**********************
SUMMARY:
1) All NinjaGrams are complete but we still need people to deliver them.
Training session Sunday night (tonight) at 9:30 in Parrish Parlors.
2) If you want to sign up for the Massacre, talk to Sarah (Thugtrons) at
sarahh@sccs or Arthur (Victrons) at achu1
3) SWILMovie is in Willets at 9 on Monday. It is Land Before Time I. Not the
crappy sequels, the original, which is awesome.
4) Reply to the Kegger voting email if you haven't. Susan is in charge of
budget and decorations. Anyone else can also help set up, and everyone is
going to clean up.
5) SFDT is probably 10^21 by James Patrick Kelly on Thursday at 5:45. Watch
Fun for a link to the story.
6) The two guest houses are reserved for Reunion either the first or last
weekend in October. 
7) SUBMIT TO BEM.
8) There should be a Beginning of the World Party in 2020 when SWIL turns 42.
Also, we should think of excuses for an End of the World party.
9) SWILlege Bowl is next week's SNS, run by Arthur, SCI 199 at 7:30. People
should form teams and brush up on their geek/SWIL lore.
10) Watch Fun for more info on a trip in the works to go visit the science
fiction collection in the Rare Book room of McCabe library.
**********************

Cooking With SWILNews #4

Welcome to Cooking With SWILNews, the greatest cooking show on Earth. Today we
are snowed into Mary Lyons Studio with little in the way of supplies, and so
we will have to be creative as we walk through the preparation of a light
lunch. Follow along at home!

Step 1: Begin by preheating your Rabble to disorder. Set your chronometers to
12:10. (what kind of cooking shows do you watch? -p) (Star Trek -n) (Noda, do
you want to go lay some eggs and cook them for us? -r) ( :( - noda)  Oh!  Oh
no!  Our Rabble looks pathetic!  Well, we_ll just poke it with a stick until
it settles down--oh, it_s poking back.  Next step!

Step 2: The glaze for this lunch takes a little while to cook, so we_ll start
now.  We_re making a Saturday Night SWIL glaze with a base of English-Scottish
stew.  First, we_ll put in some sugar--oh dear, we must have forgotten to
stock up after making Ninja and Susan_s birthday cakes this past week.  Well,
we can just substitute something else.  Always remember, improvisation is what
gives cooking life!  Look, we have some NinjaGrams!  They_re sweet enough. 
And here_s some chunks of gaming!  We_ll just toss them right in.  Now, let_s
taste this and--

Oh.  That_s--um--let_s let it simmer for a bit!

Step 3: We have so many of those NinjaGrams that we should try and use them
for something else! A simple salad augments any meal! Your guests will be sure
to love this NinjaGram salad: if we can just find a few extra Ninjas to
sprinkle over the top, that would be the perfect finishing touch. This salad,
incidentally, will need to be marinated a little, so be sure to start it on
Sunday evening before it needs to be served. So, we'll just shred these Ninjas
like so with a mandolin. (wtf is a mandolin? -n) (a vegetable slicer, or
possibly a musical instrument -r) Run the ninja over the blade and - AUGH! My
fingers! 
the blood! Well, a little blood adds flavor!

Step 4: By now your rabble should be pretty toasty and golden brown. It's time
for the next step. We don't have any vegetables or broth on hand, so we need
something else to add moisture. We do have these thugtrons, though (I'd use my
own blood, but I lost it all! Oops!), so we'll put them into the pot with the
Rabble. Back into the oven now! 
Does anyone hear screaming?...

Step 5: The next step (how do we cook dinosaurs? -p noda! Get over here! -n)
involves slicing chicken for sandwiches. We definitely don't have any chicken,
so we'll use these adorable frozen baby brachiosaurus steaks instead. They
have a slightly different flavor, and they're a bit old, but in all culinary
ways are practically the same! They should be thawed by about Monday at 9, so
we can go pick them up in Mephistos then.

Step 6: You might need a break now, so go check your email and reply to the
Kegger theme voting email. Then don't forget to come back to the kitchen!

Step 7: Well, we wanted to make an SFDT side dish
but all we have is this
rusty can of Soylent Green. Hmmm
perhaps we'll skip that bit. Well, there's
10^21 potatoes in this closet over here
perhaps some sort of mash?

Step 8: Mmm, this is my favorite part! Everybody loves a delicious Greg roast.
Now, just take your Greg and spit him quickly to keep him from struggling, and
pop him over the fire. Be sure to rotate him slowly so that he cooks all the
way through. (when we like people, bad things happen to them - p) (we love
you, Greg! don't kill us! - npr)

Step 9: (i think noda has forgotten to lay eggs for us - r) (i guess we'll
have to keep eating chocolate then - p) While we're waiting for the Greg to
cook, we can sit down and make dessert. We ordered a shipment of two
gingerbread guest houses (goes great with Reunion dishes, as well) but they
haven't arrived. The distributor says they'll arrive by the first or last
weekend of October. That's quite a wait
in the meantime
er
cut this Hershey
bar into enough pieces to feed all your guests. (with a mandolin? -n) (no,
that's for slicing -r) (slice slice slice! -r)

Step 10: SUBMIT TO BEM.

Step 11: Oh dear, what was that?  Something just came over me!  Never mind! 
Wait, here's another excuse to make some birthday cake--the Beginning of the
World!  Oh, but this won't happen until SWIL, our parent corporation, turns 42
in 2020.  Well, that's all right.  We don't have ingredients, anyway.

Step 12: How about making a side Magical Mystery Tour?  No, that won't last
long in the cold weather.  Let's see what we can find in the cupboard.  Oh, a
large SWILege Bowl!  What can we put in it?  The Rabble is bubbling!  Let's
set this aside until next Saturday at 7:30 and find some condiments for the
Rabble.

Step 13: We have all these jars, but the labels are kind of smudged. Hm,
what's this? It looks like it has Andrew in it, but we can't tell. No, this is
actually Pope Gregory X-2! And this one looks like Greg, but it smells more
like Andrew, Patron Saint of Scotland. Mmm, we love that Scottish fragrance.
(you're bizarre. -p yeah, well. -r there are  moments in every weeks swilnews
when the bounds of  credibility are somewhat strained
and sometimes juiced. -n
and sometimes stuck in a mandolin. -p) And this bright green jelly says it has
Sarah, but I'm quite sure that it's actually full of the Local Standard of
Fluorescence. 

Step 14: Oh, what is that floating in the Rabble ([sing to the tune of "how
much is that doggie in the window?"] -np)?  Let's just fish it out with a
spoon
it's a helicopter!  How the hell did that get in here?  Never mind,
we'll sprinkle it with Pope Gregory X-2 and throw it back in. (you don't
sprinkle lottery prize winners on their prize! -r sure you do. -p)  Adds flavor!

Step 15: This Rabble is looking a little funny.  Let's see, is there anything
else in the cupboard we can use?  There's a basket full of Name Game--no, that
went bad yesterday at four.  How about this Art of Kissing--no, that expired
yesterday at 7:30.  Oooh, Applesauce!  No, that went bad yesterday from one to
four, but I'm sure it will be great to look at, though.  

Step 16: (this is a lot of steps - n) (yeah, well - r) The meal is best
enjoyed with a fine vintage port. We think there might be a few cases of rare
1920s-era Early Sci-Fi in the Rare Book Room in McCabe, but as we are trapped
here, we can only long for its wonderful flavor. (we don't know a thing about
wine, let's not advertise it -r) (i hate you -r)

Last Step: Well, this meal was certainly an adventure, wasn't it? Perhaps we
can have a guest chef come in next time and whip us up some Steve Jackson
Games cuisine. We hear Mike's brother is willing to do an appearance.

Thank you for watching our show - coming up next this evening, Irresponsible
Captain Tylor at 7:30 during our New Dorm specialty hour! 

COMPLETE INGREDIENTS AND SUPPLY LIST of the Spanish Inquisition is a Ninja:

Sarah "Anathema" Hartman
Michael "Excommunicate" Noda
Jim "Katamari Damacy de la Mancha" Moskowitz
George "Love and Peace" Dahl
Venger "Pope Clement" Jamison 
Jamison "The $$60,000,000,000 Man" the Stampede
Mike "Roman gold in the Vatican" Karcher
James "NEENJAGURAMMU!" Mendez Hodes
Susan "SWIL lives in a barn!" Zell
Arthur "Super-Duper Senior" Chu (i can't feel bad when people joke about
coming back as super-seniors, because i like all the seniors and don't want
them to graduate -n) (that's why we should lock them up in george -p)
Meredith "Ew! Hobo Sex!" Conforti Brown
George "Arthur's Screw Date" Dahl (aww - p)
Alex "Yay! Hobo Sex!" Pshenichkin
George "Arthur's Man Date" Dahl (oh god - r)
Revan "More cunning than a fox who's just been made professor of cunning at
Oxford University" Williams
Meggie "They're dead my lord" Ladlow (not dead yet! -p)
Backwards Pete, the hobo with a heart of gold
Lord Nosimaj Regnev
Roald "I'm not George, I swear" Dahl
Foul ol' Ron (whoever wrote these, i love you - p)
Arnold Sideways
The Duck Man
Coffin' Henry
The Life "I'm an OK movie" of Brian
Death
Margaret "sickly presidents" Cosgriff (not dead yet! -n) (Low Battery -
computer) (shit! - n)
George "Arthur's Screw Date" Dahl (yes, we know - p) (alex, you're dead - n)
Adam "The blade that was broken has been reforged" Oleksa
Jerome "I'm tired" Fung
Emmanuelle "[scribble]" Wambach
Greg "Sex Hobo" Robinson
Gregory "House" Robinson
Jackie "ERE I AM JH" Werner
Eliza "Sex, Violence, Girl Scouts" Blair
Finlay "Not a robot really, I'm human I swear!" Logan

Brought to you by Ninja, Pirate, and Robot, the Presidency That Is Hungry