From daniel at sccs.swarthmore.edu Tue Sep  3 23:04:54 2002
Date: Wed, 17 Apr 2002 21:30:27 -0500 (EST)
From: BDan Fairchild 
Reply-To: Presidents 
To: The SWIL List:  ;
Subject: The Constitution of SWILNews #10

(the Friedrich Nietzche SWILNews? -k)
(No.  We said we're never writing another philosophy SWILNews again. -s)
(Oh, we need a punchline.  Oh, well. -s)
(                      ______
                      /   ___\
                      |  (___)
 ---------------------|  (___)
                      |  (___)
                      \__(__)  -c)

We, the presidents of the organization known as SWIL, in order to fulfill
our various obligations, to explain what happened at last week's
SWILmeeting, and to ensure standardized weights and measures, do ordain and
establish this SWILNews.

Article I: ***SWILBusiness***

Section 1.

Whereas JC hath proven himself absent, Abby is hereby invested with the
title of Administrative Assistant General.

Section 2.

It is the finding of this convention that the Rabble were not overly
pathetic.

Section 3.

All power to solicit submissions for BEM next year shall be vested in the
legislature, which shall consist of the BEM co-eds.

Section 4.

At a duly appointed time, the representatives of the several dorms assembled
for Challenge Chess. (We need a comment about how White was foully and
treacherously defeated by Black. -s) (White was gloriously defeated by the
forces of Black. -c)

Section 5.

Spec Weekend shall be next weekend.  The duly appointed authorities shall
requisition a room in which to house the Spec Weekend banner.  However, no
troops shall be quartered in this room.  The room used shall be the room of
Miss Katie McAlister, representative of the delegation from Parrish.  (What
do you mean we can't quarter any troops there?  Just for that, I'm going to
quarter *all* my troops there, and I challenge any of you who is man enough
to stop me! -s) (Fine.  Do I have to go through all your imaginary troops,
too? -c)

On Sunday of Spec Weekend at 3 o'clock, there shall be an activities fair in
time of national celebration.  People should show up to greet specs (and zap
them with our MIND CONTROL RAYS! -s) (What if they're wearing
AFDBs? -c) (Then we'll have to resort to more extreme "measures." -s), sit
at the table, and have some fun.

Section 6.

Following meeting next weekend, the delegates shall adjourn to Sharples Patio
partake in the ritual of Spamageddon.  The representatives shall be required
to freeze Spam in liquid nitrogen and then smash it in new and interesting 
ways.  There shall be no other religious requirement for public office.  

Section 7.

The other presidents shall not talk about philosophy while we are writing
SWILNews. (What do you mean?  Ruly hasn't said a word about philosophy! -s)

Section 8.

Nominations for SWILmovies for next semester shall be determined in
convention at SWILmeeting on the date of April 27th, in the year 2002.  The
representatives shall nominate movies of a thematically appropriate nature,
which is hereby defined as science fiction, fantasy, anime, or just plain
weird or speculative.

Section 9.

Senior delegates shall be remembered in three weeks time, on the date of May
4th.

Section 10.

In light of the iminence of Arbor Day, be it hereby resolved that
Walpurgisnacht shall be held in the WRC on the night of Saturday, April
27th.

Article II: The Lottery

Section 1.

The holder of ticket number 125 (BDan) shall be invested with Goofy Gooeyes
and all the powers entailed therein.  (Like five to the power of three! -c)

(Section 2.

The other presidents shall not threaten each other with their Swiss Army
knives while writing SWILNews. -s)

Article III: ***NonSWILBusiness***

Section 1.

The institution of Gamelan is hereby abolished.  Sunday at 3 was their last
concert for the year.

Section 2.

It is the opinion of the Committee of Redundancy Committee that nothing
important has happened at SWILmeeting yet.

Section 3.

FOQS hath submitted a report to the Committee of the Whole, which groaned.

Section 4.

The presidents shall be invested with the authority to buy books at McCabe,
and also to purchase the Louisiana Territory, should it become available.

Section 5.

There was an important fact-finding expedition to Bryn Mawr to play
Quidditch.  Mr. Satan, the delegate from the lower planes, hath expressed
his satisfaction with this most unwholesome and occultly influenced game.

Section 6.

The power of grapes shall be bestowed upon Rebecca Jones.

Section 7.

The Chairwoman of the Federal Reserve shall organize Housing Bingo, which
the delegates shall play at the freshman housing lottery.

Section 8.

Miss Qian Li of the delegation from Parrish has formed a committee of one to
seek housing off-campus.

Section 9.

There shall be no Mathnet today.

Article IV:The Attendance List Whose Parents Don't Love It Anymore

Abby "Howdy, Jackson" Friedman
Rebecca "Chess piece" Jones
Robert "McFarland. Absent-minded quote. Robert" McFarland
Adam "He who shall not be named" Oleksa
Ben "Teleporter" Mitchell
Michael "Channeling channels" Noda
Rebecca "Bringing my parent to SWIL Meeting" Paul
Ben "$quote {$i}" Newman
Carolyn (Did Rebecca even admit to knowing me?) Paul
MARK "ENGINEERING HOMEWORK SHOULD NOT BE DONE ON SATURDAYS" HANDLER
Mark's FAN CLUB
Rachel "awake and cheerful and insane" Sapiro
Nick's mom whose name must not be spoken
Steve "Billy Beaver" Ward
Jimmy "Do you think you understand it better than you think you understand
it?" Kong
Nick "Hmmm... I don't think my parents love me any more..." Ward
JONATHAN "TWO CONSECUTIVE MEETINGS... I'M COMING IN FOR THE HOME
STRETCH!!!" SCHNEIDER*
Lonnie "It doesn't have to be a quote from anyone" Fairchild
Qian "I'm sitting between BDan & his mom!" Qian
BDan "I said order!" Fairchild
benjamin 'no serenading the moose!' r, george
Callicles 'can I be the other bishop?' the Moose
~Elliot "So if I've figured out how to solve all the problems of philosophy,
is my life meaningless?" Reed
Magic "And I'm still unloved!" Loops
Joel "A Bqlrmz zfAALt'z" McNary
Amy' "Never teleporting again" Marinello
John "Bananas" Finkbiner
Michael "W" McNary
Sarah "This mother loves these footnotes" McNary

*THIS FOOTNOTE LOVES ITS MOTHER**
**This footnote is a parent.



done in Convention by the Unanimous Consent of the States present the
Seventeenth Day of April in the Year of our Lord two thousand and two and of
the Existence of the Swarthmore Warders of Imaginative Literature the
Twenty-fourth In witness whereof We have hereunto subscribed our Names,

Ruly, Kempt, Sheveled, and Couth