/*********************/ /* This Week in SWIL */ /*********************/ Friday, October 3rd - Pterodactyl Hunt, 6:30pm, Parrish Parlors Saturday, October 4th - Saturday Night SWIL: Drinking Card Games, 7pm, Parrish Parlors Sunday, October 5th - Roundsing, 7pm, Belltower /***************/ /* SWILNews #4 */ /***************/ //There is a Distortion in the SWILNews #4-Time Continuum!// /********************/ /* Non-SWILBusiness */ /********************/ The Rabble will have been pathetic, at Time's instigation. The Yankees, on the other hand, were not, having won something Mai doesn't understand. Amy' went to the Franklin Institute on Sunday, while other people had a Roundsing at 7PM on Sunday. Then, on Tuesday, the tense of this sentence changes and the SCDC meeting occurs. Those who go, defying Disney and Microsoft and risking the wrath of the RIAA, install Linux on their computers. Abby would have celebrated the Yankees' victory by going out to Dim Sum, but instead, all of SWIL was sucked backward in time 20 minutes, and we had /****************/ /* SWILBusiness */ /****************/ Mai took notes. (Fortunately, she gave them to me so I could catch up to War -t) The Pterodactyl Hunt was next Friday, being October 3. Monster Orientation started at 6:30, with monsters bringing whatever costumes they were instructed to bring, and some of them receiving bits of their own (heads, wings, ducts) The Hunt was also a smashing success. Thanks, everyone who participated, and even more to everyone who will have propped for it! Mai's notes proclaim her a mercenary, therefore it must be true. This news was greeted by a distinct lack of people trying to hire her. It seems the Rabble is stupid, as well as dumb, as the notes also proclaim that Mai is a lot smarter than y'all anyway. Time had really gross taste in cereal. This was proven by his blathering on continually so he didn't have to eat it. (The next section of the notes are seditious and vile. War will arrest Mai under the SWIL PATRIOT act and sentence her to write the rest of this SWILnews. -w) War came in late, but that's OK because he's really such a wonderful fellow, isn't he? So wonderful that he causes another Time fluctuation, sending all of SWIL back to /********************/ /* Non-SWILBusiness */ /********************/ Which occurred before Mai's arrest, as the next thing that will be happening is that Mai will be being really hot. In any event, the meeting will be going on too long, and Adam Oleksa is smelling, so the meeting was called to /****************/ /* SWILBusiness */ /****************/ As despite the heat radiating from Mai, Blake and Time determine to hold a bake sale in order to solve the problem of too few shelves in the library. Nominate Baked Goods, You Stupid Inedible People! SWIL Saturday Night is a story reading in the CRC. Next week's (Oct. 4) SWIL Saturday Night is Drinking Card Games, in Parrish Parlors. Bring drinks and card games. Mai moves to the other side of the presidents' table to report on the Iron Chef competition between War, who's preparing for a pudding fight, and Blake, who is magarinally better and is therefore declared the winner. (Ow, you didn't have to use a frying pan -w) Abby has not outlived her usefulness...or...institutional memory. She is also a timesink, and therefore had not outlived it, was not outliving it, is not outliving it, does not outlive it, will not outlive it, will not have outlived it, would not outlive it, would not haveĀ— And then Mai managed to hit the fast-forward button, bringing us to the part of the SWILnews where she was voted Talon Karrde. /***********/ /* Lottery */ /***********/ Everyone give Megan a hand, for winning the lottery! Wait, the mystery bowl already did. And it's stretchy, too! Using the hand as a primitive propulsion agent, SWILmeeting used the gravitational pull of Sharples to pull itself entirely into the realm of pseudoscience and back to /****************/ /* SWILBusiness */ /****************/ Sam was voted the "Cat for the rest of the year," which, if the time fluctuations don't cease, will be a lifetime post (Or maybe just for a few seconds -d) Enough time has passed, however, for Jackie's doppelganger to have received parole, so it is now on the loose again. I love the smell of old cheese and sweaty gym socks in the morning...it smells like Time! Andrew claims to be sentient because of a long list of stuff that Time will paste into SWILnews here, or maybe will forget and just send SWILnews out as is. According to Merriam-Webster, sentient means 'responsive to or conscious of sense impressions', 'aware', or 'finely sensitive in perception or feeling'. Given the fact that without my glasses, I can't see anything further than two feet away, I'll ignore the third definition. Also, I feel that the first definition is lacking somewhat. Also, according to Merriam-Webster, aware is defined as 'having or showing realization, perception, or knowledge'. Thus, to prove my sentience, I must show that I have knowledge, ie that I know something, Therefore, I put forth this list of things that I know as evidence of my sentience: -The sky appears to be blue due to the scattering of blue light by the atmosphere. -The speed of light is approximately 300,000,000 meters/sec. -The proximity of the 'c' and 'x' button on a keyboard makes a Freudian slip very easy when you talk about velocity. -SWIL is the third-coolest thing in the universe. -Anyone who gets an adrenaline rush from doing math homework is a certified nerd. -There is nor problem that cannot be solved through a suitable application of duct tape, WD-40, or dynamite. -95% of all world-domination plots are never implemented because the evil genius in question is lazy. -At least three people I know have believed me to be evil or the devil incarnate. -The 'plum pudding' model makes chemistry sound much tastier than it actually is. -I share a name with one of the most powerful hurricanes of the late 20th century. -My phone extension is 3397. -Someday, reality television will die. -This will be the happiest day of my life. -Socks first, then shoes. -30% of Americans would rather be run through a meat grinder than watch 10 minutes of C-SPAN. -87% of all statistics are made up on the spot. -Unless you see real data, any statistic of 10 or 90% is most likely made up. -All science are built almost entirely on data that fit the assumptions. -It is impossible to lick your elbow. -Pick a number between 1 and 4. Most of you just picked an irrational number to spite me. -There is no statement so innocuous that a sufficiently dirty mind cannot corrupt it. -At least one of you thought about trying to lick your elbow. There is no upper limit to the amount of clutter a person can accumulate on a desk. -"Magic Time" by Barbara Hambly and Marc Scott Zircee is definitely a book I would recommend if I was a stupid, illiterate person. -You can't start from nowhere. -At least one of you wanted to make an objection on that point. -Calculus. -Nothing warms the heart like a fireball to the chest. -You will not be barred the presidency because your kindergarten teacher wrote 'eats paste' on your permanent record. -If you're under 5'7", though, you're out of luck. -The correct way of saying it is 'if I were a stupid, illiterate person.' Meeting will be called to order. The source of the time fluctuation will reveal itself to be ALL TIME'S FAULT, as the notes say. /*******************/ /* Attendance List */ /*******************/ //Attendance List of Being All Alone// Mai "Talon Karrde" Pucik Horatio "Make it so" Hornblower Andrew "You Bastard" Conforti Brown Adam "Founder" Oleksa Ben "The Desolate" Thuronyi Alex "Do poodles dream of half-shorn sheep?" Pshenichkin Megan "He's a spec" Nelson Derek "I'm a spec" Shiller Jackie "Rowsdower" Werner Jackie "Rowsdower" Werner Brittany "Bobcat" Connell ~Samantha Crane: "Feeds on Evil...and fish!" Jillian *Now with 100% magical dancing shoes!* Waldman Michael "Take starch. Apply copious amounts of *lipidinous death!!!*" Noda (Fat chance of that! -d) benjamin 'and now Amanda is seriously ill' r, george Abby "they always scream when the eyes pop out" Friedman (And when the Yankees win the division -w) Amy' "It's not lonely under the table" Marinello Blake "Know Blake, Know Peace" C.M. Setlow Sarah Owocki Blair "Moineux" Reaser "Baron" Harold von Strecker John "Can't lick his elbow" Finkbiner Nick "Who stole my Jujubes?" Ward Mark "I did" Handler JC "Do. There is no try or 'do not.'" Ravage /***********/ /* The End */ /***********/ This SWILnews had been brought to you by The Mark of Death This SWILnews was being brought to you by This SWILnews will be brought to you by The Nick of Time This SWILnews will have been brought to you by The Ravage of War