/************/ /* SWILNews */ /************/ //Welcome Aboard SWILNews Flight #11// If you look in your seatback pocket, you will find 1000 Blank White Cards. Please fill them out now. In accordance with FAA regulations, compliance with crew instructions is mandatory. Before we take off, all personal electronics must be turned off and stowed. Please direct your attention to the Presidents for important safety instructions... /****************/ /* SWILBusiness */ /****************/ The Scribe is in favor of Susan getting the "Love Your Neighbor" card. Complimentary love will be distributed once we reach our cruising altitude. Our scheduled departure to disorder is at 12:10 pm, with an approximate flight time of 2 hours. To secure your safety harness, have Greg draw the first card, and lodge objections with Jon with your flight attendant. Pull the buckle tight, and nominate a Land Rover for president. In the event of a "get out of stupidity free" card, please proceed calmly to the nearest exit. Nick and JC will receive cards at the Nominate Books and Submit to BEM doors, located over the wings of the aircraft. Please sit back, relax, and enjoy your flight to Saturday Night SWIL, Bond, where you will find the most Annoying Large-Scale Games in the world. ::sounds of engine throttling up, irate passenger Mark calling everyone an "ugly bag of mostly water":: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is your God Andrew speaking. Presidential elections will be held as soon as we arrive at Next Week. If you look out the left side of the aircraft, you will see JC pushing for Saturday Night SWIL. Our in-flight movie will be "The Rocky Horror Picture Show", nominated by Noda, who is now Chris, for Saturday Night SWIL. If you need assistance, just let one of the flight attendants know, and I will jiggle my chest angrily at you. We're looking at a bit of turbulence up ahead, so please wear Jonathan's glasses, even though he is dirty. I must remind you that striking a passenger or crew member named Greg with a pink flamingo is a federal offense punishable to the fullest extent of the law, even if you are Arthur. Just to the right and below the aircraft you can see Nick screaming "I hate you all!". You may be wondering if one of the Chrises is good and one is evil; I can assure you that Saturday Night SWIL will be theater games, and that I bravely stopped Arthur from imitating a professor. /***********/ /* Lottery */ /***********/ We've just received our final clearance for lottery, so please return to your seats and mock Mark's spelling. Jillian will receive a dinosaur eating a pen as soon as we land. /********************/ /* Non-SWILBusiness */ /********************/ Ladies and gentlemen, this is the flight deck. I regret to inform you that we've been told by Chris that we all suck. We'll go into a holding pattern over SCDC, and wait for Alex to auction off our next instruction to Nathaniel. We may be up here for a while, so I would agree with Jerome and his advocacy for a snowball fight on board. Your other option is to go to the Albee play with Jon. ::terrible noise of rending metal, sudden drop in cabin pressure:: My God... JC cannot pronounce the letter 'r'!!! We are going down to Nominations! Everyone, brace for impact! Before we all die, I just want to say that... I... I <3 French Chris! ::Explosions, screams of terror, and assorted maiming, dismemberment, and death.:: /*******************/ /* Attendance List */ /*******************/ //The Attendance List of 457 Blank White Cards// Andrew "Put Nickname Here" Brown M. Jawaad "Now Dictator of Iraq" Hussain Jillian "Game Mechanic: receive two pieces of cutlery every time something goes wrong, on condition that you repair it" Waldman (That's an incredibly long name to have to try and say... but not as bad as Otto von Schnitzelpuss Kraken de Scheitmeier! -t) Michael "You guys suck. I hate you all. This is why I don't come to SWILMeeting, etc." Noda Jerome "It's a Soviet Soldier's Holiday Today!" Fung (All hail the forever-red Motherland!! -t) Caitlin "Not a member" Markowitz (Wait... does that mean that you're a non-member, or that you're confused about the definition of membership, or rather, non-membership, and are therefore in actuality a non-non-member of SWIL, commonly called a member, even though you yourself are not in SWIL and must not be a member even though the definition of non-member... -t) ( -dw) Nathaniel "Confusion to the enemy" Mason Ben "I know what I'm doing" Newman (Bweep-doo-woop? -r2d2) Alex "Malfunctionin Food Replicator of DOOM!!!" Pshenichkin (I made you, and I can unmake you! -t) Eliza "Noticeably Silent" Blair (Haven't we been over this? -t) Jackie "Sleeper Ninja" Blair (I'm going to tell John Ashcroft on you! -d) Arthur "Bringer of the Kittens" Chu Greg "Arthur, King of the Britons" Robinson JONATHAN "IN JIM'S PANTS" SCHNEIDER IN JIM'S PANTS* Miriam "must be done" Newman Blair "the only one in this room not acting like Chris" Reaser (I hate you all! -dtw) Susan "NOT in Jim's pants" Zell (Good - and it better stay that way! -w) Michael "Still writing for the 'become your mother' card" Cohen (Eerily appropriate... -t) Anna "my hat smells like hay" Lee MARK "I APOLOGIZE FOR NOTHING" HANDLER ( -tw) Viva Nick "No one wants to get a French Chris!" Ward * THIS FOOTNOTE DRAWS A CARD IN JIM'S PANTS And now we're out of, Time