From aem @ sccs Tue Sep 12 17:07:36 2000 Date: Mon, 1 May 2000 17:28:14 -0400 (EDT) From: Amy' Marinello To: _swat.org.swil @ swarthmore.edu Subject: The Thirteen Circles of SWILNews #13 This week, your fearless and loyal copresidents have made a long and treacherous journey to the depths of that most dark and evil place (final exams? -q) known here only by its first initial, H. (Hicks? -a) (Harvard? -q) (Haverford? -b) Guided only by everyone's favorite game show host and prophetic gatekeeper of the underworld, Guy Smiley, we journeyed through thirteen circles of increasing... badness. But first, there were the thirteen circles of Purgatory. Er, and NonPurgatory. ,,,,,,SWILBusiness,,,,,, DanB was scary. Very scary. Agh. The rabble was non-pathetic. Get your movie votes in by tomorrow! You've got the email, and you know what to do. The t-shirt guy got the order on Tuesday, so shirts should be arriving sometime this week. (Yay! -a) Schlock starts tonight at 10:30 with "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians". Tommorrow night, also at 10:30, is "Gamera vs. Guiron", and Wednesday at 10 is "Mazes and Monsters". BEM is here! If you didn't pick up a BEM after meeting, they'll be in George soon, if not already. Submit to BEM! Walpurgisnacht happened Saturday night in the WRC. The space met our needs well (but next year we should remember that the _third_ floor is _carpeted_, people! -q). Spamageddon is going to occur this Friday at 7:30 in Crum Meadow. See Spam. See Spam levidate. Levitate, Spam, levitate! See Spam blown to smithereens. Goodbye, Spam. Tamora Pierce was awesome. She talked for two hours, and people hung on her every word (I think I missed one of the "the"s -b). About sixty people came, leading to the comment, "SWIL--more popular than being gay in high school!". We should do this again sometime. Like next year. Return your Cordwainer books, especially if you are graduating, or otherwise leaving the area. The time has come to reinventory Cordwainer. This will probably be begun in the vicinity of Senior Week and continued over the summer. Let Hannah know if you want to help. The following list was sent around for people who are interested in retribution for the fact that Video Update and Kit Parker are evil because they claimed to have movies they did not. Sign-Up for Murderous Rampage to Burn Down Video Update + Kit Parker BDan "I like fire!" Fairchild Rebecca "boom!!!" Jones Sarah "wake up and smell the burning plastic" Bergstrom Kyla "If I can use my daggers, okay" Tornheim Jeremy "Whatever I can do from California" Dilatush Oooh, ooh, me! -- Lindsay chaos "kill, kill, kill" golubitsky Otavia "I'm morally opposed to this. However, I'd be all for a stoning!" Propper ~Elliot "When do we start?" Reed benjamin 'commas, commas everywhere!' r, george & Callicles 'I hope he doesn't find out I erased his hard drive.' & Margaret 'I have a flashbulb, and I know how to use it.' Being Jim Moskowitz ,,,,,,NonSWILBusiness,,,,, There was a Moxy Fruvous concert on Sunday at 2:00 at Bryn Mawr, and they didn't tell anyone. Gah. On Sunday at 12:00, Abi-Wan showed "Field of Dreams". Kyla was there. On Sunday at 2:00, Abi-Wan showed "Bull Durham". Kyla left halfway through. On Sunday at 4:00, Abi-Wan showed "For Love of the Game". Prime and Elliot were there, and Kyla showed up halfway through. The Chorus concert happened Saturday night. The Chorus concert happened again Sunday night. Before leaving Sunday morning, Catherine moved all her stuff from ML to Parrish. In the fall, Arcadia will start Wednesday-night MST3K showings. If you have requests, let her know and she'll bring those. Andrew Bryce's production of MacBeth happened Saturday night. Beth and Hannah and Ben were in the band. Andrew Bryce's production of MacBeth happened again Sunday afternoon. Beth and Hannah and Ben were in the band again (so they missed the Moxy Fruvous concert -b) (and my movies! -a). Due to the early start of meeting, Otavia missed the end of the "Dungeons and Dragons" cartoon. (Fortunately, "Mazes and Monsters" is Wednesday. Aren't you all excited? -q) The Buffy marathon continued. (And on, and on.... -a) The Goth party happened Saturday night. ,,,,,,Senior Remembrances,,,,,, The first bit of Senior Remembrances consisted of a singing of Abi-Wan's filk called "SWIL Pie". Because this message is going to be about 70K anyway, we're including the lyrics. If you want to hear how truly awful we sounded, borrow Queen Amydala's tapes of most (namely, three hours) of the meeting. A long, long time ago I can still remember how those seniors used to make me smile And though I knew they'd have to leave I tried to find some brief reprieve So maybe they would stay here for awhile. But April showers made me shiver As Crum Creek turned into a river. Exams were on the doorstep -- I couldn't take one more step. I cannot say how much I cried -- I felt like part of me had died -- And something touched me deep inside The day we said good-bye. /Chorus/ So bye, bye chaos, Amy good-bye. Kira, Heather, Sarah, Hannah, Lindsay, Anna good-bye. Otavia, Scott, Alecia goodbye. Soon you're gonna be alumni. Soon you're gonna be alumni. Did you write a bug-eyed book And would you give me a dirty look If I told you "Indigo?" Do you believe in root beer kegs? Are you opportunities still eggs? Will ya buy a duck before you go? Well I heard your 'Dactyl Hunting rocked And I saw you at Walpurgisnacht. We all kicked off our shoes, Had a wild orgy or two. But now your future o'er us looms Take the Bad-Ass Minivan of Doom And leave us, lonely, in our rooms -- It's time we say good-bye. /Chorus x 2/ (For convenience, every time we name a year by grade, it will be relative to the current seniors. So "freshman year" is... uh... however many years ago that was. Thank goodness we have no five- or six-year seniors!) The Felicitous Tale of the First Nonmember: Will Untereker Tall with short dark hair. Had a good voice. Son of woman who was Dean of Admissions during freshman year, so he was a Ville rat. Went to Puckers for four years. In the class "Barbarian North". Sophomore year, lived on Jennifer's hall and walked around with no shirt, but it was okay, because yum! Went to RenFaire sophomore year, so sitting behind Kyla on bus ride back was part of the "trio of loveliness": Scott, Will, and Chris. First dismemberee of the Class of 2000. The Felicitous Tale of the Second Nonmember: Tim Handley Was at ML. Tackled Beth on the path down to Sharples one year. Drives a red Ford Mustang. Last year, dyed his hair pink. Freshman year, was part of the "Willets (gnyah... I had to type it -q) SWIL crowd" (yes, it really existed -a). Sophomore year, lent Chaos a box with his name on it, and at the end of last year, she packed it full of books, which led to comments such as "Tim Handley weighs 58 pounds!" and has now made him a unit of measurement. Bare foot in the cement square on the way to ML is his. Likes to throw food at people. The Felicitous Tale of the Third Nonmember: Scott Price (and now, Bachelor Number 3! -q) Dismembered only a couple of weeks ago, by Executive Rule 4 (despite having attended meetings since before Jim Huang came to Swat -b). Has a thing for rabbits, especially homicidal ones. The only person in the whole school who can run the soundboard in LPAC. Was the Black Knight, and fought valiantly with a sword in his teeth (back when they used newspaper swords for the Black Knight -a). The Prankmaster. Freshman year April Fools' Day, tied all the doors across the hall from each other in ML together. Lived on the same end of the same hall for four years. Part of the "Chair Liberation Front" that took chairs from Kohlberg classrooms and put them on the roof by the sundial, along with a list of demands and a sign that said "Submit to our demands, or we'll jump!" One of the first people Amy met at Orientation. His fishpond is the most peaceful place on campus, although when Jim fishsat, the fish spent six weeks under a rock. For two years, has been dormtech manager. Last year, made history by spending the entire week of finals writing papers with Alecia in Pearson. In the class "Chivalric Societies", Heather had a rubber rat that they whacked to relieve stress, and started pounding and squeaking whether or not the rat was there. Pulverizes Peeps and lights them on fire. In "Survey of English Literature", rolled his eyes every five minutes. Microwaved CDs. Had a PVC-pipe foam sword fight outside of the Quad one morning with Chaos. Was Alecia's lawyer in her dismemberment. Looked very pretty in a dress at the Liz Nichrons concert. Catherine French braids his hair. Punmaster of the senior class. Got a foxtail stuck in a tree during finals 2-3 years ago. "There are spoons fucking in my backpack!" The Felicitous Tale of the Fourth Nonmember: Alecia Magnifico Was Abi-Wan's CA. Was supposed to be Kyla's host when she specced, but went out of town instead. She and Lindsay threw a party for SWIL and Debate, and got everyone really drunk watching "The Shining" and "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." She's the best hairdresser. She and Chaos moved into the Triple on Parrish 2nd spring of sophomore year, and thought about renting out the extra property. She went to visit Otavia and Linsday in Scotland, and spent most of the spring semester sophomore year on the phone to one of them. Lindsay, Alecia, and a friend of Lindsay's from high school went to a bar in Dublin, where guys were ogling Alecia, so she asked "Lindsay, will you do me a favor?" and draped herself on Lindsay until the guys stopped ogling. Spring of sophomore year, chaos bought OS 8 for her computer, screwed up trying to install it, and while she was out, Joe and Alecia put the no vowel extension on the computer. While they were working on it, there were many people hanging out, have a tickle fight, and Alecia hit her head on the couch. She and Heather spent 17 hours in a car in the rain in New England one weekend. She let Catherine stay with her in NYC when Catherine locked herself out of her apartment July 4th weekend. Got Hollis from the Phillie airport at 2:45am, talked to his folks, and pretended not to be asleep when he called. Famous for going to bed at midnight and getting up at 2:00am to work. Got Jennifer from the airport, too. (Clearly, she's Airport Lady! -b) Alecia-isms: "One does not get the stomach flu, one gets the fucking stomach flu." "God bless us and save us all." She's the ex-president of the Conservative Union, so she gets books, and reads aloud -- which led to "Cotraceptives are evil. Contraceptors are evil. That's people who contracept." meaning that "contraceptics" is a vald word. Chaos and Alecia were presidents of the two most hated organizations on campus living in one room. She played the single mom of Romeo Montague. At the End of Act I, Kyla thought "Oh my god Alecia's in the way" as the curtain came down and... thwack! Favorite Idiotic Tour Question: "So, how much do you sleep *really*?" Alecia had active involvement in the MSJ Peasley We Give Out Free Alcohol Society. Ran over half of the campus organizations. Damon and Alecia went to get a person from the airport when the parking garage was under construction, found out too late that Swat vans are too high for the clearance level, and Alecia ended up standing behind Damon as he backed out, trying to stop cars on the corkscrew up ramp. Alecia as the Oracle was way spiffy (was she wicked nifty, too? -a) Wore much black in many Shakespeare productions. Punctured Fridge Story: the fridge in the Quad had built up a lot of ice, so she and Scott set out to defrost it manually with a large steak knife, and punctured the coolant tubes. Set off the ML fire alarm with her many candles. Stood on a desk chair to get down wine glasses. The entire Quint (minus Audrey) campaigned Myrt to let Alecia move in. Alecia and Chaos were part of the Quint plus Parrish Dinners. The Felicitous Tale of the Fifth Nonmember: Otavia Propper Yay Gandhi. Co-invented the Whatever, Major Fucking Loser symbol with Kira. Treasurer when Dave Mimnot left, so had no guiding hand of the previous treasurer. Did a romance cover picture with Dave. Changed her major frantically. Was a Dorm Consultant. Was a major Folk Dance Person, sometimes Folk Dance President. Had a fabulous silver dress. She and Lindsay met in Venice, and went to McDonald's. Deep fries Mars bars -- disgusting, but good. (ewwww -b) Freshman year went to Puckers. Once she and Kira wanted ice cream, so they made two cappucino's and split a pint of Ben & Jerry's Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz Buzz before going to Puckers one evening. For a solid week, she sang "We like sheep" with Heather. After she got back from singing, she hit her ceiling with an umbrella because people moved furniture at midnight. In Florence, tried to bargain down a vendor for Lindsay, while speaking in Portugese with him. Didn't skate D-line freshman year. Has a wonderful feather bed. Has a great motivational ball speech. Dances well. Worked in Naval Observatory. Wrote many short e-mails with Chaos. Conquered the rain (for awhile, it always rained when she gave a tour.) The Felicitous Tale of the Sixth Nonmember: Lindsay Herron Actually Kyla's host when she specced; Kyla looked at her books and movies and though, "I'm going to like this girl!" (little did she know... ;-) -q). In Scotland, called "The Long Kiss Goodnight" sweet, funny, and romantic, despite the presence of assassins, blood, etc. Thinks "Pretty Woman" is awful and that the most romantic movie of all time is "Terminator". Nominates every movie and likes them all. The first time Jennifer met her, they were partnered in a Contra and had no idea what to do except when to swing. Roomed with Alecia freshman year in Wharton, and it worked because both of them liked country music. Her idea to throw the SWIL/Debate party. Throws semester-ending parties and has a different name for each of them. Has worn the same outfit for her Christmas party all four years. When Abby watched "Scream II" with her and asked whether each character was going to die, she just giggled evilly. Had Wednesday-afternoon movie days freshman year. At Robert's first meeting, he thought she was the only person who was normal in SWIL because she was calm and rational (little did he know... ;-) -a) (hey, she scared me by telling me she was halfway normal... -q). Liason to power and SC (Movie Committee, SAC, BC, FFFS). Her karate class calls her the "bouncy blond blackbelt". Was famous in Fred's Star Wars campaign for begging, "Can I please have a thermal detonator? Please? Maybe one, maybe two?" and for arming the drunken monkey. In another of Fred's campaigns, she and Sarah went around seducing things. Likes opera for the plots. At Rebecca's St. Patrick's Day party, sat in the corner reading the SM book. Told Chaos she was sorry, but she was pretty sure Arcadia was straight. Went out with Damon, decided she was miserable, and asked, "Alecia, would you do me a favor? Would you seduce my boyfriend?" DanB thought she was a professor. The statue of William Penn was clearly important to her, because upon finding it missing, she shouted, "They took it away!" Actually *asked* Abby if she'd be willing to take her to a Yankees game. At the Activities Fair, recognized Kyra and shouted, "You want to join the opera club!" Because she and Robert's mom are both from Albuquerque, they shared email... unbeknownst to Robert. Alecia's family likes Lindsay better than Alecia; in fact, her mom invited Lindsay to Thanksgiving without necessarily inviting Alecia. Jennifer told her to visit Sicily, so she shared email with her mom too, and stayed at the Tyson's house while they weren't there. At the end of last fall, went to New York with Kira and Jennifer, where they stayed in a sketchy hotel with one double bed and sat on a windowsill telling conspiracy stories about the office building across the street. Has never lived in ML. Is a photographer. Was a Pterodactyl. Great at organizing Contras. The Felicitous Tale of the Seventh Nonmember: Sarah Bergstrom Kyla's grader for E6, and she explained stuff. Text-adventure addict. Abby's fellow Classicist, she spent all semester saying the Iliad was better than the Odyssey, and when Abby finally reached the same conclusion, she had the grace not to say, "I told you so." Bailed Chaos out junior year by living in a one room double. Makes wonderful spinach-ball thingies. Spent frosh year in Willets, where she did Engin problem sets as, "Do a problem, Take a shot" at the Friday night problem parties. Walk of Shame from ML to E6 problem sessions. Also had the longest Walk of Shame, from ML to Woolman. Was an Honorary Quad Roommate of Scott. Had a duct tape dress for Sager. Had a cat outfit freshman year, with boots and a whip, for SWILoween. After Housing Lottery last year, she showed Prime and Rebecca their room. Was a Jabberwock, with a great burble she demonstrated during meeting. "The roommate who can sleep through anything" -- didn't notice Chaos and Catherine drunk until she woke up to a bottle of vodka on the floor. When the fire alarm went off at 3 am because a radiator exploded: Chaos fiddling with alarmclock, blur of Sarah running by. Had a Total Eclipse of the Sun mask at SWILoween senior year. The year before, wore a scary 70s outfit. The Felicitous Tale of the Eighth Nonmember: Hannah Schneider Cordwainer librarian. Official SWIL Numerologist. (What a neat sentience proof! -a) Costume designer and "mad sewing woman." Also, "mad manuscript illuminating woman." Did the drawings for the Ball booklet. Had a surreal tea party with Beth. Handed out index cards at inaugeration freshman year, with messages like "Congratulations on your proficiency with a hole punch" and "Congratulations on your conquest of the Middle East." Made a collage called "Turnip Tragedy." Was witness on the all right turns from ML to Sharples journey (they had to go through Rutledge. Will! -b) Orchestra. Was part of the reason for Larry and Megan's wedding containing the Red Dwarf theme song. Often a musician for Folk Dance. Also provided music for the SWILoween antler dance. (Things that make you go mrprf! -q) Visited family in DC with Amy, then went to NYC on the Jersey Turnpike... on Thanksgiving (aaaaaaaagh! -a, who's running away and hiding) "I'm a vegetarian, but I don't want anyone to know." Helped run the Passover seders the past two years, with Chaos and Kyla. Brought "Pink" for the Soda Tasting. Wally the Blue Tangerine was on her white board. Made a shrine to her Muse, and is a good religious consultant. Had a religion class with a lab -- "fly to spirit world." Designed the religion shirt for last year. Moved costumes for "Arcadia" via the shuttle. Hanna "The Hook" Schneider. The Moon Story: There was supposed to be an eclipse, but it was cloudy, so she and Amy sang "Blue Moon" to the moon, over and over, to try to draw it out. It didn't work. (Note: At this point in the meeting, Abi-Wan was a Megan.) The Felicitous Tale of the Ninth Nonmember: Anna Hess Had her chatlist intros, such as "Anna, Warrior Princess," written for her by Melissa, Joe, and others. Had lots of nicknames frosh year, like "Organizational Guru" and "Techno Babe." Was pranked last year with lots of boxes that had eyes on them in her room. Is an artist and had her exhibition recently. Tried to wash her face in dew. Led woodswalks and a clean-up expedition to the ruins across the Crum. Participated in the April Fools' Day snowstorm snowball fight in Cornell. "You lie like an Anna." Anna-isms: "Ayup." "Me-liss-a." "Thingameer." "That movie, the one, with the guy?" -- "Leap of Faith?" -- "Yes!" "Uh-huh." Pas-de-basquing and kicking people. Is an evil Contra dancer ("Trust me"... never again! -a) Fall of freshman year, Chaos was depressed, so Anna had to convince her, by lying extensively, to come to Puckers so that she would then go to an out-of-the-blue surprise party. Was collecting pocket lint for a while. Media Courthouse wanted 4 other pieces of ID before giving her a passport. Frantically eating ice cream cones in the wind with Catherine. Is a maker of nifty stuff, like mugs, Chaos' staff, and sculptures from scrap. Started calling Jennifer "Stinking Hellebore" because she couldn't remember her name. (She did offer her a choice between that and "Skunk Cabbage"! -b) Was a fishpond consultant for Scott. She and Scott danced English as one person. They got Kyla waltzing. When a bunch of folk went with Melissa to the beach fall of sophomore year, Anna was the only one smart enough to wear sunscreen and not get burned. Always goes to bed early. Has lots of knowledge about art history. Thought of as the inspiration for the Anna Rounds. Is on a campaign to teach people birds and plants. Helped Scott prank Jordan Haye's computer. Was in the group of people that Chaos knew frosh year. Finally learned Heather's name in April, because it was the name of a plant. (For this purpose, the plant had to actually be present. -a) Helped write SWILnews when all the presidents were absent, as one of the three German sort-of-counterparts to Liberte, Egalite, and Fraternite. She and Scott looked like siblings. (da-dum da-dum da-dum da-dum... -b) "Napkin shark!" Spent the summer after sophomore year with Kira, and there were incidents involving a knife-eating food disposal unit, a broken coffee pot, a tree, half of which fell down and was discovered while mowing the lawn, watching lots of British TV and it constantly being 110 degrees. (Kelvin? Fahrenheit? Scale please, people! -a) Arrived with a Tennessee accent and a refusal to wear shoes. She and Kira "helped" Heather buy food and she told Kira to listen to the boxes of tea to tell what animal sculpture was inside. Scott Gilbert walked by while Kira was listening, and recommended the sea turtle. The Felicitous Tale of the Tenth Nonmember: Heather Weidner Has been, not just edited, BEM. Writes poetry. Is the SWIL quote board. Does the world's best Rosaria Munson impression. Her middle name is Rose, so she wants to publish under the name "H. R. Weidner". Planned to write her thesis in one night, but it turned out to be two. She never sleeps. Didn't let Chaos leave Willets at 4am freshman year, and then was still typing when Chaos woke up at 7. "The wheel's still spinning, but the hamster's dead." Heather + Otavia + Kira + Anna + Chaos = Das Froshen. Has voluptuous hair. Wrote lots of letter with Kira summer after freshman year. Always packing Heather up at the end of the year, with her still writing papers. The "ML Walk" with Hollis--wandering around late at night and leaving messages on people's doors. Involved in lots of theater (technical, reasearch, and costume). Her house in California is very neat; Chaos was afraid to use the sink because she might get water in it. Took lots of amusing notes about the profs in her classes. Once, Peggy (the cockatiel) wanted the piece of pizza she was about to eat, and landed in the middle of it. Is in Hollis' "harem". Makes good pizelles. She and Jennifer were going to take the MetroLiner from Belgium (aagh! -q) to France, but it was broken, so they had to walk. Previously lived in the Quint. The Felicitous Tale of the Eleventh Nonmember: Amy Swift We needed an entire Committee to Replace her (with a small piece of plastic, about this big... -b). Put up big sheets of paper on the wall in her and Hannah's room for people to doodle on. Draws great Celtic knots. "Can I borrow your handcuffs?" Has been a wonderful Black Queen, although her roving eye led Abby, a Black Bishop, to exclaim, "But, your Majesty, separation of church and state!" Refused to get a Condor account for two years. Is not Hannah. Helped with the Ball booklets. Was a major force in the drive to edit and add to the Pumpkin Carols. Always leaves campus late, with Chaos, at the end of semesters. The Jumping Cow coffee shop. Likes Siedler. Bounces. Is the reason we all say "nifty". Prime's homonomina. Slept through a recent concert, and was woken by Chaos in her dream telling her, "Amy, music." Put up with Boticelli parties. Founded Third Wing--"You could meet a real libertarian!", which is a source of SWILlies. She and Chaos pranked Prime and Rebecca's room, and were repranked. She and Chaos and Jim and Kim Gallup went on a "guilt trip" and brought... (anxiety, etc.). Had a cute bug. Likes the FROGGY round. Is a biochem major. Has a tie-dyed SWIL shirt and colored tights. Interviewed herself for her first SWAPAzine. "Only evil, fascist flakes / Get their kicks from killing snakes!" Spent much time talking with Kyra. Crashed the Darwin Birthday Party with many others as representatives of the Kansas school board. Conducted an exit poll at the drinking party. Was the person who started writing the SWIL purity test down, on napkins (yay! -q). She and Chaos organized the FIRST ANNUAL SWIL root beer KEG PARTY. In Fringeworthy, told Larry, "My character is now basically pretending that your character is a tree." "I could do with a lamb chop right about now" when Lindsay was singing the Lambchop theme song. Has great Ball dresses. Hates having her picture taken. Has 70's clothing. Added modern-style dancing to folk dancing, with a Scottish headbang, among other moves. Learned how to waltz with Chaos. Has been miniprop for years, and won the Battle of the Miniprops for reclaiming the presidency from the Atlanta Contingent. Her first conversation with Sarah was sparked by Jere7my Tho?rpe and porn; she and Hannah lived in the room he put in a porn story. "Nerds decending a staircase!" "Folk music just can't be played by a man wearing a tuxedo." Talking to DanB and also Hannah over winter break from Scott's room ("Schneider's room."). Caused Scott Price to think he had multiple personality disorder because of Scott confusion. Confused people as to how she met Scott. Troll in the Dactyl Hunt. Won't tell the purple joke. Dismembered through Trial by Combat when she beat Joe at Hangman. The Felicitous Tale of the Twelfth Nonmember: Kira Goetschius Had a watch stuck at 6:03, which led to the SWILmeeting that started at 6:0 and ended, .1415926535897932ow minutes earlier, at 6:03, when the decision equating pi and three was revoked. Something died in her room and smells bad. Holds Buffy nights. Looks so much like a Gelfling from "The Dark Crystal" that Joe didn't believe her name was Kira (...every time we show that movie, it seems another one is going to show up... -q). "Kira the Sick and Twisted Individual" because she equated round ravioli with contraceptive devices. Has a mango (orange! -x) (mango! -y) (orange! -z) (mango! -b) raincoat. Hijacked people with Lindsay, yelling "Arrr!" (esss! -a). Spoon wars with Joe. Dangerous Scottish dance person. Was Goll in the Presidency of Unpronouncable Names, which ran on an actual wooden platform. DanB made up a Kira cheer. Her second middle name and last name mean "large house" and "great house". Megan always needen Kira's knee for leaning on while watching movies. Ran the Pterodactyl Hunt and was the Oracle. Anna tricked her into smelling Trillium flowers, thereby identifying them as the "rotting-flesh variety". Had a Gelfling-themed surprise birthday party thrown for her freshman year, with a container filled with life essence/POG. Always skated D line with Anna and Chaos freshman year. Invited Catherine and Kyla in when she saw them peeking through her window in the Quint. Has a great stuffed turtle. She and Anna are mighty orienteers. Has an infamous twisted-frog screen saver. The Tragic (Long) Tale of the Thirteenth Nonmember: Chaos Golubitsky Sarah first met her at SWILoween, when Chaos borrowed her whip to crack it for an hour. Eggplant Cannibal Avenger of SWIL! Always has candy on the shuttle. Chaos "God of the Night" Golubitsky. Catherine abused library priveleges to find her real name. Bob Paley's dog is also named Chaos, leading to confusion when he calls it in her vicinity. Fall of senior year of high school she like both Swat and Brown, found the SWIL webpage, and decided immediately to apply Early Decision. That spring she had a correspondence with Fred and thought all SWILfolk were sports freaks because he was in "College Bowl". Not observant -- discovered after spring break freshman year that her room in Wharton had a balcony. Trumped Scott's bunny impression by bouncing everywhere at the first snowfall of freshman year. Organized a million things, like the keg party, but has never been a Wizard. Wrote the Panic Book. Refers to your current loyal and fearless co-presidents as "Wait 'till they see what's in store for them" in her address book entry. Delegates well. Instigator of the drinking party Sarah slept through (see above.) Asked people "Wanna go to George?" after writing the Purity Test. Shy after hooking up with Arcadia -- Chaos: "I didn't get any sleep last night" Sarah: "That's horrible!" and Chaos was embarrassed for ages. Chaos' roommate picked Kyla up when she Specced and Chaos was therefore the first SWILlie that Kyla met. Has an Eeyore's tail on her door. Frosh year she drove the van over a tree branch during a shuttle shift. One time a piece of the shuttle fell off while she was driving it. Was driving the shuttle when it reached 99,000 miles. Drove shuttle all 8 semesters. (It _is_ possible to have _more_ than 8 semesters... -a) Had a roadtrip with Amy from Houston to Philly, and on the last day, whenever Amy drove it rained, and whenever Chaos drove it didn't. Got pulled over in Mississippi by a cop who thought they were drug runners. Eats weird food. Has a walrus collection. Owns a papazan chair. Had a conversation with the other shuttle for two passengers who were planning on attending a party that ended with "10-4" as if it were a normal occurance. Did the Road Rally in March with BDan. Kyra first joined the dinner table because of Chaos, causing the whole table to groan when they heard Kyra's name. Sat together with Kira in the amphitheater during Orientation freshman year -- "My god, I must be nuts. Since I've gone to college I seem to think everyone on campus is cute!" First to notice that the frosh are a reincarnation of old SWILlies. Stuffed people's mailboxes with purple 1s. A great fractal-type artist. Kept Sarah sane. Fall of sophomore year, rode with Catherine on her first shuttle shift and told her and Kyla all the SWIL lore, and who was dating whom, etc. Owner of the Bad-Ass Minivan of Doom. Hasn't been on the roofs of many, many Swarthmore buildings. (Really. -b) Mini-prop frosh year. Freshman year, was stuck in Hallowell/Wharton with Kira. They Broadcasted each other a lot and one time Kira sent a Morse Code message and two minutes later heard a thok stick on her door. The first time she Broadcasted Sarah, Sarah couldn't identify her. Ate part of a brownie by mistake during Passover sophomore year. Lit Hanukah candles with Abby this year. Was patient with Hollis when he kept e-mailing her about the Dactyl Hunt, instead of a Wizard. Taught Amy LaTeX. Thugtron in Massacre. Has a corderoy suit. Has ticklish knees, and when Catherine wants to comfort her and touches them, she makes an awful noise. Chasing DanB around Sharples with her thok stick. Hit Abby's head with the thok stick repeatedly when Abby kept responding, "Thank-you, Sir, may I have another?" "It's okay. We'll get you a new one and it'll be purple." "It'll suck, and then it'll be over." "All holidays should be named Fourth of July to reduce confusion." When there's a silence in a conversation, that signifies that everyone's thinking about Abraham Lincoln -- "Nice beard and big hat." "So, about those trees we've been having..." Poking Kyla at 1:30 spring sophomore year because of snow. Traying in spring of junior year with Amy and Arcadia. In one of Fred's campaigns she was a gnomic mage with headache-causing glasses. Has penny-chain mail. Sophomore year, nailed all her weapons, including a wet noodle, to the wall for display. Was the orginator of the rabble being called pathetic. Co-pranker and driving force of pranking Prime and Rebecca's room. Was in class where she and Amy discovered that Spam-mocking is classist and elitist. Always ran out of the room before Buffy spoilers came on. Made her own Outpost set. Began the tradition of getting SWILnews out on time. (Even 70K long remembrances! -q) (Maybe we'll be done by dinnertime... -a) Loading the Bad-Ass Minivan of Doom with five people, two computers, and a scanner. Driving people to Robert's storage. Drove the Commando Shuttle Run -- Someone wanted to catch a bus at Bond, missed it, and Chaos chased after the bus. For her sentience proof she recited Jabberwocky, and everyone acted it out, so she was prooved sentient by making them do all her dirty work for her. "If you don't mind, Chaos, we have two and a half pages of notes on you." ,,,,,,America's Most Wanted - 4/29/00,,,,,, Pthomas Pterodactyl, alias Vinnie Scartail Arcadia "'Woe is me, I am becoming a morning person.' --Emperor Vespasian, more or less" Falcone, having at long last recovered her soul from College Bowl (It's not true, is it? -a) Catherine "Should I wear the handcuffs or the chains?" Osborne Rebecca "I love the Third Homomorphism Theorem" Paul =) (Nygaah.... -q) BDan "Food-buyer extraordinaire" Fairchild (Yeah, food-buyer and leaver of six heavy bags in Abi-Wan's room extraordinaire! -a) Sarah "Obstinately refusing to sit in the designated area" Bergstrom Rebecca "lets blowup more than Spam" Jones Kyla "vinyl pants and Diana Wynne Jones--I think about the weirdest things" Tornheim (What's weird about Diana Wynne Jones? -b) Jeremy "Avocado Bandit of the Northern Wastes" Dilatush Lindsay "My head smells funny" Herron (Yeah, and your feet run. -a) Anna "I'm here!" Hess Amy "tights!" Swift Hannah "preparing for a life of truculant arogance" Schneider Otavia "gonna go get me a nice cardboard box after graduation" Propper Heather "making a hell of heaven and a heaven of hell" Weidner (Oooh! Foreshadowing! -q) (Erm... or Postshadowing. -a) Kira "Thank Godforthe little illiterate girl" Goetschius ~Elliot "I don't remember anything." Reed benjamin 'they're iso-fucking-morphic!' r, george & Callicles 'well, _I_ wasn't singing!' the moose & Margaret 'should I know who these people are?' the camera Being Jim Moskowitz (Moskowitz? -b) (Moskowitz moskowitz. -a) (Moskowitz! -q) Dan "This is how the semester ends--BANG!" Kara "Lots of work ahead today..." Zor-El Kyra "Yes, you can celebrate _anything_ you want!" Jucovy Hollis "Good Moorrrnnning Viet-SWIL!" Easter Alecia "under the table" Magnifico (Balecia! -aq) Jennifer "Go gcreime na grainneoga cealgrunacha do chuid faeadaigh" Tyson (Yes. -a) Robert "cheese grits ... I miss the Atlanta contingent" McFarland Salt and pepper shakers Scott <"Made in China" sticker> Price (Does this mean all the Chinese are Sentient? -a) Jimmy "Because I'm inwizzible." Kong ,,,,,,Abi-Wan Kenobi, Ben Kenobi, and Queen Amydala,,,,,,