From daniel @ sccs.swarthmore.edu Tue Jun 3 22:29:37 2003 Date: Wed, 30 Oct 2002 22:02:46 -0500 (EST) From: BDan Fairchild Reply-To: presidents @ swil.org To: The SWIL List: ; Subject: You cannot escape, SWILNews #6 ***SWILAnnouncements*** Pumpkin Caroling: We'll be meeting in Parrish Parlours at 6 pm tomorrow (Thursday) to go Pumpkin Caroling, in which we will walk around and sing pumpkin carols (i.e. Halloween songs) to people. Wear costumes! SWILoween: SWIL's annual Halloween costume party will be held starting October 33rd (November 2nd) in the WRC. If you haven't already given Nick $3 for food, do it by Friday, or it will cost more. Activities will include Mafia, the M&M game, truth or dare, gaming, and more. SWIL Reunion: The weekend of November 8th to 11th. Filk and round singing, gaming, storyreading, movies, frisbee golf, and lots of hanging out with nifty alums. And you can volunteer to host one of them. [SWILNews #6 awakens to a loud whirring noise in a strange room. He looks out the window and concludes that the fan is definitely not pathetic. However, he has no idea where he is. An episode title hangs ominously in mid-air.] ***SWILBusiness*** The Rabble were so pathetic were so pathetic that SWILNews #2 had to call them to disorder twice. SWILNews #6 suspected that this meant that they had all been lulled into complacently, or else were all collaborators. The citizens of the village will not be playing 104-person Mafia at the SWIL Reunion. On a tour of the mental health facility, SWILNews #6 discovered former secret agent ~Elliot babbling incoherently. When he asked the nurse why nothing was being done for him, she replied, "We voted that he should stay this way. This is a democracy, after all." SWILNews #6 discovered that SWILoween, held on October 33rd, would conflict with the erotic poetry reading. A loudspeaker crackled to life, and blared "Attention all residents! Give money to Nick, or he will send the security weather balloon after you! Also, Abby has cake." SWILNews #2 called up SWILNews #6 and asked if he was going to adapt to life in the Village, and go to the TolkienFest at Drexel on November 16th. He also told him that the Balrog kicked royal ass. SWILNews #6 suspected that there was some sort of massacre planned, but whenever he tried to get details, they told him that it was too early to talk about it. SWILNews #2 ordered that an extra hour be inserted into the day, and that it be ambiguous, in order to further confuse SWILNews #6. SWILNews #6 realized that, as he had failed to go through the dialogue from the opening credits, nothing important had happened at meeting. He instantly moved to correct the situation. "Where am I?" "In SWILMeeting." "What do you want?" "The Cartesian Diver. We want the Cartesian Diver." "You won't get it." "By hook or by crook, we will." "Whose side are you on?" "That would be telling." "Who are you?" "The new SWILNews #2." "Who is SWILNews #1?" "You are SWILNews #6." "I am not a number, I am a free SWILNews!" "Mwa-ha-ha-ha! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!" The Village Council sponsored a Lottery to encourage gambling. Number Ben won an educational and informative Cartesian diver, and promptly tried to use it to escape. Unfortunately, the security weather balloon got him. ***NonSWILBusiness*** To cheer up SWILNews #6, in hopes that he would spill some information, Number Kyra showed Fawlty Towers after the SWILMeeting, and Number JC organized a running around and whacking each other with foam swords event. Former secret agent Jonathan confided in SWILNews #6 that he wanted to organize a trip to see Naqoyqatsi, the second sequel to Koyaanisqatsi, and that interested villagers should contact him at jschnei3. There was a Masquerade Ball at Bryn Mawr, at which SWILNews #6 was put on trial for having a boring costume. He was found guilty, but managed to escape by boarding the Blue Bus. It was Number Abby's birthday last Wednesday, so she hates us, despite the fact that the entire village celebrated it. SWILNews #6 attempted to escape from the village by going to the house filk in Philadelphia, but he was thwarted when he couldn't find it. The Attendance List of Giant Whirling Fans of Death ~Elliot "Revlon is the new Sharples!" Reed Abby "Ice cream is the new pink!" Friedman Adrian "ooh! blade barrier!" Packel^H^H^H^H^H^H Smith JC "Vlad Taltos" Ravage Arthur "Arthur 'Arthur "Arthur 'Arthur "Arthur.... Chu" Chu' Chu" Chu' Chu" Chu of the infinite nested loop MARK "STALLING THE ATTENDANCE LIST... NOT ENOUGH CLUTCH" HANDLER Ben "GNU-recursive" Mitchell Rachel "this pretty blue dog" Sapiro Ben "AIARA is a recursive acronym" Newman benjamin 'spoit!' r, george JONATHAN "HASTA LA VISTA, BABY" SCHNEIDER* Kyra "lactose-intolerant (this is a thesis joke)" Jucovy Rebecca "beware the women of the warrior for anything they touch is both decorative and deadly#" Kuipers BDan "~Elliot did it" Fairchild James "What a pathetically short attendance list" Madison # actually does refer to a whirling fan of death * THIS FOOTNOTE GAINS KNOWLEDGE AT A GEOMETRIC RATE Be seeing you! Number Ruly, Number Kempt, Number Sheveled, and Number Couth