Forwarded message: >From ltsina1 @ cc.swarthmore.edu Thu Feb 16 15:39:27 1995 Date: Thu, 16 Feb 1995 15:35:36 -0500 Message-Id: <199502162035.PAA16542 @ oak.cc.swarthmore.edu> X-Mailer: Eudora/Swarthmore 1.3b116 To: _swat.org.swil @ cc.swarthmore.edu From: ltsina1 @ cc.swarthmore.edu (lesley) X-Sender: ltsina1 @ cc.swarthmore.edu (Unverified) Subject: Laugh while you can, monkey boy...(SWILnews #4) It has been suggested that the reason that SWIL photos never show up in the yearbook has certain correspondances with the photographic qualities of a distinct minority of residents in the mountainous Transylvanian region. For whatever reason, the people from the Halcyon decided not to attend our joyous little gathering last Saturday, even though we put up a spiffy sign and everything. So this weekend we will lure them at around 12:30 with promises of cash prizes. Therefore, show up this Saturday to be counted among the non-members. Also next week, anyone with candid photos or blurb suggestions will bring them to the meeting, right? Of course, any ideas you might have about actually getting something in print would be the product of sheer optimism. Interestingly enough, the photographers did manage to make themselves present as a force in that they managed to force the meeting to start approximately on time for once. Therefore, we have plenty to talk about this week. SWILbusiness: Big Events in SWILdom: Big Event 1: Movie. Last Monday several people, posing as engineers infiltrated Kirby Lecture Hall. Finding the door to the projecting booth locked, we summoned security, who asked what we were watching. Having nothing better to say, TGP told the truth: "Buckaroo Banzai: Across the Eighth Dimension". Much to our bemusement the officer replied: "Good film." TGP then discovered that a crucial element in this operation was missing, the VCR. After a panicked search, during which James valiantly tried to entertain the troops with spurious feats of tap dance, jere7my found a replacement VCR in a locked cabinet. A note was found conveniently placed within said locked cabinet stating that the VCR was out for repair and that anyone wishing to watch a film need only use this handy replacement located behind said lock. The note also mentioned the imminent destruction of the Earth in order to make way for a new hyperspace bypass. Odd, that. In any event, we thought it only proper to leave the note where we had found it for the convenience of other would-be engineers. We then watched as fine a piece of motion picture artistry as ever has been put to film. Truly, there was much rejoicing at the sight of Buckaroo and his Hong Kong Cavaliers, accompanied by Jeff Goldblum in chaps, battling the forces of John Lithgow somewhere over New Jersey. For further work by this last master of the silver screen, I highly recommend Raising Cain, another great movie moment. Big Event #2 SWIL's own Quentin Tarantino moment occurred this Tuesday, when an entire contingent of nattily dressed diners was summarily rubbed out by an even more nattily dressed band of thugs and hooligans to the great shock of two still more nattily attired waitrons in the middle room of Sharples. Yes, it was massacre time again and the good folks of SWIL, under the visonary presence of Eric Rosolowsky brought down the house not to mention its inhabitants. J delivered the battle cry of "Message from Big Al: Die, you gravy sucking pigs!" and Aaron Hertzmann was noted for his touching display of shock upon observing his fallen customers. Megan Hallam managed to play the part of bodyguard with frighteningly correct posture, and to the joy of the diners, no yams were served this year. Kudos to all involved, especially Eric, for bringing the whole thing off with panache, and jere7my's nifty pink art-deco tie. Other then these exciting events, we also have some news. To begin with, George, that devilish little library, has been finally setlled in Tarble. Although it was confirmed to have been set up and tastefully decorated, access is restricted as we do not have a key, nor are we going to get one. Whereas before this was not a problem (the previous cite required nothing more complex then the judicious use of a credit card for easy access), it is now necessary to ask security to let one in. We appoligize for this inconvenience, but at least we are telling you this here rather then on a note inside a locked cabinet. Furthermore, budgeting time is once mor approaching and so wehave called upon our treasurer, Ms. Patrick, to inform us as to what we intend to ask for. This will be dealt with at the next meeting. Also, and much more importantly, a new sucker...er... volunteer. Dan Eisinbud, come on down! You're thenext contestant on "Deal With SWIL Problems!" Hope you have your calculator ready, along with you're list of handy dandy excuses. Again we spoke of B.E.M., if only briefly. We are still hoping for a paper document, but it seems Josh needs to talk to Steven. Mr. Sample was rumored to be attending the 25th annual Swarthmore English/Scottish Ball, aka. Kilt Wearers Anonymous, and so our scruffy little Mr. Burdick was going to accost the big palooka and beat the information out of him. Probable Scenario: Sample: What do you want you little haggis? Burdick: (picking up Sample and throwing him against the wall) Look you punk! Don't gimme no lip. I want answers and I want'em now! Where are our past submissions and what does the B.E.M. cost to produce? Sample: (several bones fractured and kilt ruffled) groan... In any event, if you don't want to get on his bad side (and belive me, you don't!), submit to Josh! Parrish Annex Update: Larry Schall has ignored the "suggestions" to stay away from the quarries. More drastic action may need to be taken. Schall, as some of you may know, is descended from Kaiser Wilhelm II of Prussia. His great grandfather emigrated from Europe in 1898 to settle near Media and breed water tortoises. The type of tortoises are indigenous to North America and have an average life-span of about seven years. The pioneering work on this type of amphibian was done in Barbados by Ulrik Mueller, who studied in Vienna after escaping from prison after having been incarcerated by the French Nationalists in the 12th Century. Mr. Schall's father has continued this work which is now mostly involved in the cross breeding of these tortoises with a breed of African tree-frog. We travelled to Albany, New York for an interview where we learned many other interesting things about Mr. Schall, most of which will not be revealed if we recieve the correct payment soon. Megan wants people to come up with t-shirt concepts, or if she doesn't, she should. Finally, attention was turned to SWILcon, where nothing new has happened excpt that jere7my now has posters. Stay tuned for more from the people who brought you The SWIL Magic League and Weenie Tournament. Non-SWILbusiness: TICK-FIX: Larry hosted it. BABYLON-5: jere7my hosted it. THE BALL: A bunch of people in silly clothes hosted it. (but it did look like a lot of fun) That about does it... so: Attendance (2/11/95): John "Last one to Trafalgar is a Rotten Egg!" Miller, John "Of the Technicolor hair" Dickson, John "I have to describe the sheepskin hey? Aaaahh!!!" Dyrkacz, John "I've been repressed!" Mazingo, John "# included " Binde, John "Boing, boing, boing" Hall, John "Searching for blobby fishes" Coelacanth-Scott, John "The Ball needs a new Font" McNary, John "I have nothing to say" Piatt, John "Dents. Atten Dents." Dilatush, John "I just had something clever to say but I forgot what it was (and this quote wasn't it, for all those who were wondering)" Eisenbud, John "technically here" Brown, John "(define trivialquote (lambda (bob) 'duh?))" Schatz, John "Hissing Cauldron" Christian, John "wump" Burdick, Nhoj "Elttil a hctaw tsuj ll'I ebyam. Llab eht ot gniog ton ylbaborp m'I. Llab eht ot gniog ton m'I." Snibor, John "You can call me Humpty Dumpty" Baker, John "Not totally present" Unger, John 'shul "Eric Rosolowsky" Ng'garath', John "Morgan, are you excavating again?!!" Hallam, John "Lysenko Fan Club President" Hertzmann, John "Nobody expects to be bright and bon-vivant" Eshleman, john "Achilles? The Illiad? By Homer?! READ A BOOK!" tho?rpe, John "You put your left pseudopod in, you take your left pseudopod out, you put your central pseudopod in and shake it all about" Moskowitz, John "You know what I'm thinking, Megan" Patrick. -John James & John the Giant Peach