/***************/ /* SWILNews #6 */ /***************/ //Things That Go Bump in the SWILNews #6// /****************/ /* SWILBusiness */ /****************/ It's very dark. You may be eaten by a rabble. But wait - it's very pathetic. No worries. Though it may chill you to the bone, SWILoween will be on Saturday, November 1st. Money should be directed to Alex the Dark One, or Death the Darker One. (A game of Twister will not allow you to get out of paying. -d) Beware the Evil Economists lurking everywhere. They have the tendency to make you pay $3 before and event, $4 at an event, and $5 after the event. Scaaaaary. Except for people who live away from campus. E-mail Death Himself to obtain "special" treatment. (Hu-hu-hu-hu-hua-ha-ha-haaaa!! -d) Watch your back! JC will be running Assassins, starting sometime shortly after SWILoween. Assuming any of you survive that dark holiday... What was that? Oh, nothing. Just the horrible abomination that is Miriam and Blair sharing one brain. It may or may not be evil. As the darkness closes around you, you are compelled to Submit to BEM!!!! (I cast magic missile at the darkness! -d) (Where's the Mountain Dew? -t) (Dew, or dew not, there is no... try? -d) ( -w) (Ow, I think I ran into a branch! -d) (That's no branch, that's a battle station! -t) (If by battle station, you mean War. Oh. Hi. -d) A bat flies up and lands on your shoulder. There is a message tied as a noose around the bat's neck. You remove the noose. The bat dies. You read the message. "Nominate books, you stupid illiterate people!". You die. (SWILNews isn't as futile as Nethack, is it? -t) (No, all of us are created equal. There's no futile lord, and we're not peasants. -d) You come across a tombstone. It reads "Megan Nelson, Sentient Because She Was A Spoon". (Megaaaaannn!!! -w) (There is no Megan. -t) (Megaaaaannnn!! -w) (The Tick, meanwhile, is standing by, mourning the loss of his beloved battle cry. -d) (If I were him, I'd be Morning it. -t) (It's almost Halloween. This is the time of the eternal night! -d) Near the graveyard is the town square. The smell of burning flesh wafts towards you. A philosopher is being burned at the stake. (Mmmm... steak... -d) (Burn him! Burn the Philosopher! He turned me into a postulate! -w) Notice: Raoul has been sentenced to death for daring to question the value of sentience. (Was that sentence sentient? -t) You see a dark figure slinking away from the crowd. You recognize her as Kelly Miller-Schreiner, and it is clear that she is attentive to potential danger. The wind grows stronger, and a fell voice and the air says (You're plagiarizing! -d) (I wish Elvish were in the public domain... -t) /***********/ /* Lottery */ /***********/ Sam, who is not the Tilded Crane (Sam the Flamingo? -w), won a box of toy and/or modeling clay from Mystery Bowl #2. (Orange you glad you didn't pick Mystery Bowl #1? -t) (And Penn State beat Syracuse 41-38 in the Mystery Bowl. -w) /********************/ /* Non-SWILBusiness */ /********************/ If you do not have tickets to the Capital Steps, your are among the damned!! (Held back, indeed. -d) You hear cultish chanting emanating from the bell tower, even though it is 7:30 pm on a Sunday. (Is that Daylight Saving Me? -t) (No, it's Night Time Dooming You! -w) There will be a rummage sale of souls at the Friends Meetinghouse. This afternoon, Rachel will be setting off into the unknown depths of the haunted Crum Woods. (They aren't really haunted. At least not very much. -r) Time must be returned to his evil overlord Emperor Gates for reprogramming, because he became half of the meaning of life, the universe, and everything as of 7:30 am. (Brain the size of marble, and you send me to go do differential equations... -t) Embrace your inner darkness and join Time for a D20 Modern one-shot. You will most likely perish. /*******************/ /* Attendance List */ /*******************/ //Attendance List of Quark, Son of Keldar// Adam "Grillka (sp?)" Oleksa (Now we're cooking with gas! And it's Grilka. -t) Andrew "Lord Girly Hands" Brown (Well, you're stuck with it now. Ha-ha. -t) (Couldn't we just have another Ben? -w) Jackie "This nickname is False." Werner (I think it's tricksy. -t) (Okay, False. How're you doing, False? -w) Samuel "Edward Hicks Magill, Jr, Jr, Jr, Jr, Jr." Jenkins (What was Edward the Fifth king of? -t) Megan "Oh, anxiety-inducing tables!" Nelson (Try the latest product from Dupont... -t) (Actually, it's quote "the new science center" -w) (Quoth the new science center, "Nevermore!" -r) Blair "The Whirling Dervish" Reaser (Mommy, I don't want to ride the merry-go-round anymore. -t) Miriam "Thinking too hard" Newman JONATHAN "THE MAN OF ERDMAN" SCHNEIDER* Raoul "It shoots FIREBALLS that SHOOT *LIGHTNING BOLTS*!!" Bagley (Never let him DM. -w) (Let him DM! I want one of those! -t) Jerome "Bryn Mawr Rules!" Fung (Is that a variety of rugby? -t) Kelly "has nothing amusing to put in quotes" Miller-Schreiner (At least you have something to put in quotes... back in my day all we got were some lousy parentheses! -t) Jillian "& the trees of the fields clapped their hands " Waldman (Ents? Where?? -t) benjamin 'thip! thip! thip!' r, george Alex "I 'Volunteered'!" Pshenickin Mai "I made the prop, darnit!" Pucik (Unfortunately, the building collapsed anyway. You fail. -w) ~Sam "Made of pixels" Crane (Ooo... Digital Sam! I apply a Grassfire Transform and normalize the confusion matrix! -t) (Smoking up again? Give me a hit! -w) ( -t) Joanna "DAMN STRAIGHT!" Karpinski (But it's Coming Out Week! -t) MARK "CGA" HANDLER (Confederate Grues of America? -t) Nick "Brunt. FCA." Ward (Jeffrey Combs is my favorite character actor. -t) Rachel "It's made of a shoe-like substance" Sapiro (All the flavor of rubber, half the calories! -t) JC "Scottish Hippies Are The Enemy of Romance" Ravage *THIS FOOTNOTE IS GOING TO BE DORU GAVRIL FOR HALLOWEEN /***********/ /* The End */ /***********/ You survived this SWILNews by the good graces of Death, Time, and War