Date: Sat, 30 Sep 1995 12:19:53 -0400 Subject: In a shaker full of cracked ice, combine Campari and SWILnews#3. For those of you who were wondering, the title of the last SWILnews was censored by the sysadmins for its graphic and highly perverse content. In light of this distressing development we have resorted to heading this week's SWILnews with the highly suggestive and tittilating euphemism above. The more astute of you all will have noticed that this is not, in fact, this week's SWILnews, but an amazing facsimile of what would have been last week's SWILnews. We assure you that this is all part of our brilliant plan to throw those wily sysadmins off the scent. Soon they will lose all grasp of temporal logic and then we will confront them with the Other. In the person of Josh Burdick. Yeah. --What was that? SWILbusiness? We don't need no stinking SWILbusiness! Okay, fine, but you'll wish you hadn't asked, ye plaintive wretches... SWILbusiness-- It has been brought to our attention that the combination for the SWIL locker in Tarble was incorrectly given in the last SWILnews. [go passive voice! -J] This was our intention. The logic went something like this: 1. all SWIL non-members are non-members of SWIL. 2. All non-members of SWIL are entitled to full benefits of non-member status. 3. Non-member status includes access to all SWIL activities and assets. 4. No one can get into George. 5. Thus, no one has access to all SWIL activities and assets. 6 Hence, no one is a non-member of SWIL. 7. We cannot give the combination to anyone who is in fact anyone, and since we don't have a separate mailing list for SWIL non-members who are in fact no one, we simply didn't send it out at all. If no one would like to get the combination, they can come to us co-presidents who are in fact no one and we'll give it to them. In the meantime, try 3-21-15 but only if you don't exist. [For proof that neither co-president is anyone see Heider, Dan. -TGP] We began our meeting with another totally meaningless nearly unanimous SWIL vote, this time in order to elect a new Minister of Propaganda to replace the demurring Snibor Eoj. The Right Honorable Joel McNary graciously stepped into the job and has since done an absolutely fabulous job reviving the SWIL board in Parrish and publicizing the last two movies. Outsiders beware, our campaign to inform and terrify the seething masses has resumed... The Pennsylvania Rennaisance Raire Trip will take place on October 7th, that's next Saturday, y'all. We currently have about 5 cars which can go and about 20-25 people interested. A signup sheet has been passed around, if you want to go and weren't able to sign up, contact us ASAP. More on the George C. Hurliman Memorial Library Memorial Library: it seems that Fred is talking to Tedddddd Goundie about getting a key. Greatttttt. The infamous yet revered Kendra Eshleman has threatened to overhaul the Cordwainer Bird Science Fiction Library and completely organize it unless we're all really nice to her. Unfortunately, just as she applied the period to the previous statement, another moist towlette fight broke out in the room, so now we're doomed to a well-organized lending library until someone finds a way to mollify the wicked Ms. E. She is compiling a list of the top 100 books we should have in Cordwainer, so that future book buying can fill some of the gaps in the collection. Anyone who has suggestions for this list should get in contact with her at future meetings or events, or send their thoughts here to be forwarded. The video library discussion was tabled for another week. That table's getting mighty tired, so we should be really nice to it, too. -EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! what's that I hear? is it armaggeddon on a rickety fish wagon? NO! It's the sound of newly hatched Pterodactlyls, ready for the annual Pterodactly Hunt which this year will be organized by Head Wizard Stephanie Dyrkacz and Outdoor Wizard Joel McNary. The Hunt will take place one of the days in the first weekend in November, and we are currently conducting our annual Monster Drive to get people to sign up for the various Orcish, Hobgoblinish or Other roles in the Hunt. [Not to be confused with the annual Monster Truck Drive, which takes place over Winter Break -J] The Monster Characteristics and Hunt rules are currently posted on the board in Parrish and will probably be hotly debated at upcoming meetings as well. Watch this space for further details. Actually, if you keep watching this space long enough, your screensaver will probably turn on, so you might want to go and eat once in a while because that can be really boring. Maybe you could get Broadcast, it makes some peoples lives incredibly eventful. Anyway. _Ed Wood_ and _Plan 9 From Outer Space_ were shown with great aplomb last week and it was decided that _The Last Unicorn_ would be shown for the following week, which, if you remember your chronology, has passed. Next week's movie, for those of you who like spoilers, is _Time Bandits_ by Terry Gilliam. I know I'm rather pleased with this choice because it provides us with the ability to find out how popular these movie showings are by simply standing next to the Potato Bar in Sharples and counting how many people look at it and shriek, "Don't touch it, it's evil!" Even better if they decide to serve cod munchies again. Non-SWIL business--------in one sentence because time's a wasting, Scott Friesen is thinking of showing the animated Lord of the Rings sometime this semester, Snibor Eoj wants to show Twin Peaks after meetings and jere7my continues to show Babylon 5 reruns, one of which was attended by a professor (!) but meanwhile gaming continues to occur on weekends in the Breakfast Room of ML-------whew! nothing left to mention but... ATTENDANCE 9-16-95 Lord Julius' Goat [infant kissing, hand-shaking, preemptively campaigning git! -J] Alice "I got my Katana!" Unger, Erik "Oh Dear" Rosolowsky, Fred "Magic cards here! huzzah!" Bush, Snibor "Adnag tsal ym depporp evah I." Eoj, Andrew "Is there a charge number for this?" Brown, Jeremy "Wh o dropped Willets on me?" Dilatush, Dave "Uh...What?" Minero, Dan "What you don't know might not hurt you." Eisenbud [roommate maxims, Dan? -J] Joel "Frosh know me because of my knight in Live Chess. Whimper." McNary [Frosh know me because of my night in Willets. Whimper. -J ] Ben "DUI = Driving Under Isotopes" Williams, Ethan "I hate these fucking cute little quotes!" Friedman, Stephanie "Resistance is gooseless" Dyrkacz, Andrea "Bad luck during 'Strange Luck'" Hall, Melissa "Semicolons : Lazy colons" Binde, Jessica "the scary cheerleader" Harbour, Sam "A Pestilence Upon the Birds" Weiler, Dan "Willets is kind of heavy to lift" Wells, jere7my "Maybe not eating people is the First step to making Friends." tho?rpe, Kendra "I've been janitor to the Apocalypse for long enough" Eshleman, Ben "no video library is complete without Space Ghost" Fritz. -James and The Giant Peach