From chaos at cs.swarthmore.edu Sat Jul 17 20:05:03 1999
Date: Tue, 6 Oct 1998 17:01:24 -0400 (EDT)
From: Chaos Golubitsky <chaos at cs.swarthmore.edu>
To: _swat.org.swil at cc
Subject: And they all lived happily before SWILNews #5

once upon a time, there was a peasant who lived out in the middle of the
forest.  the peasant had three daughters, who were the fairest maidens in
the land, but the youngest daughter was fairer by far than her two sisters.
then they all died of the plague.

but, do not despair.  far away, there was another kingdom, untouched by the
black death, or economies of scale, or the spanish inquisition, or any other
such matters.  needless to say, this kingdom didn't really exist.  but that
makes it just that much better as a setting for


swilbusiness

for many long weeks, the denizens of sharples room 4 had awaited the return
of the herald moskowitz, who would bring tidings of a great gathering.
moskowitz had travelled long weeks, spreading his news over the
countryside.  finally, this week, he made his appearance.  he proclaimed a
reunion, to celebrate the twentieth anniversary of the kingdom, to be held
6 - 8 november.  festivities will take place in sharples iii friday night
and will reconvene in bond hall saturday and sunday.  about 20 alumni have
officially responded that they will attend the reunion.  free lodgings
(anachronistically referred to as "crash space") will be available at ashton
and cratsley houses for the first askers (with preference for people with
children), or on student floors.  a large number of students volunteered to
host alums, so there should be plenty of space.  students who have available
space should contact the herald to let him know.  for more information,
e-mail reunion at swil.org.

<the usual cliched spiel about swil nonmembers defending the loyal
pterodactyls from the hunters who slay them against the king's orders can be
inserted here.  it has appeared in many, many swilnewses, and you can
probably all reconstruct it from memory by now.> the pterodactyl hunt will
take place 23 october (the first friday after break).  monster signups
happened at meeting.  if you weren't there and want to sign up, contact
kira, heather, or ben.  we still need a vampire/shadow pair, so if anyone is
interested, let us know.  we're looking for orcs and hobgoblins, as usual,
so if you know anyone who wants to help the forces of darkness, spread the
word.  there will be a mandatory sword rolling the first monday after break,
from 1pm till it ends.  if you don't show up, we'll have to let the hunters
bring their own swords this year, and that'll be no fun for anyone.
(seriously, we have to replace *all* of the swords this year because it
rained during last year's hunt, so we need lots of help.)

submit to bem.

the kingdom of swil, like all such kingdoms, needs a way to proclaim its
wonders and spread its doctrine among the nations of the world.  since the
kings do not have access to national television or psychadelic drugs, we
have to make do with the internet.  unfortunately, there was no longer
anyone on campus to maintain the ancient swil web page, and the residents
were sad.  but all was not lost.  there came one day new residents
(hereafter referred to as frosh) into the kingdom.  these "frosh" were eager
and happy to volunteer to fulfill the tasks that were needed to keep the
kingdom running properly.  (anyone want to be treasurer? --h)  one of these
frosh was a young squire named phil stepleton, who kindly volunteered to be
our new webmeister.  and there was much rejoicing.

<at this point, the loyal valkyries realised that they had many midterms and
papers to write, and that they wanted to get to dinner at a reasonable hour,
and abandoned the kingdom theme altogether in favour of getting swilnews
written somewhat expediently.  and they all lived happily ever after.  the
end.>  (except for the maidens, who were dead --g)  (you can't prove
anything.  it was in another country, and anyway... -h)

doublestar (the bryn mawr science fiction/fantasy group) will have its
masquerade ball 16 october.  if you're interested in going, let us know, and
we will pass on more information when it becomes available.

the next deadline for philcon registration is 24 october.  if you want to be
registered by then, give kira $35 by the first thursday after break.

the swil movie was "they live", starring rowdy roddy piper.  several of us
missed it and would like to see it before break, so that will tentatively
happen thursday night.  contact chaos or kira if you're interested.

megan is taping "black eagle".  (this was mentioned during swilbusiness.
blame megan and fred.)

swiloween is on halloween from 9pm - 11am in sharples iii.  lindsay will be
collecting approximately $3 from everyone who is planning to come and not
cooking so that she can buy food without going into massive debt, which is
always a good thing.  the sock will be passed at the meeting after the
pterodactyl hunt.

there were two dismemberments.  amy (the one who isn't the one who isn't
hannah --h) argued that sentience is awareness of the self.  she said that
she must exist if more than one person is aware of her, and she is five
people and is aware of herself, so she must exist.  she also has at least
seven parents who are all aware of her, and seven is more than one.  she
then proceeded to name the five people she was.  her corporal forms are amy,
who contains cheryl and deana, and elissa, who contains ava.  there was a
violent objection to the last name from megan, so the alias "ann" was
adopted.  lindsay summed up the general reaction well, saying "anything that
can confuse me must be sentient", so we dismembered amy.

phil proved his sentience on the grounds that, though he is only one person,
he has eight separate accounts on unix machines and four root passwords.
the machines in question are: kestrel, cs, gene klotz's computer, two
friends' computers, his own computer, plus melvin, orson, and chester, who
are also his computers.  (melvin and orson are in the same box.)  we like
phil.  we then voted melvin and orson sentient, on the grounds that there
are two of them.  (see previous paragraph.)


non-swilbusiness:

chaos will be throwing her third annual eggplant party in ml breakfast room
on sunday, 18 october at 8pm.  if you want to come, e-mail chaos so she has
a vague idea of how much eggplant to make.  if you want to bring an eggplant
dish, e-mail chaos just to let her know.

megan is organizing car space and hotel room space for people going to joel
and sarah's wedding.  if you want to be in on the plans, contact her at
mhallam1 at sccs.

lindsay is having movie nights thursday and saturday of break.  if you're
going to be around and want more information, contact her.  (lnherron at sccs)

this friday night, there will be a story reading at jim's apartment
(greylock 301).  keep an eye on the fun list for exact times and so on.

there will not be a babylon 5 showing over break.

megan will be showing this week's new episode of buffy the vampire slayer in
real time at 8, and again at 10, in parrish n277.  the episode is called
"dead man's party".

jess is looking for people who are interested in participating in college
bowl trash tournaments.  if you're interested, contact her (jharbour at sccs).

romeo and juliet is going up 5 and 6 november.  catherine is directing, and
lots of other people we know are involved, so you should come.

lindsay is planning a trip to go see the rockettes christmas show in new
york, on 15, 16, 17, or 18 december.  she wants people to come with her.
contact her if you're interested.


The "Nothing Beats Violent Quakers" List - 3/10:
Heather "love and bottlecaps" Weidner
Phil "Harthacnut" Stepleton
Ben "Stained-glass froot loops" Newman
Amy "Who are you to say what's too easy?  I mean, this is a free country,
	even if the club isn't.  One person's easy is another person's
	spectacular.  So there" Marinello
Sonia "who woke up 45 minutes last this morning, missed the cross country
	bus, and therefore, by accident, is here" Mariano (aha!  the fates
	are working for us, you see. --h)
Dave "Pick up sleeping" Phillips
Sarah "yeah, but violent quakers beat me" Bergstrom
Fred, "blooming, blooming, not purple!" Bush
Otavia "book of Joshua" Propper
Alecia "...and then she disappeared" Magnifico
Alice "Hey, baby!!" Unger
Megan "How do I get myself involved in these things" Hallam
Jimmy "...and then I swore never again to put my name on a sheet of
	paper... oh damn!" Kong
Kunwoo (Peter) Ma "Yakumo the Vagrant"
Jim "How large a group of people do you need to be in for there to be a 50%
	chance that someone else shares your birthday?" Moskowitz
Kyla "actually, it's not _your_ birthday, it's 17 people so that two of them
	will have the same birthday.  But no one ever has my birthday except
	me - Jim, why do you ask this kind of question?" Tornheim (the
	presidency declines to comment on this important matter. --h)
Robert "The formidable wall of oatmeal" McFarland (okay, how many people
	besides me don't want to know? --h) (well, here's another one.  --g)
	((in absentia) me neither. --s)
Anna "It's Fall!" Hess
Jennifer "It's all for me grog" Tyson
Jessica "Anna falls in Jennifer's grog" Harbour
Lindsay "Want grog NOW!" Herron (now i _really_ don't want to know. --g)

-hlokk, goll, and skogul