Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today. Why are we gathered here today? Good question, good to see you're on your toes. We are gathered here today to witness the decline, to pay tribute to the waning days, the fading moments of a great tradition, a proud moment somewhere in history. We are here because we care about all that an Administration that cared did all it could for us (well, mostly). Were it not for the Reagan Administration, we would all be in a lot better shape, and all of us masochists gathered here are grateful. But there is still a sadder occasion, a moment more grevious than even this, more demanding and deserving of our sorrows than even the Great Communicator. This is the fading of the Presidency that called itself after a silly moment in a silly movie, and it is going out in all the egotistical style it can muster (or at least John is, Jed doesn't have any input right now). Those attending the last great meeting of this Almighty and Supreme Reign were the following: Rick Post -- Not Really Here, Susan Ruff (well, for a short time, anyway), Ward Lopes, Howard the Duck, Ethelred the Undone, Stainless Steel C____, Rebel Without A Clue, "DRIVERS: Twinkle, Twinkle, little star. / How I wonder who you are / Up above the world as far / as the driver of a car. -J", Sally Ann Carter Junior Welliam McGillicutty The Third, WWF (The second World Wrestling Federation), H. "Lynxer" R., Arlimyl, EELLI (in order of importance), "A universe-builder named Guth / Was known for this theories uncouth / When asked whence they came / He was known to exclaim, / 'Intuition and shots of vermouth!' -Jim", The Count of Monte Crisco, Nelson ("Bit Parts") the security guard ("Surrender the Earth females to us."), J. (The French Bowl) Mackay-Smith, David William Van "That's not where the middle name goes!" Stone, Reid Fleming, geoff Dare, Hallen (crossed out, commentary of "hey don't you resent being fused into a single autonomous entity?"), no vacancy, Ex-EKG now EKV, Love, Debby, Chris Cobb, L Almasy, D Holtzman, J Austrian, M German, O Canada!, M Hickernell, J Wald, I M Floored, Garth Russell Snyder XVIII Jr. (yeah, right), "J. Hines" -The Member, Stephen Ward, Lisa Batt, Bruce the Hahne, whatever a Hahne is. Thank you all for coming, your presence is most graciously appreciated by the quickly deceasing. And, a word from our remaining part, Jed, and his Little Black Book. Item the First: T-Shirts have arrived. Get them while they're (ahem) "hot." $7 Million, preferably cash. Small bills. See John, or see Brian if you want to order another. Item the Second: We may lose George. George may have your books. You may lose your books. You may proceed immediately to George and collect your books. We may, however, store them somewhere, so you may not have to worry about them too much, if you put your name in them. Quick, Ellie, what month is it? "It's May, it's May, that glorious month when everyone goes blissfully astray!" George may or may not be in Hallowell basement; you'll have to look to find out. Item the Third: Volunteers for next year. A number of people have expressed interest in doing things for Swil next year in Semi-Official Positions (God do I love the smell of ativism in the morning). We, or, perhaps, I, are/am most delighted that you, my friends, have flocked to help Jed in his time of dire necessity (well, actually, it's not that bad, but I love melodrama). These are the saints and what they have offered to do and be in charge of: George, if it survives: Laura A. Birdwainer: Michael B. Discussion Group: Chris C. Orientation Week Activities (including Live Chess): Julie P. Activities Fair: Laura A. Halloween Party: Julie and Rick H. and Deborah H. 10th Anniversary: Julie, Laura, and Chris. Pterodactyl Hunt: God. Until further notice. I.e. nobody yet. Filksing and/or Story Reading: Chris C. again BEM: Kir, Jed, Garth, Michael, and Julie. Philcon: Julie RenFaire: Your favorite local anachronism, Alex Spring T-shirt (in case we have one): Garth Publicity/Information distribution (propaganda): Bruce, Alex, Michael, Julie. Custodian of Computer Account: Jed Schlock Films: Laura and Garth "And I think that's about it," says Jed, but he earlier made the auspicious comment that all of these are still pretty much open. If you want one of these illustrious positions for YOUR resume, talk to Jed The First in Command and about middle in the alphabet by Thursday, which is latish in the week. Publicity will be winnowed out to one lucky winner, i.e. heads are gonna roll. And that's the way it is, Monday, May 9th, 1988. The rest is silence. "Rosebud." "Why, no there aren't any Indians here, General Custer." I shall return. (so will a bad check) Old Swil presidents don't die, at least not yet anyways. Let them eat cake. Let there be Swil. I come not to bury half of this presidency but to play pool with it. Eloi, Eloi, labba sabach ta ni. Which means, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me," or, more loosely, "My God it's full of stars." "For last year's words belong to last years language And next year's words await another voice." T.S. Eliot I give you, with all due respect, gratitude, and hopes for a silly, swilly year, Jed. We are, always has beens, and always swil be, The Presidents That Go PING!!!!!!!!!!!