From egolubi1 @ swarthmore.edu Wed May 5 11:01:22 1999 Date: Fri, 27 Sep 1996 14:05:17 -0400 (EDT) From: Chaos Golubitsky To: chaos @ condor.sccs.swarthmore.edu Subject: The truth about your trouser-stretchers is known, or SWILnews #2 >Date: Sun, 22 Sep 1996 20:39:54 -0400 (EDT) >Mime-Version: 1.0 >To: _swat.org.swil >From: Stephanie Dyrkacz >Subject: The truth about your trouser-stretchers is known, or SWILnews #2 > > Premise 1: Hicks does not exist. (I know. I've been there. -L) > Premise 2: A mathematical SWILnews would not be entertaining. > Conclusion 1: Seth's teddy bear would look better with a blue bow. > Premise 3: Mertz marsh has always been mud. > Conclusion 2: The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain. > Premise 4: At the sound of the tone, the time will be 5:08:23. > Conclusion 3: Crunchy cod is better than Keanu Reeves. > > ************************************ > We apologize for an error in your SWILnews. Due to poor planning, >we lied about one of our premises. (We leave it as an exercise to the >reader to determine which one.) Therefore, the rest of the proof is >invalid, despite the fact that the final conclusion is true. Please >pretend that the above section actually just says, "Hi mom!" > We now return you to the SWILnews already in progress. > ************************************ > ...so clearly, the elephant saying that is like a polar bear >calling the penguin purple. Thus, the elephant must die. > ************************************ > Sing, O Muse, of the time of long-suffering, of the days when the >three leaders, shining and god-like, co-presidents of those people most >beloved of the god Josh Burdick, discovered in great pain that time was >fleeting and free time non-existent. > Then, did the people, the most-feared SWILies, breakers of winged >dinosaurs, cry out to these heroes in winged-words, "Hear us, Liberte, >champion of Magic, Egalite the fair-haired, and Fraternite of the silver >voice. Our mailboxes are empty, and our hearts are sad. For too long we >have missed the rays of sun that the SWILnews, amusingly-written, does >bring into our stressful lives. For shame! Have you forgotten your >people, the SWILies, mutilators of Spam? In haste, dispatch another >SWILnews, no less than 8K, or we shall no longer honor you." > And the co-presidents heard their voices, nor did they ignore them. >But they hung their heads in sadness for they had been afflicted with >problem sets, shuttle shifts, impromptu psychology papers, Homer, >algorithms, dance classes, and chorus rehearsals, and could not honor the >request of their people, imbibers of POG. > But the Messiah, Josh Burdick, son of Mr. Burdick, and the other, >lesser dinosaur deities took pity on the leaders and sent Suggestion to >whisper in their ears. Then, did Egalite of the many white shirts say in >winged-words, "Come, we shall not disappoint the people, the brave >game-obsessed SWILies. We must divide the hard labors among us since we >cannot meet and together write the SWILnews, document of much information >and more silliness." > And Liberte, scourge of ML, and green-eyed Fraternite heard him, >nor did they disobey him, but Fraternite began the much-desired SWILnews, >working the vital information into it with her delicate, skilled hands. (No >comment. -L) Then, she did send it to Egalite who embellished it >with all manners of strange weirdness. (all manners of strange weirdness! >-E) And when Egalite had put aside his desire for absurdity, he sent the >SWILnews to Liberte who placed his strong hands upon it (No comment here >either. -F), finished it, and sent it back to Fraternite. Fraternite >chided Liberte for withholding their great masterpiece, and, without >further delay, sent it forth to the seething masses. > Then were the SWILies happy, and they sacrificed hecatombs of >dromedaries, elephants, and broccoli (Eww! Broccoli! -L) to the almighty >Messiah who looked upon them and smiled. > > (Who says I've been reading too much of the Iliad??? -F) > >SWILbusiness: > > The date for RenFaire has been set. No, wait, it hasn't. No, it >has. No, it hasn't.... At any rate, a trip to RenFaire for Love and >Romance Weekend will be occurring at some point during the first weekend of >October (5-6). Whether it will be Saturday or Sunday has yet to be >determined due to the number of people who insist on one or the other. If >you are interested in RenFaire but did not sign up with Andrea at the >meeting, contact her or Will at will @ sccs. > The date for the Pterodactyl Hunt has been set. ...... No, really! >This year's hunt will be on Friday, October 25th at 8:00. There will be an >alternate date set this year in case of monsoon. Since we'd really prefer >to keep the hunt on the original day, we ask those of you given to >summoning monsoons to please refrain on the week of the 25th. A light >drizzle is somewhat in order, but a monsoon will make us Most Displeased >(tm). A list for monster sign-up will be going around eventually. For >more info, contact Joel or Melissa (jmcnary1, mdb @ sccs). > Andrea and Will have expressed a desire to begin weekly meetings >for SWILCon, mainly so that they won't make our regular meetings too long >discussing details. (Too late. They're already too long. -F) SWILCon >meetings will most likely be held after SWIL in either Sharples or their >apartment, Greylock 101. The current charity is the Comic Book Legal >Defense Fund, but the possibility of a second charity, most likely a >literacy program, was discussed. We also need to figure out where to store >15,000 chipmunks until the con party. (Burp! 14,999. -L) > Since jere7my was not at the meeting, little was said about >PhilCon. Once again, it is November 22-24, and the price is $35 before >October 15. If you're interested, contact jere7my. Experience the SWIL >equivalent of the clown car, or, how many SWILies can fit into that room? > It was announced that UPenn was showing anime. All day. > (It happened that no one went.) > (Phooey. --E) > Finally, movies! Various movies were nominated, voted upon, and >accepted or rejected. The schedule of movies is as follows: > >Sept. 23 The Abyss >Sept. 30 The Hobbit >Oct. 7 Mad Max AND The Road Warrior >Oct. 21 Clash of the Titans >Oct. 28 Laputa: Castle in the Clouds >Nov. 4 WarGames >Nov. 11 City of Lost Children >Nov. 18 The Secret of NIMH >Nov. 25 The Phantom >Dec. 2 Willow >Dec. 9 Ghost in the Shell >Dec. 16 Highlander > > This list will be printed in the Phoenix (wow!), and our wondrous >Egalite will continue to write reviews of each movie. Also, keep your eyes >peeled for the great signs by our own Erik, recently voted Best MiniProp >Ever (or at least since we've been here) (Objection! -L) (Did someone >speak? -F). This week will be The Abyss, wherein deep sea divers beat up >on highly-trained naval commandoes and swim a lot in the dark. But it's a >good film. Really. > >Non-SWILbusiness: > > Botticelli is back, and it's better than ever! Earlier, too. >That's right, your favorite radio call-in game show is now on Sundays at >9:00. Match wits with Egalite and Larry and win fabulous prizes, at least >until they ship them all off to Goodwill. Circling the Square, Egalite and >Greg's talk show, will be at Sundays at 12:00 for those who enjoy staying >up late and listening to conspiracy theories. > Anyone interested in any anime showings should contact Larry >(ldm @ sccs). > Babylon 5 appears to have been moved to 2:00 am on Sundays which >would be a tragedy indeed. Last week's episode was aired at 4:00 am. This >week's will be at the regular time, but starting next week, it has moved to >2:00. New episodes begin October 5th, and we will keep you informed as to >showings. > The idea of a B5 marathon was discussed. Now, we have to decide if >we really are masochistic enough to sit and watch 60 hours of jms's >brain-child. > Joel expressed a desire to play kickball at some point. Anyone >interested should contact him at their own risk. > The long-dead gaming campaigns appear to have been revived since >several people expressed an interest in them. Larry is interested in >running a Star Wars campaign, and Andrea/Will would like to organize >another one-shot campaign. If you are interested or would like to DM >something (hint, hint, HINT!), contact one of them. > And, believe it or not, SWIL has acquired a copy of the Swarthmore >football team's play-book (although we had to give it back)! Do you know >what it means when the quarterback calls out "300 Dupont R 477"? We do! > > >Attendance (9/14): >Melissa "Pterodactyl's away!" Binde >Kira Goetschius >Heather Weidner >Otavia Propper "I'll think of a quote next time." >Lindsay "Lovely spam, wonderful spam!" Herron >Dila Cil "????????????????????????????????" >Shabnam "Veni Vedi Vici" Manseikhaeri >George "Bavarian" Balgobin >k >Andrea "Must teach new folks all about SWIL!" Hall >Will "Scottish class could be made quite interesting by the addition of >random throw rugs" Quale >Jeremy "If we are not eaten by something bigger..." Dilatush >Sarah "Latina est gaudium! Really!" Piatt >Joel "Pterodactyls... and beyond!" McNary >Alice "I hurt" Unger >Megan "My father's coming, so I'm going to get him to buy me stuff" Hallam >Will "My leg, my poor leg" Untereder >Katrina "sir dimitri" Mergen >Chaos "I have randomly been transformed into an 18 inch piece of pipe foam" >Golubitsky >Larry "The Next Peter Wong - NOT!" Miller >Megan "Judge Dredd was NOT good" Powell > > --- Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite >