It'll never vote in Southern California. i caught a mouse and plastered up its house and looked up 'grouse' and know nothing of Toulouse Lautrec (or the equivalent) My, but this is boring. Whatever happened to those vigorous, piercing comments of the great wits of last semester? Whatever happened to those great comments of the vigorous, piercing semesters of last wits? (at the end of their wits?) They all graduated. Like a cylinder. Bees R nice They look like rice They don't eat mice They ride on bic- ycles. I've put the Were-leaders' addresses in the file "Jed/shanna," please use them...and your imagination. -ak Thank you all for I'm sorry, but this simply won't do. This file needs youthful vigor, biting wit, and piercing insight, instead of the drowsy ramblings that have wasted the last couple of hundred lines. Where has all the humor gone? (long time paaassing...) OKAY, FINE. But you can't expect us to write inspired-ly without inspiration, and your last comment, not to put to fine a point on it, isn't particularly inspiring. Besides, all the good stuff is in quotations. Why beholdest thou the beam in thy brother's eye, etc. ? You'd look pretty funny with beams in your eyes, beams in your eyes, beams in your eyes. . . The perfect truck for avid card-players: a '52 pickup. GRAFITTI is not only misspelled, it's dying. "God is dead." --Nietzsche (spelling corrected.) "Nietzsche is dead." --God "God and Nietzsche are both dead." --the Existentialist "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead." --Shakespeare, Stoppard, et. al. "I'm dead." --the dead soldier from QUOTATIONS "Frodo lives!" --graffito "In the long run, we're ALL dead." -- John K. Galbraith (in the long walk...) (there, now it's just like it is in QUOTATIONS) "Nietzsche is God, but he died in the end." -- Michael Dunkins "Which end did he die in?" --curious (but innocent) byworker Quotations... grafitti... Isn't it interesting that most people seem to write more interesting things in the SWIL account when they're quoting someone else? They ought to make academic plagiarism mandatory! But haven't you noticed that a lot of graffiti on REAL walls is quotations, either real or made up? Such as: "To be is to do." --J.S. Mill (I have no idea if these two "To do is to be." --Plato are correctly attributed...) "Do be do be do." --Sinatra "Scooby Doobe Do!" --Shaggy "...he will do his duty, and his duty is to dooby-dooby-doo..." --P.Schickele I mean, THAT's graffiti. Combinations of quotations, not just quotations themselves... She Bop Balloobop, She bought bamboo. She bought, Bulue bought, she bought bamboo. Honestly! NO, really! "My sense of sight is very keen My sense of hearing weak. One time I saw a mountain pass But could not hear its peak." --unknown (yeah, I know, should be in quotations...) My aunt Emma, she bought bamboo, she bought bamboo did she buy? Michael row the kum-ba-yah, doo-da, doo-da... "Plato! Right! He was a GOOD one, wasn't he?" --G.B. Trudeau, '74-'75ish I hate to say this, but something won't let me not... "plato shrimp" PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!! I never even saw the movie!! This says something, probably important, but beats the hell out of me what... I'd like to cast my vote for DRUNK.DEESS as the best file title of the semester (with a special award presented to GRAFITTI for being spelled consistently wrong in flagrent disobeyance of the Phoenix). -Jim, MoI I'll go along with it's nomination as a title, but it isn't here anymore - it's done been deleted, by permission of El Caso Grande himself! L.K.: So Grand! Nobody for SWIL President! Nobody can avoid bad feelings about elections, nobody can get us films like Star Trek IV this coming semester, nobody can triple our membership overnight and make us millions of dollars in the process, nobody is perfect. Vote Nobody! (U.S. out of Swarthmore in '86!) (Duck's Breath in '88!) There's NO weather like SNOW weather like NO weather I wish... You can't have everything... Where would you put it? I was playing poker with Tarot cards. Got a full house and 4 people died. I have some powdered water, but I don't know what to add... I have a shell collection. You may have seen it; I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. I got the wrong number yesterday. I said, "Hello, is Joey there?" A woman answered, said "Yes, he is." I said "Can I talk to him, please?" She said, "He can't talk right now. He's only 3 months old." I said, "Okay, I'll wait." --- all the above 5 whatchamajiggers are by Steven Wright, not me, honest! I'm not that funny! --YOU'RE in trouble! I think they work better when said. Especially with that deadpan intonation. I like the shells one. More Steve Wright: I put a humidifier and a dehumidifier in the same room and let them fight it out. I put wax in my humidifier, and now everything in the room is shiny." "I named my dog Stay. So when I call hi, I say "Come here...stay...come here...stay. Now he walks like this" (and you can picture the rest) This isn't how the last quote goes, it ends something like: "It was great when he was a puppy, but now he just sits there and keeps typing." I'm a terrible artist. The flower is overrivering! "Whenever I get depressed, I read GRAFITTI." -- Michael Dunkins "Whenever I read graffiti, I get depressed." -- Duncan Michaels A new disease! Grafession! (deep-feeti?) A new perversion! Grafetish! Make up a matching quote for the real one (I'll start): "Full fathom five thy father lies." "I pushed him. I apologize." "I've never seen a purple cow." "I've never ceased slurping 'Zow'." what is ersatz Kafka, anyway? Better than a real-to-real tape recorder! I hereby propose the following Weirdlist, in order that it may serve to be a receptacle of ideas about THINGS THAT BE WEIRD. I start the list: Talking to yourself in two different voices and then all of a sudden forgetting which one of you is talking. That's MUCH weirder than anything I could think of, so I won't. Three days and this thing is dying if you people don't get creative. So Hurry and get creative! What is a weirdlist? What should one put in a weirdlist? Roz Chast cartoons? Donald Duck posters? EXAMPLE # 1: A photograph of a drunk mouse. Why is that weird? Is that weird? Don't you just mean nonsensical? And what is art, anyway? This is good, let's get a dialogue going here. Nonsensicla implies that there is the concpet makes no sense, that there is no inherent truth behind it. Weird implies differentiation from the norm, twisting of standard concepts to create something new and different... Hey, check out the spelling in that last paragraph! Talk about weird... "Nonsensicla" "concpet" "Wird" "os"... It's almost like a whole new language! And what is "normality," anyway? --Please note that it is NOT "normalcy"; "normalcy" was coined by one of our great presidents. I heard some really weird noises coming from the Clothier belltower today... So I can't type, so shoot me, what can I say, if you don't like the typing type it yourself or correct it orsomething like that. Can't space right,either. This is beginning to look like a whole new GRAFITTI. How weird. Here's a weird idea: a Siamese family! The family that grows together, grows together. The family that sticks together, sticks together. You're right, this belongs in grafitti! I just had to say, I am weird. And I hope all the rest of us are too, and that we always will be. Death to those who would deny zaniness! Death to all fanatics! (Whoops, sorry, that was almost a quotation) Death to Death! (ashes to ashes, dust to dust, yeah, we know.) Life to Wator! And Eliza! And Shrdlu! and most of all to Racter, the great philospher who authored _The_Policeman's_Beard_is_Half-Constructed_. Does it disturb you that _The_Policeman's_Beard_is_Half-Constructed_.? Life to Lipids. What are Lipids, and do they deserve to live? For that matter, who was Killroy, and who am I? For a file that is accused of dying, GRAFFITTI seems to be in good shape, of course, this is my first time into it, so what do I know? Could Swarthmore declare itself to be an independent country? and would anyone else care if we did? What if someone held a letter writing table, and no one came? Would they need a writ of habeas corpus? Picture the flag of the free state of Swarthmore... Giant Snowballs resplendent against a field of red...or, maybe... Or maybe a Red flag with a picture of Fraser on it. No, it must include things central to life at swarthmore. How about an occupied computer terminal and an open tome, with a mound of broccolli-cheese-bake on it? The Nephaliths of Snowhenge have melted! The Marquis of Calaba is drowning! Fight for Pacifism! and what would wittle pussy wussy in cutsey wittle bootsies want for din-din? E, R, K, H, & E were happening to be together (remarkably enough) at dinner the other day and the following sort of evolved. I never met a killer bee. I hope to never meet one. But I can tell right now to thee, I'd rather meet than eat one. A killer bee has ne'er ate me; It me has never noticed; But I can tell me from a bee (I hope that you don't quote this.) A swimmer whose clothing was strewed By breezes that left her quite nude Saw a man come along, And, unless I am wrong, You expected this line to be lewd. Because I could not stop for Death... He had to walk. He clasps the crag with crooked hands Close to the sun in lonely lands And, like the village smith, he stands Under the spreading chestnut tree! The chestnut tree which spreads above May house a tern, or happy dove, Symbol of e'erlasting love; The eagle eats them happily... He cautiously entered the room and turned on the light switch. Suddenly, photons rushed at him at 186,000 miles per second! He tried to duck, but he was too late! Photon after photon smashed into his retinas, enabling him to... SEE. (Uh-ohh) (@ c) I could be free-associating, but thenagain, maybe a cardwheel blocks the path. Only the question? But no. And then, why could he see? Was there a chance that Perry ("Winkle") Teel was at the door? When the bloodmuffins boiled, that too was gone. And all that remained was a slightly musty smell of fried soap. Splish splash, I was taking a bath. Why doesn't that rhyme? --It does. The vowel sounds rhyme, the term for which is "feminine rhyme." Because it's weaker, I suppose (it's an old term) How does your garden grow? Are there over three people contributing to this file? Hello? I'm new to this file. What can I pu in it? (Please, sir, don't pu in our file....) Well, welcome to Graffiti, the promised land, the misspelled continent, the quicker picker-upper, etc. You can "pu" anything you like, up to a point (which point? The one in the upper right hand corner of every pyramid.) There have been many witty things put here in the past, and this file is genetically designed to maintain the finest and funniest riddles, jokes, tales. Add "weirdest" to this list. Ahhh, how my breath tastes funny when our eggs are looking runny in the Apricot tree. "I didn't make this up", she quoted from her grammar textbook. The teacher asked the eternal question again. Zanzibar, a girl of 16 feet, (almost a women of 20), read the next line: "Mego-nutrients for the body." The teacher ran, a weapon in his hand, while Zanzibar prepared for the final battle (eternal waiting.) The teacher asked one last time. Zanzibar, in a convulsion almost guaranteed to develop into a seventeenth foot, read the last line from her text: "Have you heard the news? The seedless apple contains more cyanide than the average grapefruit. Beware, and be careful. Perhaps you should turn down the volume on that sundial, dearest." But Zanzibar never reached the dearest. "Michael Dunkins is alive and kicking. But thanks for all the letters, I'm sure he is happy to know that all of you care about his very important soccer career, singing career, basketball career, and his Humanity impersonations." - never been near MY ears. What's a little life between friends? What's a little strife between friends? What's a little knife between book ends? What's a little knight inside books? What's a scary night outside books? How much is that doggie in the window? Much is that doggie in the? Is that doggie in the grocery bag again? Get it out NOW! That doggie is the grossest bag of...get it out NOW! Doggie is the greyest form of matter, right now. Is it the painter or the painting hanging in the gallery? Is it the song or the singer playing in the gallery? Gather round my friends, and listen to a little tune I just borrowed from an OLD friend of mine...we go far back, back before YOU were born. Yes, imagine, if you will, a little boy growing up in Tennessee, and his best friend by his side, throwing oysters at the live sponge samples! Hah hah hah...heh! Well, that takes ME back... Here's the tune. Feel free to join in, whenever you feel you know the tune: It's a wonderful day in Miami, It's a beautiful day in Saigon. But the absolute contrary thing I can sing Is the question of where went the bomb. Where went the bomb, Where went the bomb, It was just barely begun (for two seconds) We just turned our backs, For nary a second, And someone has sifted our profits. It's a granular day in Mount Rushmore, It's a tubular day in Hamburg. But the wonderfully intricate thing I can wing Is the problem of who's got the bomb. Where went the bomb, Who's got it now, It was just noticably small (nigh two feet) We just turned our backs, For nary a moment, And somebody granted us entrance. ------- Thanks for all the wonderful things you presented to me on the most important day of my desolute life...perhaps you could point me to the exit? Hello? I'm trapped in my life! HELP!! Where's the emergency red-lit blatantly-designed exit? Is it the sculptor or the sculpture, standing in the gallery? Short quiz for all you who THOUGHT you knew all about this file: (10 pts each.) 1) What will never vote in California? 2) Who said "So Grand!"? 3) How many feet does Zanzibar have? 4) What is the Marquis of Calaba doing? 5) What is "like a cylinder"? 6) What was question 6 on the quiz? 7) How would you look "pretty funny"? 8) What is example # 1? 9) What did Shaggy have to say? 10) Where is it a beautiful day? BONUS QUESTION: How many people total have contributed to this file? Good luck. May you have forever on your side. --------------------------------------------------------- \ / [+] ----------> *** / \ ***** ]-[ <--------- * = * ***** And the credit went to the vending machine the next day. =========== When in doubt, run-a-bout. When in pain, Nov-a-caine. When last we checked our protaganist, he was just heading out the door. "Excuse me, Mr. Protaganist, could you stop for a moment and tell us how your life is going?" we ask him. "Um, sorry to be a filly-fashy, but I must catch a bus. See you storywriters later!", at which he left. I imagine we shall check up on him at a future date. "16 sophisticated grapes!" --jim But what could have happened at the boardwalk? Only THEY really knew. Did you ever consider the side effects of boarding a pirate ship? To walk the plank is not to walk. Go take a short walk on a long plank! But are short and long relative terms? Does your answer change if your first name is Lazarus and you're a Heinlein character? Why isn't there any such thing as longbread, or shortboats? What good are seven-league boots if you only want to go pi leagues? The answer is left as an excercise to the reaper. As ye sew, sew shall ye weep. In the rain, he turned on his windshield weepers. Winding the clock, he ticked and tocked, to get to the other side. But what is the matter with Mary Jane? Do you think THC should be legalized? And where did that eagle on the whitehouse lawn come from? Lawn bowling, that's the ticket. Tickety-boo! Get me more tickets for the funhouse at the boardwalk! Llama a small llama. I parody Descartes, therefore I am. Hallo. Bridge is death. One-liners seems to be the way to go, and the way to go is north by northwest, along that little river (see the line?). I'm sorry, I guess I meant that two-liners seemed to be the way to go, since that was the way I went (along the little lake (see the oval?)) It has been said that those with short words may some day rule the Earth. It has been said that those with short swards may someday rule the Hearth. Give us time, o Lord of Housing: that we may build in thy name great effigious structures and burn them to the ground; that we may rant and rave and yea, verily pull out our molars in vexation; that we may cause great pain to friends and roommates alike; even so, shall all this come to pass. In thy name, O Cigus, we pledge our undying allegiance. Oje, der Schwamm ist nicht nass. Maria ist Tafeldienst. Sie ist immer schmutzig. (die Tafel, nicht Maria.) onijaa! Kallisti! Pulcherrimae! Bitchin'! Slowly he crept, inch by inch, flame-broiled burger by flame-broiled burger, until he fell asleep. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ if it inches, scratch it! All I want for gristle is my two front teeth... Termination With Extreme Prejudice (TWEP) awaits all those who oppose the Great and Powerful Oz. That's all very fun in the game of horseshoes, but I think we should be reincarnated as the Toe Which Ate Everything. Close only counts in hand grenades, horseshoes, and hydrogen bombs. For a while there, this file grew quite rapidly. It has died down in growth rate. Oh, come on. Paul Bunyan put his plants on one log at a time, just like everybody else. (i LIKE that! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^) Vodkathumbscrewingly!!! Pubvexingfjordschmaltzy! What if Cygus held a room choosing and noone came? Would we all get singles? "I've got room envy . . . . I wanna have a siiiingle." Behold the power of the only slightly great ten toed sloth! No, we would all be sucked into the voracious maw of the ML basement (now available on an equal-opportunity basis), where time stands still, whence neither light nor sound, radio nor TV escapes, beyond the Red Carpet Event Horizon in the intolerable heat and pressure of Cigus X-1. Sloths are completely irrelevant and I fail to see why you had to bring them up. Coleslaw is completely irreverent and I flail to see any connection here. (Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong, will. Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.) GRAFITTI's back! Was it worth it? I have decided that at Swarthmore, there is time for causes, for work (always), for sex, for drinking, for SWIL meetings, for HACKing, for doing labs, for writing papers and reading bullshit, even for spending time with people you care about, but there is NO time for a serious, committed, in-depth romantic involvement. -- disgruntled romantic i've never understood the concept of relationships taking so much time. i view a "relationship" as a special sort of friendship, and don't see friendships as something that one must devote x hours per week to. but then, i've never had one. melancholy mortuary, scintillating supper; bellyflopping bluefish and an undulating upper; dah-di-dah-di fiddle-faddle, gladutilly glee, it's a song for everyone and it's a song for me. Gahhhh! Vogon poetry! Quick, get a representative of the Pan-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council in here to make an arrest! Assault with a deadly lyric! On "romantic involvement", it's not something one devotes "x" hours to, because one "ought to", but because one wants/needs to. How do you go about solving for x? (and why can't x solve for itself, anyway?) She: "I only have eyes for you!" He: "Yeah, well I only have YOU, four-eyes!" involvement is in the eye of the beholder, and the beheld. true interaction is without time, and should not require a solution... old_grafitti will be deleted at the start of fall semester. New_grafitti will become the start of next year's grafitti file -The Mgt. Management?! On Grafitti?! NO! (all in all it's just another chalk on the wall) Sheep eat men! Are we ready for . . . BASIC puns?? 10 U=14 20 A=9 30 THAT=U-A+U 40 END which translates to . . . let that be a lesson to you (I got a million of 'em) ARGH! Horrible. As long as you don't start getting into the assembly line ... Leave grafitti in this file. OLD_GRAFITTI and OLD_QUOTATIONS will be spooled, archived, and deleted any day now. Sorry for the confusion on my part. --jeh hey, ever notice that jed's initials make it look like he can't spell his name? i can't. sure would be funny if my last name were "dartman"... Okay, an xy-plane can be thought of as two real-number-lines stuck together perpendicularly, right? So what do you use to stick them together? Real-to-real tape, of course. ooh. Saracuse Lifeline spoke to newsmen today: "Hello, may I make a long distance call to my legs today?" The newsmen replied: "Astonishingly enough, we couldn't make out the suspect. All our number two pencils have been smashed by Orlra herself, and our eyesight is poor, due to Urgri the Grate." The sunburned legs had this to add: "5 and 12. Ah yes, 17." But the only way to tell was to read the ancient civilized markings, which only said "hooble?" hooble who?