Date: Wed, 14 Dec 1994 17:17:48 -0500 To: _swat.org.swil From: ltsina1 @ cc.swarthmore.edu (Lesley Tsina) X-Sender: ltsina1 @ cc.swarthmore.edu (Unverified) Subject: Pulp (pulp) n. 1. A soft, moist, shapeless mass of matter. 2. SWILnews #12 Status: RO SWILbusiness: If you will notice, there is no cute little introduction to this week's SWILnews. We quite aware of this and in fact it is part of our efforts to look out for SWIL-folk everywhere. As the vast majority of you are still swamped in fields of cellulose everywhere (aka-writing papers, finals, etc.) you certainly don't have the time to read some silly blurb about the cost of milk in Rangoon (1.29 American dollars). In fact, if you had spent the time you spend reading these little rants of ours studying, you would know that Rangoon is not a country and that nobody, not even someone from Rangoon, would spend $1.29 for some damn milk, even if it did have a picture of Parrish Annex on the carton with a blurb requesting information as to its whereabouts. For further discussion on dairy costs and world socio-political developments regarding college infrastructure and time-management courses available in your area, tune in next semester when we will have the time to go into all of this at length. Oh yeah, SWILbusiness, right... First off, there was the annual running of the politicians. Everybody gathered together and watched the schmoozing big-wigs give their philosophies on the major directions they see SWIL moving while chomping on their stogies and blowing smoke at the press dogs (especially Julianna) . First we did the platforms, and sticking to traditional form, followed them with the vote. There had been a theory that perhaps the whole thing would be better if we reversed this allowing people to duck out before the meaningful discussion of topics began, but instead, we let Aaron talk, which was very amusing. Da Platforms: 1. The salt and pepper shakers, seasoned candidates previously thought to have at least a 47% market share damaged their capaign severely through a weak and almost entirely unintelligble speech. Although people expected the two condiments to deal firmly with the ssues of Health Care and unemployment, they were especially interested to hear views on the passage of NAFTA. 2. Aaron and Julianna came up with the ingenious scheme of bringing us to a nirvana-like state through contemplation and yoga during the first semester, then allowing us to fall into the state that Nirvana, the group is probably in by deserting us for points afar and allowing chaos and anarchy to reign. "Find out if you'll be the next to control SWIL or merely a rung on some else's ladder to power!" declaimed Aaron. This plan was praised for it's yin-and-yang-esue sense of balance and renewal. 3. Fred and Eoj pointed out that if one combines the initials in Frederic Albert [Albert?! -L&TG] Bush and Snibor Ttirrim Eoj, one can spell out "BEST FA". No, really. Seeing as how they were the best fa that SWIL or any other organization which needed a note to follow "so" could wish for, the proclaimed themesleves, "The best candidates, backwards or forewards". 4. Next came Lesley Tsina and her talking monkey-boy who did tricks for the crowd. They basically rattled off some prattle about maintaining the good things from the past while trying better in the future. Also, there was extensive debate concerning various people's sex-appeal. Highligts included the wish for a SWIL dance party, the return of weekly movies and a gibbon in every pot. All-in-all a fine platform, if a bit racy. 5. Larry Miller then treated us to the first (in recent history at least) multi-media platform. Full of light and sound, his presentation centered around Disney musicals and a vision of a proud and happy SWIL. His main points, the three Q's, involved Dedication, Enthusiasm, and Leadership. Without going into details, it was made evident that here was an individual who actually cared a good deal about dragging SWIL up from the mire and making it a proud and glorious institution... or at least seeing more gaming. 6. Brad & Aaron Brockett went next, as jere7my gave a comprehensive presentation of their vision of "laissez faire" politics. The theory being that the only way to best the Brockett/tho?rpe reign was to have TWO completely absent co-presidents. 7. Ivanova and the Technomage came next with a simple statement: Vote for us or you're dead. Savvy, veeery savvy. 8. Finally, everyone's favorite mammal responded to charges of troubling affairs by completely denouncing all accusations as slander. Although Lord Julius's Goat has always seemed the pillar of moral virtue in our humble community, it seems the recent debacle with the prison furloughs and insulted Haitians may have been a bit too much. Still, it was a strong front that he brought before voters on Saturday. Following platforms we had the actual elections, and Megan Hallam, well known as the most honest person this side of Detroit was called upon to enact the strange tabulation ritual through which votes are sent through a metaphysical formulaic process to determine not only who won the election, but also what the weather will be like next week and whether or not the NHL will really get off strike long enough to have a full playoff season. After everyone sat about for a good long time it was determined that the Salt and Pepper Shakers were last of the eight registered contenders. Tragically, this news hit harder than expected, and one of the losing pair leapt to its gory demise. Such is politics. As for the winner, the Goat did indeed prove less popular than in recent years, falling to third. Instead, Larry Miller beat the Goat coming in second while Lesley and Don won, thus carrying on their co-presidency to a second term. Services will be held for the departed condiment this coming Sunday, and the inauguration is due the first Saturday after we return from winter break. Aside from the elections very little happened, although there was a bit of talk, especially by candidates concerning the recent SWIL-in-politics debate. Consensus was to table the issue until such time as we can speak on it at length. ItWILL be discussed, however, and all those out there, especially interested dinosaurs, should keep up with any debate on the net. Also, it seems that we do have Sharples 3 for the SWILCON and Fred has assured us that he will alert the administration before actually inviting the entire nation via Dragon Magazine to come have a gay old time on lovely Swarthmore campus. We shall see what Tedddd Goundie thinks about that. : ) Furthermore, this week, for those who don't have enough to do, there will be a reading of J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Yes, people shall gather in an attempt to read the whole thing and hopefully have a bit of fun doing it. Elizabeth Christian has been placed in charge of this event which was scheduled to begin at 3:00 Wednesday but is now going to be held on Thursday instead. Bring copies of the book/s if you have them, hot drinks, deodorant, comfy things to sit on, and tasty comestibles to ML breakfast room. There is also a tentative plan to cook dinner that night. Contact Besh for info. Non-SWILbusiness: The Magic League is up and running as hordes of people scamper about in search of cards to trade. Also, lots of partying, birthday and otherwise has been going on of late. Speaking of parties there was another meeting of Saturday's D&D group during which, surprisingly, no one died. Better luck next time. Oh, and there was one write-in candidate which was not mentioned above. "The Party" got one vote. Be very afraid. [Have you no sense of human decency, sir? -JW] [Nope. -L&TG] ATTENDANCE: (12/10/94) Samuel "SWIL... the church" Weiler, Andrew ***** Brown, Megan "Go away, I'm sleeping" Hallam, Jeremy "This room full of SWIL is really a room full of SWIL." Dilatush, ben, jere7my "77" tho?rpe, Kendra "Enjoy me now! Because next semester you're not going to see me" Eshleman [Oh, we do, we do! --TG], Fred "Angel" Bush, Elizabeth "Drink down the sheep" Christian, Ross "Vote for sale" Dickson, Aaron "Beep!" Hertzmann, Geoff "^x" Noer, Julianna "Good morning, sunshine; time to wakey" Patrick *again see Megan, Josh "Welp" Burdick, Robert "Does surfing make your nipples tingle?" Richardson [Yes! Oh God, Yes! -TG], Annie "Blockbuster Park is Dead! Long Live the Everglades!" Fox [Everglade Park, home of the two hundred-foot gibbon chute of death! -TG], Larry "Lord Julius's Goat is a convicted bad person" Miller, Dan "The goat deserves a fair trial" Wells, The Alice Unger- Erik Rosolowsky Symbiotic Unit [Emotionalism, Yech! -L], Snibor "Eciwt! Ekul! Net! Nam tfard cigam!" Eoj, Joel "I have not considered what to write so I think that I'll babble inanely until Sarah gets mad at Joel & makes Joel stop writing well..." McNary, Sarah "Shut up, Joel!" Piatt, Elizabeth "Has anyone seen an international observer checking the validity of said election." Weber [burp! -Charles], Dan "I heard a rumor that Jimmy Carter was running" Eisenbud, Melissa "Speaking of cockroaches in love, where are Joel and Sarah? (Joe Robins)" Binde [What exactly does Jimmy Carter have to do with cockroaches in love? -TG] [Obviously you haven't voted for the Democratic Party recently. -L] , Stephanie "People on Dana 1st are _vicious_! I should know. " Dyrkacz [Only the RA, the rest are fairly stable. -TG] [He should know. By the way, that's not the real RA. -L] -Literature & The Grotesque