Date: Wed, 18 Nov 92 14:19:44 -0500
To: swil @ cc.swarthmore.edu
From: mshaner1 @ cc.swarthmore.edu
Subject: I Come To Suck Your SWILnews

**bum, dum da-dum, dum, da-dum de-dum da dum dum**  (This is, by the way,
an onomatopoeic rendition of "Hail to the Chief") (note the repeated use of
the phrase "dum-dum" --D)  (Hmf.  --B)  The aforementioned tune serves to
remind you all that election day is coming, December 5th (the Saturday
after Thanksgiving).  Those nominated include:
        Lord Julius' Goat (nominated first, I might point out --D)
        Andrea & Beth
        Beth & Geoff (token opposition)
        Aaron & B(r)ad (token opposition to the token opposition)
        jere7my & Aaron (no, really, this time.  He knows, too.  Honest. 
--B)
        Charles, Robert & Geoff

The candidiates will present platforms this Saturday, so those interested
in finding out what they have to say should probably come.  As should those
who would like to say something.  
Other offices have been filled: Evan Dorn is probably treasurer, which is a
damn good thing, because Me, Beth is going to France this spring.  Lisa
Stefanowich will assume the role of Minister of Propaganda; Andrea will
ceremonially hand over the Magic Markers at some later date.

Beth has requested that we inform you that people still owe her money for
the Hallowe'en party.  If you went, give her two dollars.

Charles has drafted a letter which may be sent to the Phoenix in response
to Jason Zengerle's recent columns.  This, version 2.0, is considerably
more satirical than the last, and is meant to beat Jason at his own game. 
(If you would like to read it, see Charles.)  Charles has promised to make
it perfectly clear that it is a letter from him, and not from SWIL, so
y'all needn't worry.  I (B) am working on a more generally addressed letter
to the campus at large, the purpose of which will be to explain a little
bit what SWIL is exactly (and why we shouldn't have, say, water balloons
thrown at us from Parrish Fourth), but that is still a work in progress.

If Jim McLeod and Runcible the Rat show up at this Saturday's meeting, they
will be rent limb from limb, wa ha ha.  Don Lehr opted once again to forego
this pleasure by not showing up.  Oh well.

I (D) have seen, yay verily touched, a copy of Penn & Teller's new book,
_How to Play with Your Food_.  I have not yay verily bought it yet, but I
probably will over Thanksgiving break.  It's selling for about $20,
includes the recipes for Bleeding Jello and Satan's Burritos, and looks to
be pretty dern wacky.

Jove Graham has a way cool watch with a hologram of Yoda.  If you angle it
right, you can even tell time with it.

Charles Deilly is due to arrive this weekend with a (insert large volume
here) (the Compleat Works of William Shakespeare --D)-load of books for
sale and/or donation.  To find him, find Deb Barolsky.   

In Stuff Requests: Lesley Tsina is costuming _Rosencrantz & Guildenstern
Are Dead_, and is looking for money pouches appropriate for lots of coins,
all heads.  Similarly, Lisa Stefanowich is looking for a trick knife (the
kind with the retractable blade).  So if you own and are willing to lend
such items, talk to them soon.  Like, today, actually, since tomorrow's
opening night.

And of course, SUBMIT TO BEM.

REVIEW: "Bram Stoker's Dracula" 
by Bondage & Discipline, ML 4302, x8020, and ML 4219, x8016
Bear in mind that the sound levels in the theater we frequented (we only
went the once --D) went up to eleven, and they took advantage of this fact.
 In other words, we missed much of the dialogue due to ringings in the
ears.  However, that no one used his or her real accent didn't help either.
 At any rate, the visuals were astounding - a little ridiculously artsy,
but way fun to watch.  Coppola was, as usual, melodramatic at times, and
perhaps a bit heavy-handed, but that is forgivable in a vampire movie.  As
the resident English major, I feel it my duty to point out that the plot
didn't bear a whole lot of resemblance to Bram Stoker's _Dracula_ - the
same characters, yes, but there was sex going on in combinations Stoker
never intended.  There was a lot of sex in this movie.  Vampires are sexy. 
Heh heh heh.  Anthony Hopkins did a good job as a moderately unbalanced
vampire hunter, and Tom Waites was simply amazing (and sick) as one of
Dracula's insane servants.  Keanu Reeves, however, masticated gravel as
Jonathan Harker.  Wynona Ryder was fine as threatened female #1; threatened
female #2 was a bit caricatured, though.  But she had lots of sex.  All in
all, a fun and BIG movie.  See it in the theater rather than on video, but
see it at matinee prices.  I (D) give it 1 1/4 thumbs up out of two, and I
(B) give it 1 1/2.

ATTENDANCE FOR SATURDAY THE 14TH OOH
Jove "Still looking for a Wookiee sidekick" Graham (Oh, why not just go
solo?  Sorry.  --B); Lisa "Alice Cooper went to Hell; I've got Sharples"
Stefanowich; Josh "shoes are good things" Burdick; Andrea "cold germs
mutating in my brain" Hall; Jim "When do visiting hours end?" McLeod; Dan
"KA1WNH/KT" Wells; Kendra "I will not assume the lion on a cheese grater
position" Eshleman (What?  Me make a comment?  --B); Sam "I'm here, really"
Weiler; Robert "Damped Oscillatory Motion of Muggers" Richardson; Geoff
"COME TO THE ORCHESTRA CONCERT TONIGHT AT 8 PM IN LANG" Noer (too late,
Geoff m'lad.  --B); Charles "James Faulkner slept here" Danforth; Runcible
"Feed Me, dammit" TI; David "Over five-billion hunks of well-done steak"
Randall; Deb "an overabundance of candidates" Sam; Jafe "Penn '95"
Campbell; Lesley "But I haven't been dismembered" Tsina; Peter "...and the
registered dead shall rise from their graves and vote" Wong; Jacob "TA3 3M"
Mattison; Jen "Burp" Setlow; Mike "I slept in and dissed Melissapline and
my punishment seems to be getting stuck behind 300 specs in a Sharples
line" Rothbart (take this as a warning, y'all --D)

                                - Bram & Drac