From acbrown @ sccs.swarthmore.edu Wed Mar 16 23:04:26 2005 Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2005 21:54:13 -0500 (EST) From: Andrew C. Brown Reply-To: presidents @ swil.org To: swilnews @ swil.org Subject: BEST SWIL MEETING #5 EVER, SAY BYSTANDERS BEST SWIL MEETING EVER, SAY BYSTANDERS WOMAN 'RESERVES' ROOM 4 A semi-mythical entity known only as "a woman" reserved Sharples Room 4 on Saturday for "lunch". Unwilling to anger such a mysterious figure, the Sharples staff expelled local charity organization (SWIL) out into the cold, (ie, the small room), where its constituents largely froze to death, at least until the meeting was called to disorder. The rabble were not pathetic. [It's a tabloid; no one will believe it anyway -m] ALUMNI TERRORIZE CAMPUS JOSH SMITH ATTENDS, NO NEW JOSH SMITH NUMBERS DISTRIBUTED PRESIDENTS ARE FISH UN IS LIKE SWIL The meeting was loud and unruly, causing someone to call for Arthur to be shut up using UN Special Forces (tm), but as the presidents couldn't hear him, and no one really cares about the freshman [hey! I've got a very large book on my hands! -finlay], nothing was done about it, just like the UN. (Note: No offense was meant to either the freshman or the UN; the freshman are an invaluable part of our organization, and occasionally, the UN can get the USA to bomb people.) SWIL ENFORCES BONDAGE Lauren won the lottery, taking the Commemorative Mai and Jackie Love Cuffs (tm) [alternatively, love manacles of lesbian passion +3 -alex]. Nothing more will be said on this topic. [You know you want them: 99 cents at CVS -finlay] [The love cuffs or Mai and Jackie? -m] TOUR OF NEW DORM DEGENERATES INTO TRADITIONAL ENGLISH-SCOTTISH BALL PLANS MADE! Schlock deadline has been postponed until next week. This is also when T-shirt ideas are due. So come with ideas for both, or be sad. BEM deadline and t-shirt voting are both the weekend after break. THE ATTENDANCE LIST OF ALL THE STUPID ADS NO ONE READS ANYWAY JC "Ivan Vorpatril...sigh" Ravage BDan "mrraow" Fairchild Arthur "wasn't wanting melons, just a cute curvaceous B" Chu 42 James "James" Morrison "Morrison" Wheatherby "Whatever" Dupree "Took" very "good" care "of" his "Mother" although "he" was "only" three Finlay "______" Logan Sarah "Alpaca" Hartman. MARK "FAST AS I CAN" HANDLER Pile of "Green at Night, Pickle's Delight" Pickles Josh "Yeah, that Josh" Smith Michael "Infestation! Infestation!" Noda Hannah "this is a nice pen" Schneider Nick "Star Trek 4-Ever" Ward Chaos "Appearing in SWILnews this week only. Don't miss it" Golubitsky Adrian " sie sammeln und wissen nicht wir es kriegenwird" Packel Amy "join SWAPA!" Swift Marie "long live the puppet government" Cosgrove-Davies Mike "the Dwead Piwate Woberts" Karcher Benjamin "Raoul" "Hookers with Valkyrie Helmets" Bagley Jackie "I missed SWILMeeting due to my own sheer stupidity. Yay." Werner [Adam, you're a porn elemental -alex] Mary "fuck, I just lost the game" Wootters Jam "I'm an evil clone" ison Lauren "Shirt of folkdance (+1 on all folkdance skillchecks)" Goodfriend David "Terror All-Consuming" Stifler Sockpuppet Jamison Chris "feeling uncreative" White Ghrigg "why bother coming up with a nickname, the presidents will just screw it up anyway" Rebinshunt Eliza "the Conference of the Fantastic has an entire panel on SLASH!" Blair Ben "Shiny!" Newman Kyra "two years is a reasonable approximation of a bunny rabbit" Jucovy Mai "'Mrow?' 'Mrow?' 'Mrow!' 'Mroww...*myur*'" Pucik Jackie "Mai's love slave" Werner Mai "_Jackie's_ love slave" Pucik Alex "oh no, they're stuck in an infinite loop" Pshgslkhdlf.... Mai "okay, I guess" Pucik Jackie "this is why you shouldn't leave us alone with the attendence list" Werner Arthur "But Arthur's here" Chu Blake "he's gone" Setlow Meredith "damn frosh get everywhere" Blue Blake "too far!" Setlow -Man, Fist, and Curtain, the Ironic Presidency -- Andrew C. Brown, Esq. 'The Man of a Thousand Titles' SWILScribe of Appending Doom Kaos, Fifth Librarian of the Apocalypse Venti's Familiar Professor Chaos Meredith Toast Satan "Getting *that* much fun out of life ought to be illegal."