/***************/ /* SWILNews #2 */ /***************/ //Attack of Super Foam Monster! in SWILNews #2-D!!// suuuuuuuuuuuuupeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrfooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmoooooooooooooooonnnstEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!! /****************/ /* SWILBusiness */ /****************/ Rabble was pathetic!!! With exception of Power Banana! You must use Secret Van Technique to unite for Ultimate RenFaire Attack!! Unless we find Hidden Passengers, there will be room Tomorrow! (I wonder if Kim-Jong Il has an Ultimate RenFaire Attack after he morphs into a 70 foot tall robot... -t) (Not that again! -d) (Mmmm... onions... -t) When the bell struck seven, Saturday Night SWIL was born and all the earth fell under a second Parlor Game!!! (Don't you mean Shadow? -t) Full! Contact!!! Red Light!! Green Light!!! Violent Games come again with a Wink on next Saturday Night SWIL! If Saturday Night SWIL rules earth, a filksing could be occured! (Filk is the folk music of science fiction fandom. -spp) It is a calm day in Neo-Swarthmore. Jillian, the Presidents' Right Hand Man, rules with a right hand. Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey on the horizon, lurking beyond edge of Monday. Using modern cybernetic super-technology, Sock Puppet Pterodactyl, with help from his army of minions MarkJillianNoda, made George stronger, faster, BETTER than before!!! (Do we have six million dollars in the budget? -t) (Maybe we can turn the foam monsters on Budget Committee... ::cackles menacingly:: -d) ALERT, ALERT! Non-member new approaching!! UNIDENTIFIED! UNIDENTIFIED!!! Identify self! I am unit Miriam Newman. Prepare to be color-blinded! As she approaches, the loudspeaker booms: "" (Don't forget the Plato quote! -t) (I won't! -t) (You'd better not... -t). Adam concentrated and activated transformational powers. Suplex leaping into action, and changing his gray shirt into a red jacket (At least he's not a red shirt. -t) (Death, I said he's not a red shirt! -t) (You would, wouldn't you. -d) (Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam!!! -t), Adam became Super Sentience Defender!!! (You're sick Time. Sick, sick, sick. -d) (I know. Mu-hu-hu-hahahaha!!! -t) Never you'll win, Evil Miriam Invador!!! Evil Miriam invasion was defeated and dismembered. Her left arm is kept in Presidential Research Underground Headquarters. Level 15 psychic disturbance detected in grid 17 by 43 by 12. Location: Seville's Barber Shop. Subject: Lord Jerome Fung. Ha. Ha. Ha. My new French Opera POWER is unSTOPPABLE!!! When I get haircut, the world will be mine, and I will sing!!! Now, to increase my power, I will join forces with Jackie Werner and her Doppelganger of Doom!!! With our powers united... (Hey! That's our line! -j&g) (Who's line is it anyway? -t) (The points don't matter, I tell you! The points don't matter!!! -d) Oh. Sorry. Well, united with these criminal masterminds, we will be smarter than the average... criminal mastermind. Yes, and you will bow before our Super-Sentient Power!!! (Not on my watch, evil doers! -t) Super Sentience Defender approach ruins of Neo-Swarthmore. Never you'll win, Lord Fung! All your limbs are belong to us! (Hello, gentlemen! -t) Now, the city can rest in peace, and go see Neal Stephenson read passages from his new Quicksilver book at the UPenn Bookstore on Saturday, October 4th. /***********/ /* Lottery */ /***********/ Lord Fung, though defeated, use psychic power to influence probability. Even his power was not enough to penetrate the veil of mystery that surrounds Mystery Bowl! Inside are miniature Inquiseteur du Griffon! Now evil Lord trapped forever in Negavertic Role-playing Dimension! /********************/ /* Non-SWILBusiness */ /********************/ Citizens! Tune your broacast boxes to WSRN (91.5 FM, or wsrn.swarthmore.edu) and be enthralled by the voices of Mark on Monday 2-4 and Dan Blim Sundays 10-11 and Arthur on Wednesday mornings 8-10!! Despite best work of research scientists, The Abby still likes N*Sync! We must prevent the contagion from spreading!!! No part of new Science Center 2003 will have name after N*Sync! (Not even the chem lab disposal areas? -w) (As much I'd like to cover Joey in caustic chemicals, chemicals cost... ick!! -t) (Hahahaha! -d) Old Ben Kenobi has a web page. (A webmaster must use his power only for knowledge and defense, never for attack! -t) (::whimper:: -d) SWAPA is super kicky awesome!!!!!!! Examples be made available soon! With SWIL Amateur Publishing Association powers, you too can be hero! (These are extremely long... -d) (Feeel the power!! -w) (Hey, are you guys leaving me out of a purity point? -t) (Context! Context!! -d) No, we're just talking about Soda Tasting last Friday! Many drank from Spittoon of Ickiness. Perhaps start new fad in America? New data! The Abby gets happy when the Comma is made to whimper! (And time gets happy when Death is made to whimper! -w) (::whimper:: -d) (Hee. -t) Jim demonstrate new Universal Translator Skill!!! He know "with" in French! Better than "phlegm" in Russian! On sale today! (In Russia, phlegm cough up you. -d) (Are you a dirty Red? -t) (Why yes... ::AAAAGGGHH:: -d) (I didn't say that! -d) (Of course not, but the anvil thought you were a Red *Shirt*. -t) (::sigh:: -d) Soon SWIL Board will be rebuilt! Then George and SWIL Board can use their bionic circuits to unite into Super SWIL Storage Unit Tack Exploding Man! Tune in next week, when D&D one-shots will battle evil spellcasters from beyond the moon!! /***********/ /* Credits */ /***********/ //Attendance List of a Boy Named Sue// Adam "The Nielson's are over-rated" Oleksa (Aaaah... -d) ( -w) Jennifer "" Yee (Now who is Jennifer Yee? -w) (Verily, Yee must have met her. -d) (No, really who is she? -w) (Well, we don't know. There's nothing inside the Quotes. -t) Miriam "Nicknames are for wimps" Newman (Making Miriam a wimp, by her own proclamation! -d) (I thought she was Evil, and invading? -t) (Meh. -d) Samuel "YarfMeister" Jenkins (Is that like driving the porcelain bus? -t) (No, it's like crashing the porcelain bus!!! -w) (Ewwww... -dt) Jackie "Mostly harmless" Werner (I played Wink with her... she's decidedly dangerous. -w) (Dangerous? Maybe. Harmless? Yes! -d) Qian "I'm going to seduce you" Qian (If we only look at her reflection in a mirror, her powers can't affect us. Right? -t) (I don't know, you try it first. -d) Megan "It waved its antennae at me" Nelson <- can't write (It's just trying to seduce you. Look in the mirror. -w) (Would that be the Mirror of Desire? -t) Micaela "freshman who hasn't thought of a nickname yet" Baranello (Ah, but what you fail to understand is, you already have. -d) (That's too long... we should acronymize it! -w) (FWHTOANY! -t) (Maybe not. Moving on... -d) Eliza "Lobster stick to magnet, BITCH!" Blair (Didn't she swear last week too? -t) (She must be an Oathsworn! -w) (You mean a monk, right? -t) (Can't tell you. You're not a monk. -d) "Marduk" Andrew Conforti Brown, "The Quiet One" (No respect for proper formatting... -t) Jerome "Rain rain go away" Fung (So he's abdicating? -d) (No, he just forgot he has psychic weather controlling powers. -t) Abby "Drink up, me hearties, yo-ho" Friedman, oy capisce eh arrrrrrrr! (Mmm... liquid hearties... -w) Jim "Actually, it stands for 'Trespassers Welcome'" Moskowitz (I don't want to know. -t) John "~~~~~~~" Finkbiner (That's a violation of the Misuse of Squiggle Artifacts Act! -t) (That's a perfectly good way to sine his name! -d) ( -t) Amy' "Two down, one to go" Marinello (You're not proving sentience again, are you? -d) benjamin 'this spell ought to burn something...' r, george ~Sam "In the breakfast room I am "the other Sam", but in SWILMeetings I RULE!!! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!" Crane (Ooo.. next week's villain? -d) (I agree! -t) Rachel "What's the difference between JC?" Sapiro (Zah? -t) Jillian "I made all the frosh make swords (go make sword now)" Waldman (She's not trying another coup, is she? -d) (No, I think she just cast Word of Command. -t) (Is JC asleep? -d) (Sort of. -w) (All right, carry on. -d) Michael "Proud X Middle School Lobster" Noda Raoul "Weigher of souls: now $0.79 an ounce!" Bagley (That's a bargain! Don't you have souls lying around? -t) (No, I'm plain souled out. -d) ( -t) B.C. "fake boyfriend" Phillips Ben "a carbonated life form" Newman (How many times have I told you, don't expose the soda tasting spittoon to mutatron particles! -t) Arthur "Now more filling" Chu (Chew! Cheeewwww!! -t) Jonathan "I'm not really here!" Schneider (Well, where are you then? -d) (I don't know. I'm Time, not Space. -t) Abby "redux" Friedman oy capische eh arrrrrrrr! (Does that mean you were originally created by Francis Ford Coppola? -t) Nick "Shaka, when the walls fell..." Ward (I don't understand. -d) (You mean, "Shaka, when the walls fell". -t) MARK "OH, THAT CEL-RAY AFTERTASTE" HANDLER /***********/ /* The End */ /***********/ Thanks to our guest spp, the Sock Puppet Pterodactyl. Copyright ©2003. A Death, Time, and War Production.