The Last Wide SWILnews #13: for the week of Dec. 11-18, 1988.
						    HARTMAN RETIRES
Rancho Nuevo Palos Verdes, Nova Olympus Mons, L-5
     Ex-president Jed Hartman (alias Jed the Obscure, alias Number Two, et al., ad infinitum, ad nauseum, ad astra)
retired to his opulent Nova Olympus Mons mansion today (allegedly built with funds embezzled from SWIL's Speaker budger),
declaiming, with wobbling jowls, "You won't have Jed Hartman to kick around any more!"  Hartman's scandal-ridden term as
SWIL president has just come to an end amid rumors of secret control by obscure, unexpected religious fanatic groups and
huge bribes. Replacing him beginning in January are as-yet-untitled co-presidents Laura Almasy and Chris Cobb, who plan
to bring a new age of peace, freedom, and justice to the long-embattled SWILniks.  Cobb and Almasy have not named a
cabinet as yet, though rumor has it that Hartman has been appointed to the newly-created post of Loremaster. 
Speculation that bribery was involved is totally unfounded. 
   Almasy and Cobb declared that in celebration of their unanimous election, there will be a Live Checkers game next
semester.  Hartman's longtime imaginary pet and confidante Checkers was unavailable for comment, though still alive at
last sighting.  Said Cobb, "Kings will have to be stacked, or some reasonable facsimile thereof." 

IN OTHER WORDS:
   Congratulations, felicitations, and other -ations to Chris and Laura (or is it Laura and Chris?) on their latest in a
long line of achievements: getting SWIL to actually consense on something (an impressive achievement considering the
number of voting sessions we underwent last semester).  I look forward to their reign.  Even as I write this, the
search goes on to find a new Secretary of the Treasury to replace Sally Carter, who has done a wonderful job during the
past year of balancing our oft-imbalanced budget and of placating Budget Committee (thanks, Sally!); freshlings and
sophomores are particularly invited to apply.  No experience necessary, but duties are far from nominal.  Also being
looked for and called for, asked for and sought for (add plagiarism to the charges against him!) is a new Secretary of
Advertising to replace the Reverend Mother Julie Love Patrick, who has faithfully and well maintained the SWIL board and
put notices in the Weekly News lo these many months (thanks, Julie!), but who is, alas, leaving us next semester and
passing on into the great Beyond of the After(Swarthmore)Life. 
   I don't know whether to call myself an (ex-president)-elect (as opposed to an ex-(president-elect)) or a
Loremaster-elect.  Or (president emeritus)-elect?  When a person becomes president, does that make thon a
president-elect emeritus?  Hmm.
IN OTHER WORLDS:
   An infinite number of things happened.
IN OTHER NEWS:
   BEM appears to have a six-member editorial board this year, a 200% increase over last year's two-member board.  Kir
Talmage is Responsible for it; talk to her for more information.  The tentative deadline is April 1, which gives all of
you LOTS of time to write something.  We're accepting essays as well as the usual art, poetry, and stories this year. 
Oh, and did I mention that BEM is our very own Bug-Eyed Magazine? 
   I have the new catalog from Firebird Arts and Music (formerly Off Centaur Publications, Inc.), which is, to the best
of my knowledge, the largest publisher of filk material in the world.  Prices have gone up, some.  The catalog is nicer
and better-organized than the OCPI catalogs were.  Many of the OCPI tapes and books are going out of print and thus
should be ordered very soon if anyone wants them; in particularly, all three of Kathy Mar's tapes will no longer be
produced. sigh.  Ask me if you want to see the catalog. 
   I've electronically subscribed to something called "Dargon" from Drexel. It seems to be a shared-world anthology
modeled after the _Thieves' World_ series, written by Drexel students.  I have no idea how good it is, as I haven't seen
an issue yet.  In case this means anything to anyone, it apparently used to be called FSFNet.  As usual, will keep you
posted. 

   And now the part of the SWILnews you've all been waiting for:
ATTENDANCE:
   I forgot to pass around an attendance list until the very end, so this is far from complete: Hildebaby; Glenn "He
left but he was here" Rutan; Captain BEM; and her dog, spot; Fussbudget -- Thibberty Gibbet's alter ego; Luke "Hummm"
Hankins; Fran/Max; dianAnaid; Why?; Subcommittee #5; and noone else; Michael "''is not a valid expression" Bernstein;
Laura and Chris & Chris and Laura "The Four of Us"; and Lord Jedstocost, esq., ret., formerly of the Instrumentality of
SWIL.  Note that there WILL be a meeting on 12/17, at which Luke and Glenn might FINALLY be dismembered, if they're there. 

If this isn't my last SWILnews, I don't know what is.  Except maybe next week's.  But don't be too surprised if there
isn't one.  In case there isn't, it's been surreal; it's been fun; and it's even been surreal fun.  Thank you all. 
"Space itself, so clean, so empty, so tidy, now looked like a million million light-years of tapioca pudding -- gummy,
mushy, sticky, not fit to breathe, not fit to swim in." 
				murkily,
				Lord Jedstocost (Jed Hartman, Loremaster-elect)