Swilnews 4-6, Vol. II "A Swilnews trilogy in a single paper-back volume! Even better than a decalogy! I liked it a lot." -- People Magazine. Greetings, everyone. After a long hiatus attributed variously to gluttony, sloth, stress, strain, filet mignon, and MTV brain rot, (the last speculation was taken from Weekly World News -- I wouldn't trust it --ed), Swilnews is back in business this week with a 3-in-1 edition. We've got lots of news, lots of quotes from pop publications, lots of attendance ("but wait, there's more"), AND the latest gossip about the Soviet space aliens. Try and beat that, Weekly World News (MTV brain rot -- Ha!)! And now the news -- Last week-end was the Pterodactyl Hunt. The Pterodactyls lost, but squawks of "Wait till next year!" are already ringing through the eyries in Parrish attic. Whether the 'dactyls can recover in time to challenge the Players this spring is yet to be determined. Inside sources say that they are looking for "an organizer and some financial support from BC" (quoted from Sports Illustrated). The next few week-ends will feature slightly more sedate events. This Friday (Friday the 13th) there will be a "Friday the 13th Science Fiction/Horror Story Reading" (paraphrased from Jed, not a pop publication) in Dana Basement. Rumour has it that "those Rowdy Readers are even bringing ReFrEshMenTs." Saturday the 14th will be GRE day (in case Friday the 13th doesn't do you in, this will), but will have a few redeeming features nonetheless. First at noon, there will be "Return of the Jed." Jed Hartman, Loremaster and President Emeritus of Swil, will be making a special guest appearance while the 4 do battle with the GRE's (reputed to be 12 HD monsters -- quoted from the Monstrous Compendium, part 3, coming soon from TSR "More Rules for More Money," inc.) Then in the evening Bruce will be showing movies in his room in ML -- "a post-GRE extravaganza" (Philadelphia Enquirer Week-ender). Then there will be October break. ////// After break, on October 31, there will be Halloween caroling (more details forth-coming) and a Halloween party the next week-end. It will be a private party, so there will be a small charge (probably $2). Again, more info soon. Looking farthere ahead, there will be a treasure hunt the week-end of November 10, and Philcon the week-end of Nov. 17. Registration is only $20 until Nov. 1. Whew!! That's enough news for now! Attendance -- Two weeks ago, there were: Oh, yes I am, Ha! I'm first and you're not! Wintermute, "I'm not first, but he who laughs second laughs longest ha-ha-ha" Randall - Not Auer, David, Yo! I'm here ... sort of. Wong (Peter), Alex "First I was a DM, then I was a half-elf, now I am a GM again - HA HA HA HAAAA-HA!" Weirich, Josh "I don't have to take GREs yet!" Mackay-Smith, Bruce "Perpetual Homework" Hahne, Jeff "Filker Madness" Hildebrand, Nao "I'm supposed to go to a piano bar tonight" Parkhurst, Josh "Why did I volunteer to organize this flaming hunt anyway?" Smith, Peter Pan aPorthos, Not here, Rick "Dark corner" Post, Jessica "Corner Post?" H., Chris "I've got to go to Vancouver to take the GRE's" Cobb, Ick "and I've got to take him" Ers. Last week, there were: Phran 'War, no peace. Thank you' Altvater, Gess "Wat, no pieces? Thank you ..." Hines, Garth "When System 7.0 is outlawed, only outlaws will have System 7.0" Snyder, David "Love & Death" Randall, Josh "yes, even a Hunt organiser can sprain an ankle" Smith, SMOF, "System 7 doesn't screw up the laser writers, people screw up the laserwriters." Nao "Percolated Grapevine? Is ther caffeine in that?" Sara "yes, scary thought -- you all already know me" Koopman, Josh "my ankle is just fine, thank you" Mackay-Smith, Joel "finally got to hunt a Pterodactyl" Offenberg, Jeff "I've got my helmet on" Hildebrand, Jay "no longer the longest name" Scott, Kinda "Jim Moskowitz" Backward, Jed "See your name in quotes" Hartman, Mike, Chris "I hope this Swilnews fits on one page" Cobb, Jack Falstaff, Pistol, and all the old gang from the Boar's Head Inn. Want Ads and Gossip -- Wanted -- Someone to organize a game of Thing, a sort of T.A.G. For more info, talk to Laura. Gossip -- The Space aliens in Russia were really just a delegation to Boskone that got lost on the T. Wanted -- Someone to help Rick with the Halloween party. Gossip -- The Space aliens in the Soviet Union were really mutant rats from Chernobyl or Nymh. Wanted -- Someone to organize a van schedule to Philcon. Gossip -- the Space aliens in the USSR are part of a Communist Plot. They really are demons from Hell, which Scientists discovered was under a mountain in the USSR just a few years ago (information collected from a Weekly World News headline and the Delco daily times). Wanted -- A Swil embassy to the Aliens. Volunteers needed. Orphans, linguists, and mutants preferred. Gossip -- The Space Aliens are Real (You heard it here first!). And so we come to the end of this exciting Swilnews trilogy. Planned future issues include -- Best of Attendance lists, A computer-generated Swilnews, and "Swilnews of the [network] Stars." Keep subscribing, and remember -- "Swilnews has less sex than a Harlequin, but the character development -- I loved it!" (Quoted from the Weekly Romance News) 4