COMPETENT CO-PRESIDENTS UNABLE TO COME UP WITH OPENING LINE FOR FIRST SWILNEWS! (And if anybody says we're not competent...) The first news is the return of your humble-but-lovable Swil Co-presidents, Flash and Substance, to the Swarthmore academic life and the subsequent creation of a whole new generation of Swilnewses [Swilnewsi?] for your edification and enjoyment. By a happy coincidence, this event coincides with your (that's you) return to the above-mentioned lifestyle. Or perhaps your arrival in the first place. This means, that THERE'S ACTUALLY NEWS IN THIS SWILNEWS!!! [not to mention our extra special surprise section! Bet you really missed those over the summer! -- F&S] The second news is that the arrival of the freshling class and the shocking enthusiasm thereof bodes well for we of much Swilness and thus we may report (and probably will) that the orientation events were a huge hulking success, and much fun was had by one and all. (Told you we'd report it.) To be more specific, Live Chess was great (thanks, Nao!), and the forces of Darkness were once more triumphant (why does anyone play white anymore?). The zeroth meeting was well-attended (see below), and great fun for the whole family. Lots of '94 types are receiving this very Swilnews on account a' they signed up somewhere with someone. [Hi '94 types!!! -- F&S] In other Swil news, the first reminder of the year to submit to BEM! You'll be seeing lots of those in the months to come. The Swil Endowment SF writing contest will get under way this semester (we hope). Work should begin soon for the Fall '90 Pterodactyl Hunt, led by Josh Smith and Peter Wagner. For explanations and descriptions (and apocryphal anecdotes) of these and other Swil events, ask us, or come to a meeting! Also, thanks to Deb Holtzman for her work in the Cordwainer Bird Library (in Cornell), which you all should visit real soon, y'hear? The Swil storage room, otherwise known as George, in Hallowell basement, no longer opens with the key in the Swil locker (new lock, you know). We're working on it. Just card the door. Or ask Flash (Hallowell 105) to do so. The First Meeting of Fall '90 will be held at High Noon in the large reserve room in Sharples on Saturday, September 8, 1990. A date which may or may not live in infamy. AND NOW, THE ATTENDANCE LIST: Attendification for September 1, 1990 [which was my half-birthday -- S]: Jed, sleepless; Luke, shredded; Nao, leafy; , sleazy [we suspect Fran]; Jeff, snoopy; Deb, invisible (what else?); Alex, Amused & Sardonic [those grad school students, two adjectives for the price of one...]; Peter, " "; David, sweet, really; Stephen Siff, anonomous; Melissa, correctly spelled; Wendy Waesche, here; Jessica, dinosauric; Josh, thermoglockadorian; the other Josh, anthropomorphic; Jere7my Tho?rpe, long-lived and prosperous; Peter, Jack is Back; Jim, I'm a number, not an adjective!; Bhadrika, be-hatted; Kar-yee Wu, strangely-pronounced; Jenni Rosenblum, head-crushing; Aaron Brockett, non-existent; Will Klump, Infinite; William Lowe Hennenlotter III, effervescent; Daniel Long, semi-conscious; Marguerite, returned from off-campus; Rodent, Unusually sized [I don't think it exists. -- F] [He's wrong, you know. -- S]; Nathaniel Bennett, interesting; Mark Schwartz, neurotic; Melissa Running, serendipitous [you can't fool us! Melissa's only your middle name! -- F&S]; Ursula K. Le Guin, spiritual; Stephen Sample, adiabatic [is that a real word? -- F&S]. In addition, there were present Ed Bernstein, Flashy; Andy Perry, Substantial; Chris and Laura and Laura and Chris, fourmer presidents. This Swilnews is now over; it will not self-destruct, but it can be recycled. If you would like not to worry about recycling your Swilnewses, you may receive them through e-mail, saving both trees and the valuable time of your Co-presidents. Send e-mail to AWP92, or tell us in person. Talk HARD! F & S [Fall & Semester]