From fred @ condor.sccs.swarthmore.edu Wed May 5 11:01:40 1999 Date: Tue, 1 Oct 1996 14:01:47 -0400 (EDT) From: Frederic Bush To: _swat.org.swil @ swarthmore.edu Subject: Sing a Song of SWILnews#3 Opening number (to the tune of "The Flintstones") All: SWILnews, here's the SWILnews It's a jumble of insanity. From a room in Willets It's a 13K monstrosity. Numbers (to the tune of "Memory") Liberte: Numbers, all alone in a notebook There are too many numbers. What the hell do they mean? Fibonacci, Mersenne primes and Euler ones, too. All these numbers. What shall I do? I am a current model of a scientific calculator (to the tune of "I am the very model of a modern major general") Tina the TI: I am a current model of a scientific calculator I add, divide, and multiply and many other operators I integrate from morn to late, for matrices there's no one greater Alas for me, my last usee had one too many Now & Later. All I ask of you (sung to "All I ask of you") Liberte: No more shall I languish If you'll only be mine. Your graphs, buttons, and programs Can help me more than notes can. So, say you'll help me with my theory homework Say the answer and I will trust you Share each proof with me, each map, each function Anything you say, I'll swear is true Help me, that's all I ask of you The Minivan song (sung to "The Lumberjack Song") Minivan: Oh, I'm a minivan, and I'm OK I drive all night, and I'm parked all day. People in minivan: He's a minivan, and he's OK. He drives all night, and he's parked all day. Minivan: I drive around, all over town. I zip right through red lights. I take the Swarthmore students and show them all the sights. People in minivan: He drives around, all over town. He zips right THROUGH RED LIGHTS?!?!?!?! I'm gonna wash that math right out of my hair (sung to "I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair") Liberte: I'm gonna wash that math right out of my hair I'm gonna wash that math right out of my hair I'm gonna wash that math right out of my hair And bid Dupont "Good day." I'm gonna throw those books right out of my room I'm gonna throw those books right out of my room I'm gonna throw those books right out of my room And head off to Bombay. Calculator (sung to "Oklahoma") Liberte: Caaaaaaaaalc - ulator, I'm so glad you've come back home to me With you in my arms, with all your charms, I can now do problem 23. Caaaaaaaaalc - ulator, please swear you will never ever go For if you do stay, I will someday be making lots and lots of dough Tina the TI:I will help when you don't understand And I'll fit in the palm of your hand Both: And when we saaaaaaaay - wow! This set is due todaaaaaay - yow! We're only saying, time to use my calculator, Calculator, and pray. Closing number (sung to "Fame") All: Math! It's going to be here forever Cosets and numbers with i Pi! You've got to be really clever To prove theorems others won't try. We now present songs and scenes that, due to time constraints, did not make it into this musical: SWILbusiness: Consider yourself (sung to "Consider yourself") Egalite: Consider yourself a Brit Consider yourself one of the royal court It's Sunday, October 6th. It's clear these knights are not using sticks You've contacted Will or Andrea For Love and Romance weekend Use Alastair for your model for mode of speech For RenFaire's a great time to spend to the tune of Goblin land from the Hobbit... Down, down to SWILcon land.... you go, my fan, we go, my fan. Kill the 'Dactyl (sung to "Kill the Wabbit") Fraternite: Kill the 'Dactyl! Kill the 'Dactyl! Kill the 'Dactyl! Kill the 'Dactyl! Yo ho to ho! Yo ho to ho! Yo ho to ho! Yo ho --- Oh, mighty dinos beware my great spear October 2-5 your death will be near. And if a rain storm should stand in my way I shall kill you on the very next day. Oh, Miss Binde, Sir McNary Make the monsters very scary Let the Hunt go on and on!!! Random advertisement in the playbill: Next Monday, The Hobbit. Location to be announced. (Probably somewhere in Kohlberg) (Psychics say it will be room 115. Also there will, for some reason, be commercial breaks.) I dreamed a Con (sung to "I dreamed a dream") jere7my: I dreamed a Con in time gone by When guests were cool and games worth playing The price to go wasn't that high * Into one room went all who were staying <* $35 before Oct. 15, $40 after.> Contact jere7my if you are interested in PhilCon (GOH: Frederik Pohl) and haven't already expressed your interest. If I had a domain (sung to "If I were a rich man") Josh: If I had a domain Yi-dil-di-dil-di-dil-dee-dil-di-dil-yi-dil-di-dil-dum All SWIL's stuff right there for everyone, If I had a new domain! We could set up a new web page! Yi-dil-di-dil-di-dil-dee-dil-di-dil-yi-dil-di-dil-dum All this stuff and more for us to do, If we had our very own domain. alternate song (Scarecrow's lament) If I only had domain... doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo Will Untereker - sentience, a proof: 1) Fred is sentient 2) I live on the same hall as Fred 3) Our room numbers share a factor of 2 4) 2 is a representative of sentience alternate 4) 2 heads are better than 1 4.5) The head is where one keeps ones sentience Therefore, I am sentient. (of course, the gratutious flattery and namedropping was enough to make him sentient in my book! -E) Ariadne Rider - This young off-spring of a dinosaur was far too busy eating her eggs to prove her sentience. However, we dismembered her upon hearing that she literally could put her foot in her mouth. It takes most of us years of practice. Chaos Golubitsky - sentience, a dramatic reading Chaos attempted to prove her sentience by acting out The Jabberwocky. However, she actually proved her sentience by getting us to do all the work for her by casting and setting up the thing. Many congratulations to the woman with the puffy sword. (I was an excellent Tum-tum tree! -L) Also, will whoever went galumphing back with Egalite's head please return it. Thank you. And now, notes from the directors, aka Non-SWILbusiness: Babylon 5 showings will be on Mondays this year starting at 8:30. More will be said once new episodes begin being shown. Interest has been also expressed for a B5-athon. Read _swat.org.swil for more details. A date has not yet been set, but soon. Soon. jere7my has brought us word of Avara, a new 3-D network game. If you want to play, his name is turtle, and the password is swil. The Tick is showing new episodes, and it is also now being shown on Comedy Central. Dwee-ow! Monday night (oops, we're a little too late) at the Core States Center in Philly, the Amazing Inventions tour will be making a stop. Everything begins (began) at 7:30. Discussion of Amazing Inventions will be on WSRN at 12:00 PM on Sunday nights. Listen in. It was noted that the movie for that night was "Sneakers." We approved heartily. (We're the United States government. We don't *do* that sort of thing! -F) (Wait. You can have anything in the world and you want OUR SWILnews? Well, here it is! -E) It was announced that there is an insectorium in Philly as well as a museum of deformities. Anyone interesteed in going should contact Egalite, and Jere7my, because they're both twisted and demented people who like seeing that sort of thing. Frisbee golf is happening again this year. Contact Joel or Liberte if you're interested. Construction only adds to the fun! Remember, orange fences make good neighbors. Except when they ask to borrow the sugar. The new edition of SWAPA has arrived and was, in fact, put together before our very eyes at the meeting. If you have a SWAPA coming to you, contact Kendra. She's sure to show you hers. Cast (9/21 performance): Random viking - Otavia "Mark Antony's wife missing a letter ^1" Propper Gelfling understudy - Kira "I hate breakfast food" Goetschius Spitting dinosaur - Dave "Not just for breakfast any more" Szent-Gyorgyi '83 Screeching dinosaur - Jonathan "Where am I?" Rapkin '83H & '88H Dinosaur hanging by his knees in the tree - Jim &How do you make quotation marks again?& Moskowitz Parrish Parlor - John "I made it in time, Steff." Finkbiner (Ahem, that's w/ a "ph" -F) (PH: 1. F is acidic. -L) RenFaire peasant - Alice "Is not truly present today" Unger The Jabberwocky - Joel "There are seven eights in 888888888888813" McNary Random body parts - Will "Pass this on" Untereker Tina the TI - Will "zyxwvutsr - zywvus + __ = xrt" Quale The beamish boy - Chaos "am i the only freshling here?" Golubitsky Cut for relevance reasons - jere7my "Turtle in Avara -- kill me now" tho?rpe Virgin sacrifice - Kendra "My heart is in my hand - ooo" Eshleman Minivan driver - Melissa "It's not the dying, it's the pain involved..." Running Dinosaur sinking in tar pit - (sum as k goes from 1 to n of k^3)^2 (you are evil!!! -F) (The SWIL non-member formerly known as Dave) Scariest Shirt - Greg "I can do this to you. I'll do it backwards" Ingber Soother of the savage beast - Sarah "floor hockey - humph!" Piatt Mama dino - Sylvia "a real mother" Rider Cute baby dino - Justin "the train" Rider The other cute baby dino - Ariadne "sentient" Rider Tarzan - Joseph "never fails" Rider Jane - Jeremy "One over eight zillion served" Dilatush 1. Dyrkacz, Stephanie, lunch table. (It's a footnote, silly! -F) --- Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite