(Can I help write SWILNews? I look just like Darkness, except for the beard thing and the guy thing. -p) (Just for that, yes. -gs) (The halls are alive, with the sound of SWILlies -s) Act I: *** SWILBusiness *** (He [Dan Blim] is pulling my leg! -g) (That's not a song! -s) (I *tried* to do a song, but apparently you didn't like it! -g) (I didn't hear it. -s) (With the jokes they have made, for 23 years! -g) ( -p) The Place: Austria The Time: Right now Arial Shot: Stone, Gold, Darkness and Heart of Palm are standing in Sharples Room 4, spinning around in circles. (Except that Darkness isn't here. -p) (We're also not in Sharples Room 4, so I think that's okay. -g) (Or spinning around in circles. -p) ( -g) (See, we're really in a soundstage (aka "Small Room" -s) and they'll digitally enter Darkness later. -s) They sing. When submissions to BEM Come from SWIL [all of them!] That's a moray. (Can we do the electric slide now? -s) When you step on an eel And it sticks to your heel That's amore. (Hey. We're SWIL. We love weird. -s) When you sneak past their backs In a short quick attack That's a foray. (Shouldn't it have something to do with BEM? -p) (No. -g) The scene switches to an abbey, where Nick is talking to Qian. They are wearing traditional nun's habits. Both of them. (What kind of habits do nuns have? -p) (Singing, apparently. -s) Nick: It's almost Friday night, and I must must must must must (5 part harmony, baby! -s) get paid! Qian: You mean people haven't given you $3 yet so they can go to Inauguration on the Friday the 25th of January? Stone: Hey! I got this special one-time offer! Qian: Read the fine print. You still have to pay. Stone: Man. (Qian's not a man, she's a nun. -p) (So's Nick, but I sincerely hope he's a man. -s) (O-kay. -g) It's 12:15. It's also 12/15. Yes. Right now. Scene change: Stone, Gold, Darkness and Palm return to the abbey, where they are told off by Nick and Qian for missing Vespers. They leave. A whole lot of SWILlies help the Kegger be fun, Kegger be fu-un, Kegger be fun. A whole lot of SWILlies help the Kegger be fun, When they give us their ideas. [E-mail the presidents to get on to the Kegger (e- -s)mailing list] No-mi-nate books you stupidilliteratepeople (that doesn't scan! -s) (Yes it does. You just have to say it really really reallyreallyfast! -g) Stupidilliteratepeople, Stupidilliteratepeople. No-mi-nate books you stupidilliteratepeople And read them all in Bird-wai-ner (why don't we just use Supercallifragilistic for this? -p) (It's funnier. -s) Next semster, the first movie will be The Seventh Seal. The second movie will be THE WIZARD OF SPEED AND TIME! Yeah yeah yeah! Whoooooooooooo! ( Whoo whoo whoo! -s) (Who's Arsenio? -p) (Arsenio HALL? -s) ( -p) (I feel old. -s) (I never watched him, but I know who he is. Vaguely. -g) (But you've heard of him! -s) (And this is *me.* -g) And now the scene switches again. Gold, Stone, Darkness and Palm, tired of baby-sitting for seven annoying children, have broken out the capguns. Rabble: Suddenly thugtrons Are standing beside me, Bringing a message To me from Big Al. Suddenly waitrons Are here to provide me, Rachel and Nick are My new favorite pals. (Nick and Rachel are _cooL_! -d) Act II: *** SWILlottery *** Kyra won the lottery! She got an all-expenses paid date with Britney Spears! Kyra quivered. Darkness offered her crayons instead. Act III: *** NonSWILBusiness *** Gold, Stone, Darkness and Palm are on the run from the Nazi agents who snuck in during Act II, while you were blinded by the beauty of Britney Spears! On Saturday, Arcadia showed MST3K:Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and Franz Kafka's It's a Wonderful Life. "Giggly girls are Kafka-esque?" "Well... these ones are." The next MST3K showing will take place the Wednesday after break (January 23) in Trotter 203. Be there, or be triangular. John is going to get more noodles. (Don't start that haircut carp. -s) (Carp? -g) (Can I have a blub? -s) Old Ben is getting the Dark Crystal book. Contact him to see it next semester, in a special one-time only oppo...wait. Wrong SWILNews. (We haven't had a song in awhile. -g) (We're on the run from Nazi agents and you want to *sing*? -s) People will no longer be abroad next semester. But Kyra will become Rebecca K. Nick and JC are both running RPGs next semester. Whoo! Act IV: *** The Attendance List of Sweaty Tree Farewells -- 12/15/01 *** Abby "So long" Friedman (and thanks for all the fish! (It was my quote! Mine! -g) (You're so needy. Me me me. -s) -gsdp) Amy' "Farewell" Marinello Robert "Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu" McFarland (Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you-ou. Sorry. Ingrained reaction.-s) Arcadia "seeing how many theory books I can pack into the last week of the semester" Falcone Lady of "farewell all, see you on the wall" Shalott Dan "Yes. It is ridiculous to kill one's self." Blim BDan "sparkly brownies" Fairchild Ben "Theories of Everything" Mitchell Rachel "Oh, so this is why I woke up so early this morning." Sapiro JC "The Killer evil... um... nothing in particular... of death" Ravage (Oooh! Giant Rubber Ketchup Bottle! -g) Adam "Due to the existence of Oxygen, my plans for world domination have come to a crashing halt" Oleksa Nick "Unless..." Ward (that's what the Lorax says at the end of the book by the same name, you stupid illiterate people) (Hey. Speak for yourself. I already nominated books. -Snibor Eoj) Kyra "If Scotland's depraved, does that make it sentient?" Jucovy (Has it been to three consecutive meetings? -d) ~Elliot "I never have to enter DuPont again!" Reed (Isn't he double majoring in Physics? -s) (Doesn't he have 3 semesters left? -p) (Maybe he thinks he's Darkness. He's The Other Person, after all. -g) (Is The Other Person like The Other Woman? -d) Ben "Congratulations, Crystal Consortium!" Newman benjamin 'what quote? i didn't see any quote' r, george & Callicles 'Die, you gravy-sucking caribou!' the Moose (Yakkity-yak. Don't talk back. -s) Rebecca "book" Jones John "Left handed" Finkbiner "Green" "Green" Qian! "Green" "Green Green" Raoul "post-final convalescense" Bagley Alex "Look Ma I'm ambidextrous" Flurie (Look Ma: no hands! -s) *** Heart of Gold, Heart of Stone, Heart of Darkness, and Heart of Palm *** ( This is our last pithy comment. -s) (That's not pithy. -g) (Well, I'm just. It's. It's SAD. You work for 2 hard years, pouring (Yes, Mom. -g) your heart and soul (Yes, Mom. -g) and blood into SWIL and then (Yes, Mom. -g) one day, it's just... hey! It's OVER! WHOOOOOOO! (Yes, Mom! -g) -s) ( -gs) ( -d)