/***************/ /* SWILNews #5 */ /***************/ //Interview with the SWILNews #5// /****************/ /* SWILBusiness */ /****************/ Welcome... to 60 Parsecs. Tonight, we will take you, the viewer, into the inner sanctum of that mysterious "weekly" publication: the SWILNews. It is our hope that we will be granted the first interview with this enigmatic, eccentric, brilliant creation... 6P: What is your opinion of the rabble? SN: They were always pathetic, trying to elbow there way in to my spotlight, trying to ride my glory to the top. They're still pathetic, and they'll always be pathetic. 6P: Even with the surprise addition of Rebecca Sela? SN: She's an Evil Economist. But yay Hunt! 6P: What is this "Hunt" you speak of? SN: E-mail majordomo @ swil.org with "subscribe hunt" (no quotes) in the message body to join the Hunt List, and find out. Maybe next year the Hunt can be Homecoming. 6P: Ah. So you agree with Jillian's appointment as Acting Webmaster? SN: Actually, I think she should take her Swat diploma and spill soda (pop! -t) on herself. Plus, it was Jawaad's idea anyway. 6P: Speaking of Jawaad's ideas, I've heard that they respelled George as "Alex Wyrick". SN: 'Tis a silly place. 6P: How ould you suggest preventing this sort of silliness in the future? SN: First, I'd have them submit to BEM. Then I'd make them nominate books, although they are stupid and illiterate. 6P: Have you ever proven sentience? SN: No, I've been there from the beginning. I've seen 'em all, even this new guy Alex who loves and envies his forks because of their utility. He got proven sentient because he's squishy. (I shall call you Squishy, and you shall be my squishy! -t) (Squishy! -w) (There is no squishy! -w) (Squishy! -w) (There is no squishy! -w) ( -t) 6P: Do you have any stories of the Hunt you mentioned earlier? SN: Well, these two hobgoblins, we'll call them Rachel and Mega, saw two tasty large guys and chased them. Megan dueled one, and Rachel's ran away backwards. 6P: What about the reports of attempted 'Dactyl back-poking? SN: It was futile, of course. Everyone knows that 'Dactyl targets only work one way! 6P: Ah. But were the monsters allowed to take hunters' wallets, shoes, and teeth? SN: Only under extenuating circumstances, like when one of them took the Hydra's flail. 6P: Would you say that Eliza heroically ran the hunt? SN: Yes, and we love her for it, because she was a squire. Yay squires! Also, Abby sold lots of fish. 6P: When it comes to monsters, who had the best hunting cry? SN: Oh, most definitely Andrew. Unfortunately, no one noticed. 6P: I think they noticed when the 'Dactyls flew in formation up Magill Walk clearing a lot of hunter flotsam. SN: It would have been more impressive if their large wings didn't produce so much drag. 6P: It would be a real drag to run away from a monster that can't kill you. SN: You mean like the two hunters who ran away from the fishmonger? That's hilarious! But not as funny as watching hunters trying to avoid 'Dactyl artillery. 6P: 'Dactyl artillery? SN: Yeah, they fire venom into the air so it covers a wide area. 6P: It seems kind of unnecessary when the hunters will run away even without a 'Dactyl shooting them. /***********/ /* Lottery */ /***********/ SN: Maybe so, but Steve won the lottery. 6P: Yes, the eyes have it. /*******************/ /* Attendance List */ /*******************/ Abby "GO YANKEES! ARR!" Friedman (Go Twins! -t) Rebecca "Surprise alum" Paul/Sela (I think Abby could write something about that pairing... -t) Andrew "Cthulu's Not Evil" Brown Ben "Neither am I" Newman (Well, if you're neither, who's nor? -t) Rebecca "Being a squire isn't all that bad" Goldman Qian "cold" Qian M. Jawaad "I want a foam war hammer for next year." Hussain Alex "Kill all humans!" Pshenickin Eliza "Evil Horde of One" Blair Megan "Them orcs get pretty big" Nelson Rachel "HOBGOBLIN PRIDE" Sapiro Jillian "Mistress of Evil" Waldman Michael "Last Dactyl Standing" Noda Lisa "Pigtails, please? PLEASE?!" Spitalewitz Jerome "not the hole-digger" Fung Anna "I can't imagine a place without mountains" Lee (Mountains, Gandalf! -t) Cortland "The trains run on time." Setlow Drew "surpriseD alum and sword salesman par excellence" Szafran Stephen "The Proginator" Karpf (Is that a word? -t) Jazz "I want to go to Swarthmore, so I can Hunt every day" Karpf JESSICA "MONKEYS" ROBINS JONATHAN "I EAT ARMS & MEN" SCHNEIDER* Like "they told me about the Hunt - what's this meeting?" Lu Bhadrika "Julie "Bhadrika "Julie "Bhadrika ..... (Segmentation fault!! -t) Wolf "Scale Monger" Karpf MARK "NOT MUCH BURBLING" HANDLER Rebecca "Making up for lost time" Sela Abby "like an elephant, only small and yellow and unable to breathe on land, the sunfish approached the peanut and ate it. Sadly, he was allergic." Friedman Rebecca "Now it is 3 meetings" Sela (But you've already been sentient once... -t) Abby "fish for sale! Going for a song" Friedman (Ghotiheads, ghotiheads, roly-poly ghotiheads... -t) Mai "Michael Jackson" (Acha-HOO! -t) * THIS FOOTNOTE IS A HORDE OF ONE^Ù /***********/ /* The End */ /***********/ Thanks for watching! A Death, Time, and War Production