot his routine, no one would
notice."
               -- some other comedian

"I'm very fond of Cleveland / I spent a month there one day..."
               -- some song

"I'm calling from a phone booth at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk."
               -- from _The_637_Best_Things_Anybody_Ever_Said_

"A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices"
               -- William James

"Don't you have any dehydrated bat's blood, jellied spiders, or dead
man's hair?"
"No, we don't keep that stuff around the house -- we're vegetarians."
               -- _The_Raven_

"But you might be killed!"
"I hope not."
               -- a dramatic moment in _The_Raven_

"He's on the fringes of society, which means the mainstream of
Swarthmore."

"Bars are exactly like Romper Room."
              --Luke Crabtree from Modern Phil seminar

"Do not do to someone else that which would be distasteful to you." -Hillel

"Can you imagine a mathematician writing _Moby_dick?
     'Let my name be Ishmael, let the captain's name be Ahab, let the boat's
      name be Pequod, and let the whale's name be as given in the title.' "
                   --Barry A. Cipra, in The Math. Intelligencer, Spring 88

               "ITALIAN BUFFET.
                 BON APPETIT!"
                               -- the menu board in Sharples,
                                  May 5, 1988

"Famous, but unfortunately very obscure."
      -- Tom Mitchell in the Cicero seminar, on some Greek Stoic
         philosopher whose name I have momentarily forgotten; Fall
         1986 (remember then?  I found this one while reviewing for
         an external exam.)

"She was a very strange woman, sort of like a diseased sidewalk --
at once unimaginable, terrifying, and eerily sad."
      --David Huddleston, on his 6th-grade teacher Ms. Cade.

"His early work appears to be science fiction, but it is actually
social criticism and satire."
      --someone on TV, re Kurt Vonnegut

"This is the last quotation of the Prime era."
      --me

"Now fifty milliseconds may not seem like a long time to you..."
	-P. Kellman

"How many animals did Nixon take on the ark?"
	-P. Kellman

"I'll give you a break by lecturing on this difficult material while
you are working on your take-home exam..."
	-S. Maurer

"I wish I lived in some place reasonable like Roberts or Palmer, 
instead of in Dana." -J. Hines

"Why don't I have any access to the GRAFITTI file?  Why are these .LIS 
files instead of .TXT files?  What's the difference anyway?  Inquiring 
minds and all that."  --Jed Hartman

"Sorry about that.  It's _all_ fixed now."  -Michael Bernstein

"I want to use the same notation in a smaller universe, which is why I'm 
putting hats everywhere."  --who else but S. Maurer, 9/23/88

"Example 2.18  Sex Distribution"
	--Fred Roberts, _Applied Combinatorics_, p. 44.

"Another example of a simple game is the U.N. Security Council."
	--ibid., p. 59.

"Example 4.16  Indistinguishable Men and Indistinguishable Women"
	--ibid., p. 167

"Drop acid, not classes."
	--DuPont bathroom wall, 9/28/88

"So tell me, Mr. Babbage -- will it give me the right answer if I give it 
the WRONG numbers?"  --Nick Jackiw, quoting someone on the Net.

"The only question is: can any mortal really understand what ADA is doing 
to YOU?"	--C. Kelemen, 9/28/88

"My theory is that doing something useful is a side effect."
	--same class, same Dan Rice.

As a large backrub circle started to form on the Caritas retreat:  "Three, 
four,..., seven -- acquaintance orgy!"

Response to student asking where the prof got his solution: "I made it up."
                --P. Kellman

"If you leave here tonight with nothing else, at least leave with a
record."         --Romanovsky and Phillips concert

"If you've had half as much fun as we have tonight, we've had twice as
much as you."    --ibid.

"I am the son of poor Greek immigrants."
	--Michael Dukakis

"A thousand points of light!"
	--George Bush

"'Flexible freeze' sounds like some kind of economic slurpee!"
	--M.D.
"-- Especially with little kids -- 'cause they're like rubber!"
                --Jessica Hines

rigorous math:  "From now on when we think of a solution x(t) of (1.1.1) 
and (1.1.2) we shall understand that x(t) is absolutely continuous, it 
satisfies (1.1.1) almost everywhere, and it satisfies (1.1.2)."
                --Avner Friedman, _Differential_Games_
             [A solution of (1.1.1) satisfies (1.1.1) ALMOST EVERYWHERE?!]

"Citizens United to Restore the Hapsburgs Real Soon"
                --Elliott Moreton   (You, too, can be a member!)

"If you eat too much cabbage, you'll have to go to the bathroom."
                --Janice Frankel, on the dangers of some vegetables

"O.K., fine -- screw animals for now."
                --JnMS, at shared-world-building
   
"She's hitting on me again!"
		--same, in response to being whacked brutally about
		  by Jess Hines

"Vote no on November 8th."
		--same, in response to the Presidential "election"

"I can't understand why you people aren't afraid of me."
		-- W.F. Turpin

"The main thing about these floggings - aside from the fact that they
hurt..."
		-- Turpin on embarassment

"We don't ride white chargers anymore, but there are still a few
of us left."
		-- Oliver Queen on chivalry

">blam!<  >blam!<  'Stop!'  >blam!<  >blam!< 'Police!'"
		-- A button seen at Orccon '87

"Orcs aren't so bad--if you use a lot of ketchup."
		-- same

"Fight organized crime: abolish the IRS."
		-- same (often seen on Josh nM Smith's backpack)

"Fight freeway terrorism: abolish the highway patrol."
		-- Josh nM Smith (who wants this made into a button)

"Kitty and I are the sons of poor Greek immigrants."
		-- Off the Cuff

"The feminization of the English language
  Part I: the degradation		Part II: the rectification

     huMAN				    woMAN
     huperSON				    wowoMAN
     huperoffspring			    wowowoMAN
     huboy!				    wowowowoman
					    dame"
		-- Cornell bathroom graffiti.

"I couldn't see the forest for the trees."
--Sue Lorensen, 10/18/88, on a Ling article dealing with metrical tree diagrams.

"We don't have volunteers; we have victims."
	--Donna Jo Napoli, 9/20/88

"These fellows all get pinched in the end."
	--T. S. Eliot

"Marry up one guy to anyone he cares for, then marry the rest by induction."
	--S. Maurer, of course., 11/16

"I talked about people and jobs, but we could make it more exciting by talking 
about males and females."
	--ibid., 11/9

"The trick is to suddenly go color-blind."
	--ibid., 10/19

"This is what we call a proof by abstract nonsense."
	--ibid., 10/5

"That's because you've been brainwashed into thinking calculus is good for 
you." 	--ibid., 9/30

"Moreover, for all practical purposes, each type of error is in infinite 
supply."	--Fred Roberts, _Applied Combinatorics_, p. 169.

"All right, put SWIL away."
	--S. Maurer yet again, 9/15/88, to a class half-composed of SWILfolk.

"Ur is this place where you come from and then become the patriarch of all 
patriarchs."
	--Abbe Blum, 9/19/88

"Someone comes onstage with a smoking knife."
	--ibid., on _King Lear_, V.iii.225

"Act two, scene four, is where Angelo directly puts the moves on Isabella in 
the slimiest of ways.  It's a great scene."
	--ibid., on _Measure for Measure_

"I'm not just crazy -- I'm female."
	--Emily Gibson

"With whom do you hang out?  --to put it technically."
	--Abbe Blum again

"God is pretty cool..."
	--Jessica Hines

"You know, if my life flashed before my eyes, I think the predominating image 
would be pizza."
--Michael B.

"When people in a conversation get morally outraged, their arguments go all to 
hell."
	--Jed Hartman

"Kings will have to be stacked, or some reasonable facsimile thereof."
	--Chris Cobb, on Live Checkers game

"Space itself, so clean, so empty, so tidy, now looked like a million million 
light-years of tapioca pudding -- gummy, mushy, sticky, not fit to breathe, not 
fit to swim in."
	--Cordwainer Smith, "Drunkboat"

"These men are all talk.  What we need is action - action!"
       -- No, not Sunburn, but John Brown, the man responsible for the
	  Harper's Ferry massacre.

"But those are just dishes.  What about your personal identity?"
       --Phil Kellman, talking about object permanence 

"Taxation without representation is cheaper!"
	--Geoff Hopcraft