THIS IS IT! NEVER AGAIN WILL WE, FLASH AND SUBSTANCE, SCRIBE A SWILNEWSISH DOCUMENT SUCH AS THIS! Is this exciting or what? Is this the end of Rico (not RICO, boys and girls) or what? Is this a Swilnews? Or WHAT? Answers to these and other pressing questions can be discovered in the farthest reaches of Darkest Fermidiashaster, or by reading the third letter of each word in this swilnews backwords. [How do you read a letter backwards? -- S] [very carefully -- not here, but neither F nor S] But let's get to the Swilnews: In IMPORTANT NEWS, JEFF HILDEBRAND HAS BEEN ELECTED PRESIDENT OF SWIL!!!!!! (Huzzah!) (Yip! Yip!) (etc....) He will shoot off multitudes of fireworks, and a celebration shall be expressed by all. Then we'll sing lots of silly noises. This will probably occur Friday the 25th of January in Bond, if Ed gets his act together [Ed???? who says Ed is responsible? Reserving the hall sounds pretty Substantial to me --F] [But fireworks? That's gotta be Flash. --S]. Well, someone will get someone's act together, and it'll happen. Or something... Submit to Fran! [Glad to see someone's been brainwa--- happily persuaded to take charge, heh heh.] The office of Treasurer will remain conspicuously vacant until such time as someone can be bullied into taking it. If this doesn't happen YOU WILL HAVE LESS FUN THAN YOU OTHERWISE COULD. No treasurer, no money! No money, no Swil, no nothin'. Come up with amusing T-shirt designs, and give them to Nao. Enter the SF writing contest. Win money. Be famous. (Those last three sentences are, in fact, related...) In response to the recent controversy, there will be no Attendance List this week. (Also in response to Substance's forgetting to circulate one at the last meeting...) Responses to the lack of attendance lists should be addressed to JEFF, not us. We're no longer president. We don't care. See the SWIL folder on the VAX for further info. (And if you can do that, and you're getting this Swilnews on paper, you should switch to e-mail. Save trees, time, and money!) [I'd comment but I'm too lazy to do the math and figure in the true cost of the computers and the electricity production...but you could still recycle them old newses, couldn't you? Just because mine are all sitting around in an old drawer someplace doesn't mean you have to follow my illustrious example, does it? Right.][previous response was by neither of us. Confused? You won't be, after the next episode of our Secret Special Surprise Section --F&S] And now, for something completely similar: Our Secret Special Surprise Section, featuring a Mysterious Disappearing Pseudo-stranger. Take it away, MDP! No, because if I do, all the SWILfolk will get mad that you didn't put a SWILnews this week either. But hey.... The dragon was here; see you all later again! Now it's time to say goodbye to our constit'ency. S-W-I (I really hate to go.) L (oh L). It's been surreally great! And remember, if you've enjoyed our co-presidency only half as much as we have, then we've enjoyed it twice as much as you! F & S [Final & Swilnews]