/***************/ /* SWILNews #9 */ /***************/ //Now Pitching, #9, SWILNews// /*********************/ /* This Week in SWIL */ /*********************/ 1) Live Challenge Tic-Tac-Toe will happen at 3 PM. If it runs long enough, it can transition to Game of the Week and a round of Telemarketer/Telephone Oracle can be played. If you have suggestions for challenges (or lists of previous challenges) e-mail the presidents at [presidents @ swil.org]. 2) Walpurgisnacht will happen Saturday, April 26, unless you have a really good reason why it shouldn't. 3) Movie Next Week (4-14): The Adventures of Baron von Munchhausen All SWILNewsii: http://www.swil.org/SWILnews/Spring03/index.html /****************/ /* SWILBusiness */ /****************/ Wow. The rabble struck out without even being pitched to. How pathetic! Elliot is 4 trolls. (4 trolls and you walk -w) (Base on trolls -w) (Yeah, I was afraid of that / jealous that I didn't say it first -d). Kyra's come down with a case of sexual food, and will be spending some time on the DL (I think this comment should go on the d/l before it's too late -w). (I vote we ignore that -d) (But we CAN'T ignore Kyra's sexual food. Send it to the minors. -w) (So we're no longer sheltering minors from sex. What's this country coming to? -d) (Or, on the other hand, miners need all the sex they can get. -d) ( And it's a single. -w) Coming in relief of Kyra and BDan as BEM Co-eds, batting 3rd, Arthur and Qian. All hail Arthur and Qian. (Given the way the weather has been recently... -d) (This SWILNews is going to hail in a handbasket! -w) Nominate books you stupid illiterate players! Books nominated will be voted on, and the top vote getters will go to the all-star game, err, Cordwainer Bird science fiction library, which is located on the second floor of Cornell, for those of you who don't know. BDan moved his feet by SWILVote. Unfortunately, he was left stranded at 3rd base. The Grand Melee happened. All participants involved in the second-largest bench-clearing brawl of the season were suspended for three games and fined $10,000, except for the winners, Toby Sanan (1st), Todd Gillette (2nd), and Jordan Rosen (3rd). Next year's uniforms were voted on. The new team logo will be some sort of Phoenix/'Dactyl cross with the caption "Oracle, where do SWILlies come from?". The duck failed to show up and forfeited, though it still almost won. (Oracle - where do SWILlies come from? The minor leagues. -w) ( -d) Comma is responsible for Nick not being here. Nick is responsible for Nick Ward, err, Global Warming. (And the Devil Rays. -d) Walpurgisnacht night at the SWILdome will be catered by Kelsey, who volunteered to buy food and Qian. (But I don't eat Qian! I'm not a Qianitarean -w) We're planning to obtain SAC funding, so ticket prices will be free, as opposed to being determined by the Rebecca Paul evil economist system (TM). Somebody should run housing bingo, since Rebecca Paul retired. Housing bingo happens during the night of soph. room draw. The remaining rooms are scrambled and placed on bingo boards, and as they're picked, they're crossed off. Winners receive prizes. (Hey! There's Jonathan! -wd) (Secret Editorial Message: I have the stuff for housing bingo, and will at the very least prepare the game boards. -t) Mark had a bad day at the plate. First he was tempted to build a crane, then after being hit by a pitch, he was caught stealing one from Dupont. (Dupont has a great pickoff move -w). Finally, in his last at-bat, he was tickled. (I'm not tickled by the idea of repeating this. -d) The panel has been rained out and rescheduled for next semester. Your tickets may be redeemed for their value in paper or a duck, whichever you'd prefer. /********************************/ /* 7th Inning stretch - Lottery */ /********************************/ Comma won with the New York Jets. (Vinny Testaverde pitched seven innings of scoreless ball before being relieved by Chad Pennington...wait a minute... -wd) Comma won eyes, and traded them for a chance to win a goat in the bowl. We fooled him and the bowl only contained a puzzle sphere. (Does that count as doctoring the ball? -d) /************************************/ /* Now in relief - Non-SWILBusiness */ /************************************/ Jim and Abby will make you all go hunt for the ball when he comes in to pitch an easter egg hunt. E-mail him if interested [jim @ jimmosk.com]. In other action on Saturday: Jazz Band beat Hollis's concert 8 PM to 3 PM. Noda brought games, so the season will continue. Jawaad's birthday improved to 2 Pm - 12 Pm on the season in Kohlberg Field. Chaverim went into extra innings at Haverford, the results were not received in time for this printing of SWILNews #9. /*******************/ /* Attendance List */ /*******************/ //Attendance List of Yes there should NOT be an attendance list// Chris "I have no nickname, and thus I suck" Segal (Call 'im lefty -w) (Left out in the cold? -d) Mai "Midshipmen" Pucik Greg "The splorchtastic Mr. Spleen" Robinson (He throws his patented spleen ball -w)(And they complained that the spit ball wasn't sanitary? -d) Jean "CENSORED" Schneider Kelsey "FI-YAH" Hollenback Rachel "glowing green and purple...or not" Sapiro Michael " 2b V NOT(2b)" Noda (I think he's a shortstop -w)( -d) ~Elliot "I want a duck!" Reed Ben """"..."""..."""" Newman (He throws a mean shrinker-ball -w) (Yeah, a few weeks ago SAC threw a screw-ball -d)( -w) Kyra "Overly enthused by the thought of daylight savings time" Jucovy benjamin 'other lawyers call him "the beast"' r, george Jim "He hasn't been seen in weeks, and before that he always loved appearing on TV - do you think that Trent Lott is still alive" Moskowitz (He's pitching for Tampa Bay -w) Qian "Dizzy" Qian JC "W_ll K_ne" Ravage Jillian "Pardon me, your meeting seems to be making a odd buzzing noises" Waldman (That's the home run horn -w) (So when there's a fire, volunteer fire-fighters run home? -d) David "" Benitez BDan "What me sleep?" Fairchild Rachel "Borgel Lives" Kaufman Jason "You believe in me, therefore I exist" Bronstein (Ah, the Orioles chances of winning the pennant -w)(Ah, the Babe Ruth curse -d) Horatio "not Harry" Hornblower (I'm just wild about Harry Hornblower... -d) Archie "Sapphire bullets" Kennedy (I'm sure it's illegal to throw those -w)(I bet Gaylord Perry threw 'em -d) Jack "I hate snottx / Axis of Evil" Simpson (That's okay, they lost today -w) ~Samanta "focus...on destroying their brains" Crane MARK "BLAH BLAH BLAH" HANDLER /******************/ /* Smacking Stats */ /******************/ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Puns Hits Errors ( -w) WAR 2 1 0 0 0 1 0 2 1 7 3 2 DEATH 0 0 1 0 0 2 3 1 1 8 2 3