From daniel @ sccs.swarthmore.edu Tue Jun  3 22:28:05 2003
Date: Wed, 4 Sep 2002 20:15:54 -0400 (EDT)
From: BDan Fairchild 
Reply-To: Presidents 
To: The SWIL List:  ;
Subject: SWILNews #0 is armed and dangerous.

Do not attempt to approach it yourself.  If you see SWILNews #0, alert local
authorities and then go hide.

SWILNews #0 is wanted in connection with many questionable
***SWILBusiness***
dealings.

There is no agenda.

We voted in favor of calling something to a vote.

We decided to vote on whether to play Challenge Chess or Live Chess at the
Activities Fair.

People pointed out that on the one hand, Live Chess is boring, but on the
other hand, Challenge Chess is complicated.  (On the gripping hand... -c)

We voted to play Challenge Chess.  However, pundits expressed concern over
allegations that SWILNews #0 had threatened or bribed several senators and
had replaced key ballots with live ferrets. (this theme needs more
ferrets. -k)

Nothing important has happened at meeting yet.  (Twenty to life just for
this alone. -s)

It is believed that many members of SWILNews #0's vast criminal organization
are planning a trip to the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire on Sunday,
September 15th.  Anyone who wants to go should sign up at the next meeting
or contact presidents @ swil.org.

We voted that the getaway van should be able to accelerate.  (But we want to
get to RenFaire, not get away from it. -c) (but we need to get back,
too. -k) (Enh. -c)   (The other presidents have decided to discuss
phonology.  -s) (How do you spell 'phonology'? -s) (p-h-o-n-o-l-o-g-y
-c) (i'm not sure we should give him this information.  he'll use it only
for evil. -k) (Mwa ha ha! -s) Then we voted that it should be able to change
velocity instantaneously.  Then we voted that it should be able to change
location instantaneously.

Star Wars, the original trilogy (Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, and The
Return of the Jedi) will be shown in Kirby (Martin 201) on Thursday.

Submit to BEM!

Last Monday's SWILMovie was Dr. Strangelove.  Next Monday's movie will be
The Dark Crystal.

SWILNews #0's accomplices introduced themselves to the frosh.

There was all day gaming in Sharples on Monday.  (The other presidents are
still talking about phonology.  I will therefore take over this SWILNews -s)

SWILNews #0 then declared Sheveled to be the All-Powerful God Emperor of
SWIL.  All praised his holy and majestic name.  (Couth has now taken back
the SWILNews. -c) (Fortunately, being an outlaw, SWILNews #0's decisions
have no weight. -c) (seconded. -k)

SWILNews #0 then perpetrated an illegal gambling scheme, in which Jim won a
diminutive mug and lizard, suitable for gluing to various things.

But the tendrils of the worldwide criminal conspiracy extended even into
***NonSWILBusiness***

There was gaming Saturday afternoon and Saturday evening in Kohlberg.  (yay
gaming! -s) (down with mall madness! -kr) (Yay Mall Madness! -c)

There was a storyreading Sunday night.

~Elliot and Qian went for a walk in the Crum Saturday afternoon.

Abby has a salt shaker for undercover spoon.

We are collectively Kaliambassss.


In connection with the ongoing investigations of SWILNews #0's criminal
activities, the House Organized Crime Committee issued subpoenas to a list
of suspected conspirators:
The Attendance List of Bad Beginnings

D. Benitez - 2006 - dbenite1
Matt "stuck in a small room" Fowles
Abby "oh no, not again" Friedman
chaos "i am the class of '94! run and hide!" golubitsky
MARK "DRAWING A                " HANDLER
JC "Calyne" Ravage
Rachel "Can't think at all" Sapiro
Blake "Count Olaf" Setlow
benjamin 'eep?' r, george
Callicles 'spoit!' the Moose
~Elliot "I can't be a senior now!" Reed
BDan "accelerated depravity" Fairchild (Ooh, my quote is
apropos. -c) (mmmm... depravity. -k)
Qian "Times are tough for dreamers" Qian
Jim "to the vile miasma from whence it spawned" Moskowitz
				(oh, wait, that's a bad _ending_)
Ross "The Ross" Messing
Liz "Hi, I'm Liz. Wait, no, you're liz, I'm, uh" Bada ebadal


If you have any evidence about the activities of SWILNews #0, please contact
Ruly, Kempt, Sheveled, and Couth