From chaos @ condor.sccs.swarthmore.edu Sat Jul 17 19:31:52 1999 Date: Mon, 2 Feb 1998 17:21:07 -0500 (EST) From: chaos golubitsky To: _swat.org.swil @ cc.swarthmore.edu Subject: Invasion of the Demonic Sheep, or SWILnews #2 "Oh, damn - i've forgotten our initials already," one of the co-presidents began. "No 7, no 7, no 7!" muttered a demonic voice from the next room. "Stuff has to generate intelligence before it realizes that, by jumping up a little bit, it can go further down. So if you find stuff on the floor, it's got to be pretty intelligent stuff," Skogul pointed out. "And you'd better get rid of it quickly," added Goll. "Sheep!" a second demonic voice piped in. "7!" the original demonic voice repeated. "Hey, isn't there some legend about the seven sheep of the apocolypse?" Hlokk mused. "Seven!" an entirely different demonic voice called, and the co-presidents could suddenly no longer ignore their predicament. "What was that Melissa just said?" "I don't know, but they said 'sheep' again, and they have a port." "Oh, no, they're opening the port! We need help now!" "Ooh, let's contact Buffy." (We probably don't need to reveal who said this - which co-president do you *think* wants to contact Buffy? -H) Hastily, the co-presidents constructed a bat signal from a flashlight, a slinky, and a few of Goll's appendages. Fortunately, Buffy was watching their wall, and saw the signal. (As opposed to the unfortunate scenerio, in which the sheep take over. -S) (That's unfortunate? -Gustav) At this point, the storyline was interrupted as the demonic figures came through the door and attacked the co-presidents with rubber cement, and a giant sheep bearing a strange resemblance to a former co-president. Things looked grim for the co-presidents, but, fortunately, the shoddy Wharton dorm construction was no match for Buffy, who came crashing through a wall. "Can't you people ever get attacked by demonic sheep with normal-sized noses?" Buffy muttered, reaching for her stake. (That'll teach him to play Settlers in the next room while we're writing SWILnews. -S) The demonic sheep bleated in terror at the sight of his arch-nemesis, but it was too late. Buffy staked him through the heart. (Du lukter som en get. -S) The other demons fled, and were not seen again until... SWILbusiness: As promised, a vote was taken to restore pi to it's irrational value of whatever-it-is. (3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209 749445 -S) (You frighten me. -H) (Digits 733-739 are all 9 -S) (You're *sick* -G) We also returned 3 to the rationals. Skogul can recite the exact value of 3 to 7,602 digits, but you don't want to hear it. Budget committee wants to approve our booklist this year before they give us any money, so we need to make a preliminary expedition to look at books, which we will do Saturday after meeting. Catherine and Kyla will go look at Birdwainer between now and then, to find out whether we currently own any books, and, if so, which ones. Don Cheetham also has books that he is willing to donate to Birdwainer. (Did we do the part where Budget Committee screws us yet? -G) (I don't think we need to mention that. -H) (It'll increase ratings, though. -S) commercial break: Submit to BEM! Or else Goll will hit you with a stick and Skogul will shine a flashlight in your eyes! (They're not kidding! They did it to me. -H) The deadline for submissions is 28 February. Submissions can be brought to SWIL meeting or e-mailed to hweidner @ sccs. Stories and poems should be typed, and drawings should be in ink. We now return to SWILnews: The Valentines' Day Massacre approaches. Please sign up to participate. We especially need waitrons and thugtrons. Jeff Grosky will be back at SWILcon as guest of honor. Tom Smith, aka "the world's fastest filker" will be musical guest of honor. There will be an administrative meeting next Sunday. Anyone who is interested in helping out with last-minute things should contact Larry or Megan now. (ldm @ sccs or mhallam1 @ sccs) Parents' Weekend is April 3-5. Kira was right. Eoj was wrong. (He's dead now, though, so it doesn't matter. -Buffy) Live Chess will be Saturday at 2:01.5 on Parrish Beach. (This is conveniently just after the 1 pm folk dance demo. -S) We might want to do costumes, so if you have any ideas about that, contact Eoj, or some incarnation thereof. (jmrobins @ sccs) Kyla is treasurer and will talk to Budget Committee sometime. Chaos hit Eoj. Anna talked about throwing pumpkins, and Eoj talked about dropping goats off of buildings. At this point, the co-presidents realized that Eoj was supposed to have been killed already, and would have been very confused, but fortunately, the other two demons walked in. Their arrival reminded Catherine of the Pterodactyl Hunt. Catherine didn't actually have anything to say about the Pterodactyl Hunt, so we turned her over to the demons and continued with the meeting. The Hunt will be discussed further next week. E-mail hunt AT swil DOT org with questions or comments. Will wants to have speakers. We also might want to revive the tradition of visiting Lloyd Alexander. Kira will help. Kira needs help. Kyla needs help. (Don't ask us - we just write these things down. -H) (I think Will needs help too. -G) (Plonk, plonk, plonk -S, starting to play the guitar.) The SWIL movie this week (tonight, in fact) is "Sword In the Stone". You should all come. At this point, the demons, who had been politely waiting for the end of SWILbusiness, began to wreak havoc. Within seconds, Sharples Room 4 was drenched in lime jello and pog. (Will, what is it with you and lime jello? -G) (Chaos, what is it with you and pog? -S) (What is it with those two? -pog and lime jello) Buffy pulled out her stake, made some witty comment which was lost to the annals of history, and began to attack the demons. Unfortunately, there were two of them and only one of her, and she was incapacitated by accidental consumption of Sharples food. It appeared for a time that the forces of darkness would triumph after all. (Wait a second - *we're* the forces of darkness. -H) Then, conveniently, Thor appeared. "How shall Thor be referred to? (Let me count the ways -S) By calling him son of Odin and lord, father of Magni and Modi and Thrud, husband of Sif, stepfather of Ull, ruler and owner of Miollnir and the girdle of might, of Bilskirnir, defender of Asgard, Midgard, enemy and slayer of giants and troll-wives, killer of Hrungnir, Geirod, Thrivaldi, lord of Thialfi, and Roskva, enemy of the Midgard serpent, foster son of Vingnir and Hlora." * Out of sympathy for future hearers of the tales of Thor, the demons fled, to prevent this list from getting any longer. Thor had a drink. Tedd Goundie walked by and insisted on seeing his drivers' licence, but that's another story... And there was much rejoicing, for the demons had been vanquished, and we moved on to non-SWILbusiness. Non-SWILbusiness: Wink happened Saturday night at 8, and was a lot of fun, even though Catherine forgot to freeze her rubber chicken in preparation. (Although this rubber chicken does not have a pulley in the middle, it is nevertheless useful for a variety of activities. -Eoj) Eoj sang a filk to the new SWIL presidents, and pleaded for his life. ('Nough said. -G) A Ceileidh happened on Saturday. Much fun was had by all, including the boxer shorts. (In case anyone is wondering, we're including all this stuff to improve our ratings, since it's February. -H) A "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer" marathon was held yesterday, followed by a showing of "Groundhog's Day". (Woo woo! -Buffy) "The Very Long Night of Londo Mollari", last Wednesday's Babylon 5 episode, will be shown tonight at 7:30 in JimMosk's apartment. It's supposed to be a good episode, so you should all come. Catherine will run a Robin of Sherwood mini-marathon, tentatively scheduled for March 21. The show is described as "alternately good and cheesy, with good-looking men and women." There are sheep, but no eggplants. * quote taken from Snorri Sturleson, "The Edda", translated by Anthony Faulkes. Your name here - 31 January, 1998: Snibor "Erom yna egelevirp siht esuba t'now I. Hcum oot tsil ecnadnetta eht gningis rof ezigolopa I. Semit eerht eman ym ngis ot em fo gnorw saw ti." Eoj Anna "Winter Aconite is Blooming!" Hess Heather "southern California oranges woo-hoo!" Weidner Jimmy "Wand of Denial? I don't have Wand of Denial." Kong Hannah "really, my alarm wasn't quite on the right station" Rakoff Larry "Huzzah! Tom Smith!" Miller Megan "Huzzah! Jeff Grosky! And eighty dealer bucks!" Powell Jennifer "There Was a Lady - Celtic! 10-12 Saturdays 91.5 WSRN!" Tyson Catherine "is this an attendance list or an ad campaign?" Osborne Kyla "Buy the icky artificial product of your choice" Tornheim Ben "Sell the icky artificial product of your choice" Newman Dave "I'm not really here, I'm _still_ in Cornell, working" Phillips Joe "Actually, this is Sarah signing. I'm just trying to get Joe in trouble, because I'm evil!" Robins -Hlokk, Goll, and Skogul ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ chaos golubitsky '00 "like frozen sentries of the serengeti, the century-old termite mounds had withstood all tests of time and foe - all tests, that is, except the one involving drunken aardvarks and a stolen wrecking ball." -gary larson