Date: Wed, 22 Sep 1999 17:10:35 -0400 (EDT) From: Chaos Golubitsky To: _swat.org.swil @ swarthmore.edu Subject: A Two-Minute SWILNews #2 Everyone loves two-minute mysteries. And, coincidentally, Cloak and Dagger have approximately two minutes free to write this SWILNews. So, here goes. (Answers to numbered items in next week's SWILNews. If you need answers to lettered items, ask Lindsay. (or alice -d) If you need answers to items marked with weird punctuation symbols, we really can't help you.) 1) The klaxon sounds, and they all fall down. Important stuff for next week: (For those who don't remember from last year, this section was introduced to be a short summary of things that people should remember for next week's SWIL meeting. Reading this section should not be considered an appropriate substitute for reading the rest of the SWILNews. We don't write gorgeous flowery prose for our health.) a) SWIL Meeting will not be in Sharples room 4. It will be in ML, either in the lounge or the breakfast room. We will be ordering pizza in lieu of lunch. If you want hot food from the breakfast room, please come early so we don't swamp the workers. b) If you haven't signed up for the Pterodactyl Hunt, you should e-mail Dagger (kyla @ sccs.) We especially need two people who look moderately alike to be vampire/shadow. c) SWIL Dance Party is Friday at 10pm in Paces. If you have 80s music to lend, e-mail Amy or Cloak (aswift @ sccs or chaos @ cs). Please come early or stay late to help with decorations/cleaning. SWILBusiness: 2) Someone dies, and an event is held. 3) SWILfolk are in Tarble at 2am. What happened? 4) Everyone is giving Kira money for services rendered. Submit to BEM! SWIL has a newsgroup at _swat.org.swil. If you post to it, you will make Cloak very happy. We had a dismemberment. This is not a two-minute mystery, since we're going to tell you all about it right now. We're cool like that. Arcadia Falcone proved her sentience as follows: -According to the principles of nominalism, all universals exist by name, and knowing the names implies understanding of those universals. -"Understanding" is one of the definitions of "sentience". -Everything in the universe is composed of elements. -Most of the elements in existance are those that were known in 1959. Arcadia recited those elements in musical fashion. Sarah wondered if it was necessary to prove the sentience of the author (i.e. the periodic table, whose author is God, or "The Element Song", whose author is Tom Lehrer). It was assumed that both God and Tom Lehrer are sentient. (but i wanted to channel god. -d) Arcadia was voted sentient and promptly dismembered. Non-SWILBusiness: 5) It's a name! It's a play! It's... (wait. we know somebody named Oedipus? -d) Wink happened. It was fun. We must play again sometime. (blood. must have blood. -c) Opera club is not strictly sci-fi, but one opera has nudity and decapitation. 6) Romeo and Juliet are dead on the floor in a pool of water. What happened? 7) Do you want to buy a duck? the attendance list of too much factoring - 11/9/99: b.r. george "I forgot to put in a quote." Kyra L. Jucovy "So some "kind" soul will" SARAH DRESCHER "put in quotes" Elliot Reed "for me." Anna "I'm allergic to Carbon. I'm a Silicon-based life form." Hess Jennifer "Anna's nose" Tyson Franzeska "Look! It's curdling!" Dickson Lindsay "spaz" Herron Jay "smarter than your average bearnaise sauce" Scott Liane "Where's room four?" Rice Branen "IcHk! My intestine!" Salmon Rebecca "Not able to be written as the product of primes" Paul Jonah "This is not a quote" Volk Amy' "There are infinitely many of me!" Marinello Dan "I should have brought my sword." Fairchild Andrew "I have to prove my sentience to myself before I can to SWIL." Szafran Will "pork pies and scones" Quale Amy "bleen. tetazoo? firt." Swift Rebecca "doubles on occcasion" Jones Jim "There's a hole in my event horizon, Dear Liza, Dear Liza" Moskowitz Arcadia "I've been cast!" Falcone Robert "If I was happy before, I'm freaking electrostatic now" McFarland Sonia "okay, so I had this existential dilemma. It was like froot loops or frosted flakes? fruity pebbles or cheerios?" Mariano Sarah "the last to get the joke" Bergstrom Heather "women's underwear, the waltz, Determinism" Weidner Kira "And I'll spell _my_ name..." Goetschius Sarah "I wonder if I can still telekinetically knock cups off of people's trays?" McNary Joel "Chumble spuzz" McNary Fred "Time to watch the serious medical deformities" Bush Phil "Full Trailer Hookups" Stepleton Jimmy "It's never too late for ice cream" Kong Amy "2" Swift Hannah "form of... a fork!" Schneider -Cloak and Dagger