We don't think it's fair that Sixteen Feet always gets to run Quaker Matchbox, while SWIL is stuck doing things like having a B O O K S A L E ! ! ! ! ! ! ! T O D A Y A N D T O M O R R O W ! ! ! ! ! ! ! in Sharples to raise money. (Okay, so it's really to raise space.) We'll also note that it will *not* be happening at lunch today, contrary to what the Daily Gazette thinks. It is *today* (that's *Thursday*) at *dinner*, and *tomorrow* (that's *Friday*) at *lunch*. Anyway, since we feel so jealous of Feet, we now bring you... S W I L J a n i t o r i a l S e r v i c e s ! (See, a ward is kind of like a custodian. -d) (But we're not the Swarthmore Wards of Imaginative Literature. -g) (I don't know, maybe we are. Lots of us were raised by imaginative literature. -d) (So are we the custodians, or are there separate SWIL custodians running around? -g) (I don't know.... -d) (It would be cool if they were separate. Maybe they'd clean my room. -g) (I think it would be cool to have tiny little SWILlies running around cleaning things up. Like Kyla. -s) (I don't think Stone would really pick on Kyla like that, Darkness. -g) (Why not? It's her own fault she forgot the notebook again and had to go get it. -d) *** SWILBusiness *** The rabble were saucy. Sigh. And they dripped all over the place. Do you know how much of a pain that is to clean up? It's all icky. You know what's even worse? Spam! That stuff is just vile to begin with. I can understand people wanting to destroy it, but do they always have to make such a mess? (Maybe we can think of nice, clean ways to destroy Spam. -s) (Nice, hygenic ways. With lethal injection. -d) (We'd better think of them soon, though. Remember, we're going to try to pick an idea for Spamageddon right after break! -g) (That's right, Gold. This is very, very important. -s) (See, custodial knowledge knows no bounds. -d) Don't submit a 3500-page series of novels to BEM! L. Ron Hubbard isn't! You can't too! Act now to submit something much, much shorter! (If you submit something longer, I suppose we could use it as kindling in the incinerator. -g) We had an Unnecessary SWILVote on not whatever. Everyone was in favor except for Ross. Come help with the Book Sale! (Elephants never forget. Maybe we should replace SWILlies with them. -s) (That would be interesting in the Pterodactyl Hunt. -d) We've got to clean some of these things out of our libraries. Because when people are in there reading the books, it makes it hard to vacuum around them. Speaking of reading, if you really want to collect dust on yourself because you're sitting for 24 hours reading The Two Towers, then you should come to the 24-hour Tolkien reading of... The Two Towers. It will happen a week from Saturday (the second weekend of break), starting at noon, in the WRC. (Wrc, wrc, wrc. That's all we do. -g) SONIA WAS HERE T-shirt voting will happen on April 7th. There should be ideas on which to vote. Think of them! Speaking of things that collect dust, we voted on movies to show for Schlock. The... er... winners... were: The Star Wars Holiday Special Valley of Gwangi Beastmaster 2 The alternate for Vally of Gwangi is Future Wars; the other alternate is Surf Nazis Must Die. Barf bags will be provided. Likewise, broom will be provided for when you pull out all your hair in frustration over what they did to Star Wars. (Jar-Jar Binks don't look so bad now, does he? -s) Stone won the lottery and gave her slime to Gold. There were cries of foul play, but nefarious and vindictive copresidents would never think of doing such a thing. (Thanks for the idea! -d) *** NonSWILBusiness *** Ross went to the mall. *** We, the undersigned, Freely Admit that We Were Present at SWIL Meeting on Saturday, March 3rd (and therefore are the property of the presidents Gold, Stone, and Dagger,* to be used in whatever capacity they desire) *where Dagger is the property of Darkness *** (I meant to write Darkness.... -s) ( You never write! -d) (I already have one Jewish mother! -s) BDan "The Government of Austria-Hungary in Exile" Fairchild (If I were in exile, I'd be hungry too. -d) Catherine "NSync inspired my thesis" Osborne (Yay! -g) Jim "Let it Snow" Moskowitz (Um, yeah. Please? -s) ~Elliot "They can make me their property, but they'll never stop my seventeen credits of seminar!" Reed (Look, Elliot, we're telling you, you're really going to want to stop it yourself. Real Soon Now(tm). -gsd) benjamin "Does anybody here speak Mokilese?" r, george & Callicles "unfaithful mappings" the Moose & Margeret "Circular chain shift" the Camera (Hey, I didn't see a typewriter at meeting. -s) (Maybe you really did see a typewriter. 'Cause I didn't. -d) (Are you implying that whenever I say I didn't see a typewriter, I'm lying? -s) The "Epistemic Values" patriarchy (What's an epistemic value? -s) (Idunno. -g) ( -d) Rachel "I will _not_ eat Spam!" Sapiro (Then you'd better destroy it! -s) (And pay attention in meeting. -d) Kyra "There's lots of discos in the South of France." Jucovy Jimmy "Keys, train of thought, Ryoga Hibiki, and virginity... things that are easily lost" Kong (What's Ryoga Hibiki? -g) (Idunno. -s) ( -d) Ross "The Sherade is over. All thAt remAins is the Shera'de" MessiNG (Maybe it's short for Shaherazad. Or however it's spelled. If Ross can't spell it, we shouldn't have to either. -g) Kyla "well, I was going to object, but since I know I belong to me and more people belonging to me isn't a bad thing, okay!" Tornheim (You're short. -s) Willa "I am not at SWIL meeting. I am not at SWIL meeting. I am not..." Bandler (Join us, Willa. It will only take a minute. -s) Matt "$\emptyset$" Fowles Ben "of Ekiteo" Newman Abby "I'm a slayer; ask me how" Friedman Robert "quote in an infinite well" McFarland Sonia "was not here, surely" Mariano Amy' "Epsilon knights" Marinello (For every Epsilon Knight greater than zero, there is a Delta Knight greater than zero such that... hee hee, I'm so funny! -g) John "R a i n b o w + Teal " Finkbiner Rebecca "my slime escaped somewhere" Jones ( -s) Tobasco & Pepper *** Anti-Attendance List of People Who Were NOT here *** Generalissimo L. Ron Hubbard ("is still dead") Total Pinkness The Man in the Shack antimatter man *** Gold, Stone, and Darkness *** (Should we end with a dirty joke? -d) (137 white lemmings fall into a puddle of mud. -g)