Katamari SWILNewsy #1 ***** <> **SWIL Business** *Ninja, Pirate, and Robot, the Presidency of (Im)Mortal Enemies, are your new presidents. There are also known as Eliza Blair, Jackie Werner, and Finlay Logan; they can be contacted at presidents (at) swil.org. *Revan, Meggie, and Margaret are waitrons for the St. Valentine's Day Massacre on February 14th. Sign-ups for other positions will be soon. *The Root Beer Kegger will most likely be happening on March 18th. *SWIL t-shirt designs should be submitted before spring break. *Jillian will be organizing old SWIL shirt reprints. *Susan is still treasurer, Jillian and Emmanuelle are librarians, Finlay is custodian of George, and Andrew is MiniProp. *Arthur is organizing the Science Fiction Discussion Table. *Saturday Night SWIL next week (1/28) is Parlour Gaming, time TBA. SNS the week after that (2/4) is filksinging. *SWILMovie this week (1/23) is Twelve Monkeys, at 9:00 PM in SC101. *Jerome will be organizing DoubleSWIL. *SWIL Reunion is happening next semester. If you're interested in planning, email majordomo (at) swil.org with the message 'subscribe plan-nine' . **Non-SWIL Business** *Neil Gaiman is speaking at Temple University on Thursday the 26th at 8:00 PM. There will be e-mails to Fun about this. *The English-Scottish Ball is happening February 18th. *There is a gaming convention in Lancaster at some point, but no one seemed interested. Talk to Finlay (flogan1) if you are. *The opera Elixir of Love happened Friday and Saturday and is happening for the last time tonight (1/22) at 8:00 in Lang lobby. Get there early for seating. ***** Happy New Year, and welcome back to Swarthmore! We are Ninja, Pirate, and Robot, the Presidency of All Cosmos--oh! It's the rabble! Since We were forced to drink alone in Our rooms over break, We went on a small drunken rampage and accidentally destroyed all of the SWIL on the campus. We need you, the small pathetic rabble, to help us put it back. What? What's that you say? You say that We have not called the meeting to disorder? Why don't you go collect some noise? Rabble, that noise is pathetic! Well, halfway pathetic. And that screaming Arthur Chu you've collected brings you up to two-thirds not pathetic. It will have to do. But the universe is still not SWILlie enough (and now we get five angry e-mails about the spelling of SWILlie -n) (isn't there a 'y'? -r). Go roll up some SWIL! [cue theme music, "nanananananananananana"] Today you will be rolling in Sharples (sha-ru-pu-su? -n) (sharpies? -p) Room 4. You began in a very prompt fashion at practically 12:00. Now the doors are closed, and you must roll! <> Very good! This reminds Us of the St. Valentine's Day Massacre! We enjoy the Massacre, for it is a reflection of Our splendor! How? Never mind! The Massacre will happen at 6pm on February 14th in Sharupusu. Revan, Meggie, and Margaret have honorably volunteered to be Waitrons, and to run the event. The rest of you unfortunate so-called Princes will just have to wait until next week to sign up for positions as either Victrons or Thugtrons. <> <> <> Excellent! We can use this in Our Root Beer Kegger! That is when SWILlies play music so that We can get Our groove on in Paces. For now, We think that the Kegger should be held on March 18th, but perhaps the lowly frat boys have already reserved Paces for then. Never mind! What! What is Jim doing? Do not launder root beer in Our presence! Away with you! You must roll up more SWIL stuff. <> What is this? Why have you presumed to roll this up for Us? Do not roll up any more Pyrex! <> Wonderful! We will use this to make a SWIL shirt, so that all SWILlies can remember their wonderful Presidents of All Cosmos. What? Of course it will have Our likeness on it! You don't think so? Never mind! Then you must submit your own designs before Spring Break, and you can use pathetic voting methods to pick a favorite. Honestly, whatever happened to monarchic power? What? You say that you want to wear some SWIL shirts which were printed in the ancient past? Ridiculous! There are none left! What? Jillian says that she will organize the reprinting of these ancient shirts? Very well. Go to. Anyway. Now We want you to go roll up some SWIL people for this Katamari. Oh, maybe just a few, to fill vacant positions. You can do that, right? <> Why, this looks just like Susan, Our old schoolmate! What a nice Treasurer you have rolled up for Us! <> Wonderf-- Oh no, it has fallen off! Try not to crash into things so much. <> Two Librarians? Amazing! One can pass the duties on to the other at the end of the semester. These Librarians look like Jillian and Emmanuelle. Do they say 'Ook'? What? Never mind! <> Excellent! This looks like -- no, no, this is a bear. A rather small one, at that. This bear cannot be Our Miniprop. Try again, and try to make it less hairy. <> You rolled up Our leg! Oh well, it is a very fine leg. We are sure that it will do a good job keeping George clean. We shall name it Finlay. (thanks, guys...-r) (i like being swil president because it allows me to be evil - p) <> <> Hooray! This one won't get away now! Let's see -- it's Andrew! What did I say about the hair? (Andrew, we love you! -npr) Oh well, at least it's sentient. Perhaps it will be even better than the leg. <> Ew, how did that get there? It says the MPAA doesn't like Us! What? The nerve. They must be jealous of Our strong, powerful SWILMovie. ('swilmovie.' -npr) We shall consult your campus administrators so that the glory of SWILMovie shall never be diminished. <> <> <> <> <> Again? How did he escape? He must have been very wiggly. Anyway, We are very pleased. This means that he can organize the Science Fiction Discussion Table! <> <> Put those back! We shall have serious discussion topics this time! That is enough people. Now We think that you should roll up some fun events. How about a Saturday Night SWIL or two? <> <> Perfect! Too bad that We already decorated the SWIL board in Parrish last night. And you thought We never helped around the house. It is garish and eye-catching, festive, yet jarring, much like Ourselves. We are sure it shall be the envy of every other campus group. (for certain definitions of the word 'envy' - p) <> Excellent -- this can be next week's Saturday Night SWIL. Parlour gaming shall be held in the evening on Saturday the 28th. <> Thank goodness you've stopped that awful racket. (don't kill us! We love you all! -- npr) Oh well, We suppose it can be the Saturday Night SWIL two weeks from now. <> Good -- perhaps We can meet with the Queen Of All Cosmos in some sort of ur-club event! We shall call it DoubleSWIL, and Jerome shall be its organizer. <> It says, "You didn't spell 'SWILlies' right!" Well, this and many other fascinating topics (alums, we love you too, don't kill us - npr) can be discussed at SWIL Reunion next fall. If the pathetic rabble would like to help plan this momentous event, they should email majordomo (at) swil.org with "subscribe plan-nine" in the body. <> What? That's not a Katamari! And look, you rolled very low. It is a 1. However, this means that Sarah has found Our special present! Guess what it is <3<3<3! It is a Shiny Purple Slinky! Hey, come back here! We are not finished! You must still roll up Non-SWIL Business! <> No, put him back! He needs to speak at Temple University next Thursday the 26th at 8:00 PM. You can go see him then. (hey, robot is gone. Now we can write mean things about her! -n) <> No, put that back! You must have respect for the dead! No, I'm just kidding. He's starring in Lucky Stiff, the campus musical. You could have auditioned yesterday, but it's too late now. (robot sucks! -p) <> That's not just any ball--that's the English-Scottish Ball! But that's not happening until February 11th. Put it back! You can roll it up later. <> Excellent! We hear that there is a gaming convention somewhere around here, but We don't know any details. Talk to the leg (a.k.a. Finlay) if you're interested. <> Wonderful! We can take it to the opera tonight! You've missed the first two performances of Elixir of Love on Friday and Saturday, but you can go tonight at 8:00 PM in the Lang lobby. We'll go early--We need lots of room to stretch our legs. (to stretch finlay -n) (we love you, finlay! don't kill us! -np) <> <> Great! You can go have fun in the warm weather! Just kidding! That was yesterday. It's cold again now. Hahahaha! Is that all? You spent a whole hour rolling a katamari, and this is all you could find? This will make a most pathetic star. Oh, well. We suppose We can work with this, but try to do better next time. What? You want a new challenge? All right, roll up 10,000 SWILlies! <Timmy Falling Down a Well Jackie hates Alex!>> <> (alex, you have to change your last name. i don't like typing it. -p) <> (more like not-so-secretly evil vizier -n) (what are you talking about? he would never betray us! -p) <> <> (hate you -p) (well, this is an interesting turn of events -n) <> <> (note to self: never agree to type up the attendance list again -p) (::laughs helplessly:: -n) <> <> (i don't remember all these people at meeting! -n) <> <> (shits! hide the bootlegs! -n) <> <> <> <> (hey, where's her nickname? -p) (down the well -n) <> <> <> (time to set the monkey traps -n) <> <> <> (::screams:: -p) <> <> <> <> <> <> <> (tag! -p) <> (and we commend you for it -p) <> <> <> <> <> <> <> GEORGE DAHL >> Your Katamari is as big as 26 of these. What are you doing? No! Stay back! Noooooooooooooooooo! <>