From chaos @ condor.sccs.swarthmore.edu Sat Jul 17 19:34:10 1999 Date: Mon, 4 May 1998 16:23:33 -0400 (EDT) From: chaos golubitsky To: _swat.org.swil @ swarthmore.edu Subject: Farewell, My Cameo, or SWILNews #13 The semester is coming to an end, and your loyal valkyries sit before you for the second-to-last time, slaving in front of a hot computer (hot computer? what hot computer? my cd-rom's on fire! call the dorm tech! call x8333! -h) (call x8059 (pysch services) -g) to bring you this SWILNews. Soon, it will be time to bid farewell to the graduating seniors, but we're getting ahead of ourselves - that's next week. In order to cut down the size of that SWILNews, we're sending our weekly cameos home without their finals, so they'll say goodbye now. Goodbye. Thor, Cleaver of Trolls, finally got the courage to ask Buffy out. They dated for a few years, but their relationship turned sour when Thor accidentally fried Buffy's stake collection with a stray thunderbolt. Thor now works in a butcher shop at minimum wage. After the disastrous break-up with Thor, Buffy Summers went on to a successful career in law enforcement. She is currently working in Sunnyvale, and is said to deal particularly harshly with teenagers and carriers of large foe-hammers. The sponges went back to the invertibrate biology lab, and lived out the rest of their lives happily in the aquarium. Terry Harvey patented his self-defense pas de basque, and built up a cult following as the Scottish Jackie Chan. He is currently working on his fifth movie, "Operation Petronella". Ratatosk, the squirrel of discord, settled on Swarthmore College campus, collecting food handouts from the students. As the only squirrel on campus who speaks Old Norse, he's fairly easy to spot. Ignore him at your peril! Jack Skellington finally realized that, despite its many horrific qualities, Swarthmore was not Halloween Town. He decided to go home. The can of Spam returned to McCabe and lived out the rest of its life on Honors Reserve. (After the apocalypse in the year 2105, e-mail fell out of favour with the human population of Earth, and I lost my home. I can now be found floating aimlessly among the electrical circuits in the void. Have a nice eternity. -Gustav) Joell, the punning Valkyrie, graduated from Swarthmore with the class of 1998, took a job in the area, and stayed around and gamed with us on a weekly basis. Hlokk's grepping lamp had a short but profitable acquaintanceship with the spleen dumpster behind Wharton, and was never seen or heard from again. Lottery number 610 was discovered by Jewish mystics, who realized that it's digits added up to 7. Then they realized that this piece of information was completely irrelevant. Oh well. Twelve drummers drumming set up on the roof of Mephisto's and gave the campus a headache for five hours. Public Safety was alerted and sentenced them to 12-15 years in Parrish basement. SWILBusiness: Thank you for submitting to BEM! After a one-year hiatus, the Bug-Eyed Magazine is back, thanks to Heather, Goll, and Anna, as well as everyone who submitted things. To get your very own BEM, contact Heather, or e-mail bem @ swil.org. The schlock film festival begins tonight. The schedule is: Mon Yor: the Hunter from the Future Kirby Tue The Maze (3-D) Dupont Wed The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living Kirby and Became Mixed-Up Zombies (the musical) All movies will begin at 8, and we have 3-D glasses for "The Maze". Walpurgisnacht happened Saturday night. Attendance was somewhat poor, but that was okay, since it meant more shortbread and chocolate fondue for those of us who showed up. Thanks go to Jim, who organized the food, and to everyone else who brought food and stories. We have a pinata in the shape of a pink pig, so Spamageddon will go ahead as scheduled. The Spam Pinata will be demolished tomorrow afternoon at 2:30 in the bell tower. Show up if you know whether the pinata is more like a football or like oppression. This school year is ending, but no fear - another one is coming up soon. To that effect, we need to start thinking about things like frosh stuffing, live chess at activities fair, and the Star Wars Trilogy showing. If we are lucky, Skogul might play the country/western Imperial March as an intermission. Freshmen should be stuffed as soon as possible, preferably during orientation. If you're going to be around during orientation, and would be willing to stuff, please contact your valkyries or Amy, the minister-of- propaganda-with-a-new-condor-account. (Now, for a limited time only - e-mail Amy at aswift @ sccs.) We also may want to set a date to go to Ren Faire before we go home. We haven't done that yet, though. We have a new bookshelf in Birdwainer! It looks great. Yay Cornell! Movie voting happened this week. So, next year's SWIL movies will be announced at next week's meeting, after we completely ignore you and pick the movies we want (err, tally the votes...) Andrea still has lots of SWILCon '97 shirts around. If you want one, talk to her. Non-SWILBusiness: Last week's Buffy showing had a record turnout. There will be a new episode this week, and it will be shown on Tuesday, at 10:00 or after "The Maze", whichever seems more convenient at the time. Jim is planning to show some sort of B5 episodes for the rest of the year. Check the fun list for details. Eoj and Joel want to videotape their lego version of the Star Wars Trilogy. If you know where they can get a video camera, and/or would like to help tape, let them know. There will be an "Eye of Argon" reading after TISCWLABMUZ (Wednesday's schlock movie). "The Eye of Argon" is a really, really bad short story - you don't want to miss this. (Okay, maybe you do.) Playdough doughnut list - 2 May: Amy "it _did_, dammit" Swift Fred "We got movies! We got movies!" Bush Ben "And You didn't vote for them!" Newman Snibor "Su si eh dna. ymene eht tem evah ew." Eoj Xanthi "As far as I can tell you people are constantly voting on movies" Carras Jennifer "the pancake syrup is rising" Tyson Kyla "Jennifer's a guttersnipe and it's the first day after classes and I only got 5 hours of sleep and have I mentioned that my bridge group (_not_ cards!) members are flakes?" Tornheim (who is actually _not_ in such a bad mood as it sounds) Megan "Yeah, I didn't get any sleep Thursday night, but that didn't keep me from wandering around center city with Kevin from 6:30 to 9:30 Friday morning, then going to class and later napping in Kohlberg for a couple of hours, then sleeping in Parrish for a couple more... :)" Hallam Andrea "Grr." Hall Dave "Achoo" Phillips Sarah "Gesundheit" Bergstrom -Hlokk, Goll, and Skogul