From daniel @ sccs.swarthmore.edu Tue Jun  3 22:28:46 2003
Date: Thu, 26 Sep 2002 03:08:34 -0400 (EDT)
From: BDan Fairchild 
Reply-To: Presidents 
To: The SWIL List:  ;
Subject: SWILNews Aptitude Test #3


Please remember to fill in your social security number in full in Area
14b.  Mark all your answers clearly in purple pen and be sure to fill in
exactly 3/7 of the appropriate hexagon.  Please do not pencils, as they
cannot be picked up by the telepathic reader.  Please remember to fill in as
many right answers as possible for each question.

Section 1: Quantitative Writing
***SWILBusiness***

1. The rabble were
	a. starfish.
	b. apathetic.
	c. pathetic.
	d. x=3.

2. In the passage, the author claims that the presidents
	a. accused the rabble of putting THAT QUESTION on the Practice GRE.
	b. presented, as evidence, the Practice GRE booklet with THAT
	   QUESTION.
	c. found the rabble guilty of putting THAT QUESTION on the Practice
	   GRE.
	d. sentenced them to chocolate for putting THAT QUESTION on the
	   Practice GRE.
	e. refused to say what THAT QUESTION was in the SWILNews.

3. Chocolate is
	a. delicious.
	b. painful when thrown at one.
	c. a sentence.
	d. not a complete sentence.

4. The presidents would like to thank
	a. Kyra, for complimenting ~Elliot on his nice tits.
	b. ~Elliot, for having nice tits.
	c. Matt and Amy', for driving to RenFaire.
	d. the National Kumquat Regulatory Commission, for always keeping
	   the interests of the consumer in mind.

5. The 24th Annual SWIL Reunion T-Shirts
	a. will feature the image at http://www.swil.org/shirts/r24/.
	b. are available in Ash Grey, Purple, Lime Green, and Black.
	c. can be ordered by emailing bgeorge1.
	d. must be ordered by noon, EDT on Monday, September 30th, 2002.
	e. all of the above.

6. The "all night" storyreading on Saturday will 
	a. be at Bryn Mawr (for a more specific location, talk to BDan or
	   Comma)
	b. start after dinner, and go till sometime late.
	c. feature lots of people reading short stories (< 20 minutes).
	d. including you, perhaps.

7. Submit to BEM
	a. prose
	b. poetry
	c. artwork
	d. Star Trek Furry fanfic.
	e. anything but d.

8. PTERODACTYL HUNT is to FUN, ALL-CAMPUS EVENT HOSTED BY SWIL as
  	a. SIGNING UP TO BE A MONSTER is to EMAILING jravage1.
  	b. BEING FREE THE EVENING OF OCTOBER 4 is to BEING ABLE TO BE IN THE 
	   HUNT.
  	c. BEING FREE THE EVENING OF OCTOBER 5 is to BEING ABLE TO BE IN THE 
	   HUNT IF IT RAINS ON OCTOBER 4.
	d. SIGNING UP TO BE A SQUIRE is to PARTICIPATING NONVIOLENTLY IN THE
	   HUNT AND EARNING OUR ETERNAL LOVE AND RESPECT.

9. An unnecessary SWILvote was held to
	a. force ~Elliot to write a thesis.
	b. take away BDan's hammer.
	c. have an irrelevancy alarm.
	d. cut down on unnecessary SWILvotes.

10. Column A				    Column B
     a duck		The number of frivolous questions in this SWILNews
	a. The quantity in Column A is greater than the quantity in Column B.
	b. The quantity in Column A is less than the quantity in Column B.
	c. The two quantities are equal.
	d. The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am.

11. You can join the Fun List by
	a. sending email to majordomo @ swil.org with 
		subscribe fun
	   in the body.

12. What is Philcon?
	a. The Philaldelphia Science Fiction Convention.
	b. Something that features
		i. filking
		ii. panels
		iii. famous people
		iv. dealers
		v. readings
		vi. artwork
		vii. all of the above
	c. Talk to BDan.
	d. The relationship between the quantities cannot be determined from
the information given.

13. Amanda and Ted are painting Ted's ceiling.  If Ted's ceiling is 13' by
17', and paint is $3.46 per gallon, how long will it take Amanda to realize
that something is a little bit strange about Ted?
	a. We considered the idea of throwing an all-campus study 
	   break.  People should bring ideas to meeting next week.
	b. Abby petitioned for a lottery ticket because she was detained
 	   against her will.
	c. Last Monday's movie was Yellow Submarine.
	d. Next Monday's movie will be Flight of the Navigator.

14. A glass eggplant was won in the lottery by
	a. the Magic Loops.
	b. a coalition of Tasmanian investors headed by Al Bloom.
	c. JC.
	d. The relationship between the quantities cannot be determined from
	   the information given.

STOP.  You have completed the Quantitative Writing Section.  If there is
time remaining, you may go back and check your results.  Do not turn to any
other section.

Section 2: Written Quantification
***NonSWILBusiness***

1. Where and when is Octavia Butler speaking?
	a. Kathmandu, on October 8th, 1142.
	b. Tau Scorpii, on February 29th, 2433.
	c. Temple University, on November 7th, 2002, at 10 am.
	d. at 3i + 7k.

2. What is Silver Lake Publishing?
	a. A Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror publishing house.
	b. Run by SWIL alumna Steph Weidner.
	c. Purveyor of books in electronic and print formats.
	d. A pervy hobbit fancier.

3. What should you do if you have a sudden urge to watch The Prisoner this
Friday?
	a. Go to Greylock 301.
	b. Get Jimmosk to let you in.
	c. Make sure you show up by 7.
	d. Stick around afterwards to play games (starting about 9).

4. Read the following passage carefully:

The Attendance List of Vitiating the ETS

~Elliot "What the hell does 'vitiate' mean, anyway?" Reed
benjamin 'the mawkish little bastards...' r, george
BDan "Third in battle, somewhere in the middle in retreat" Fairchild
Azazel "I should have a tail" the Powerbook
Abby "black because I DIED" Friedman
Rebecca "I give my soul^TM to Kyra" Kuipers
Kyra "It's a bad idea to name ANYONE after the son of Lucifer" Jucovy
Rachel "Sitting on the wrong side of the table." Sapiro
Ben "The Miriad powers of Chocolate" Mitchell
Adrian "well, 'vituperation' means 'sustained and bitter railing,' or
	something..." Packel (Why would you try to eat a railing, anyway, 
				especially if it's bitter? -c)
Rebecca "what am I doing here" DeSantis
JC "Robb Stark" Ravage
Jim "Vichy ate France" Moskowitz
JONATHAN "GUILTY AS CHARGED" SCHNEIDER*
MARK "A PLAGUE ON BOTH MY NOSTRILS" HANDLER
David "... wait, I can't come up with a witty quote!" Benitez+
Ben "vote early and often" Newman
Callicles 'How jejune.' the Moose
Kelsey "Wait, I don't get to write with the Purple Pen(TM)?"
Nick "I'm not late! You're all early!!" Ward**t@

**t@ Voted latest footnote added... ever!!
+ Voted "Sexiest footnote in SWIL history".  Avec amour, Benitez
* VOTED "SEXIEST FOOTNOTE IN AMERICA"

Which SWILPresident does the author claim is responsible for the Norman
Conquest?
  	a. Ruly
  	b. Kempt
  	c. Sheveled
  	d. Couth