C|:-( Voiceover -- Prof. of Mobology Jane "Greyeyes" Fenniless XX C|:-(

Years ago, the dark alleys of Schenectady were ruled by pickpockets, cutthroats, and bootleggers. But the nastiest of the lot were...

...Our faithful and loyal co-Mafiosi, Scarface Prime, Pliers Abigail, and Benny the Whack. Let's visit their underground hideout, the Capisce?, as they lay out their plans for committing tax fraud.

If we're lucky, they may not shoot us in the head.

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Platform -- The Southern Belle Contingent

In addition to their important tax fraud business, our faithful and loyal co-Mafiosi also took a keen interest in local politics: "Pliers, did you happen to go to that rally for the Megan Hallam I heard was in town recently, oy! Capisce?" "Why, yes, Scarface. I copied the words of this Megan exactly. I read them to you, oy capisce?"

The speech of District Representative Hallam is known to have been as follows: "The Democrats took 42% (by executive decree -b) of the votes in Georgia. Therefore, we should suck all of Swarthmore into Georgia because annexation could help things. All SWIL non-members would count as Georgia residents, so they could vote for the Democrats. They would even get free keychains. (You see, she's buying votes! -a) Yo kapiske!"

"I see. So did anything else happen at this rally, oy capisce?" "Well, Kyla Tornheim objected to 'the brevity part'. But as they say, the road to Hell is paved with short people. So if you step all over the little people, you go to Hell, oy capisce?" "But isn't it more that if you go to Hell, you step all over the short people? Unless you're in a wheelchair, in which case you roll all over them instead, oy capisce?"

Of course, there was really always only one thing on these mobsters' minds: "But getting back to the issue of tax fraud, I think that our best move would be to relocate slightly north of here to Canada. Then we can pay our taxes in Canadian money, oy capisce?" "We pay our taxes? Oy capisce!" "Then we could *not* pay our taxes in Canadian money, oy capisce?" "But I have often not paid my taxes in Canadian money, oy capisce?" ( -abq)

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"The soft yogurt machine has coffee, oy capisce eh." -- Sadly, as the feds applied the heat, these mobsters were also often forced to eat food.

(If you thought SWILBusiness was random... -q) "Consigliere Hollis is in the possession of a 'baby thok stick'. Do you think we should be doing something about this situation, oy capisce eh?" -- Once in Canada, the mobsters found it necessary to diversify their arsenal.

"Charlie's Angels is a good movie. I am thinking that we should be getting some of our clientele to be viewing it. Real soon now, oy capisce eh?" -- In a new city, the new clientele needed to be exposed to the cinematic preferences of the co-Mafiosi.

Finally, they perfected their plans for tax fraud: "Hey youse guys, SWAPA has been 'collated', if you catch my meaning, oy capisce eh?" "Great, Scarface. How did you manage to do it so quickly? Oy capisce eh." "Well, I had to step on a few pirate toes. With a cement mixer, oy capisce eh?" -- And so, unprosecuted for the greatest tax fraud ring the world has ever known, our faithful and loyal co-Mafiosi were arrested for murder. (AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrr.... Every mob has to have a pet dead... pirate. -a) They died in jail, a few days later, of tetanus poisoning. I hope you've enjoyed this documentary. Please take the time to sign our guestbook before you go!

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Kyla "signing the piece of paper, not the hit list" Tornheim (Oy capisce eh. Arr. -a)

The Hit List -- 11/18/00
#1 (with A Bullet) Ross "AniMAl 54, WheRe ARe You?" MessiNG (But a bullet meant for whom? Those music dorks? Oy capisce eh? Arr. -q)
JC "Tristen of Amafel" Ravage (Is that like falafel, oy capisce eh? Arr. -b)
A Physics Book (Oy capisce eh? Arr! -b)
A "Fuzzy" MAth Book (Oy capisce eh. Arr. -q)
Rebecca "Let $\epsilon > 0$ be given. Then, there exists a $\delta$..." Paul (ASCII, dammit! ASCII, oy capisce eh? Arr! -a)
benjamin 'sorry, Daphne' r, george (I didn't see a typewriter at meeting. Oy capisce eh. Arr! -a)
& Syntax 'by Donna Jo Napoli' Theory and Problems (Oy capisce eh. Arr. -b)
& Margeret 'I don't see what's wrong with mimes.' the Camera (You wouldn't. Dirty rotten scoundrels. Oy capisce eh? Arr. -q)
& Callicles 'Subtlety... Is... Dead. (at least in _Charlie's Angels_)' the Moose (Heh heh heh... not just in _CA_. Oy capisce eh? Arr. -a) (Heh heh heh... not just subtlety! Oy capisce eh? Arr! -b)
~Elliot "I'm about to resign and I still haven't gotten my graft yet!" Reed (Why is the mob resigning, oy capisce eh? Arr. -q)
Kyra "I am not, however, particularly well-acquainted with the touch of a velvet hand like a lizard on the windowpane." Jucovy (Oy capisce eh. Arr. -abq)
Rachel "I still go by the name my parents gave me" Sapiro (Your middle name is "I still go by the name my parents gave me"? Oy capisce eh. Arr! -q)
Jimmy "Hire some mercenaries, assassins, and nurses to take care of em." Kong (But why assassins? You need tax attorneys! Oy capisce eh? Arr. -a)
Josh "If this quote comes to three consecutive meetings, can we dismember it?" Burdick (It has to prove sentience first. Oy capisce eh? Arr. -b)
Melissa "Froggies on a log, agog -- froggies on a log." Running (Oy capisce eh. Arr. -q)
Jim "Welcome to the Republic of Chad" Moskowitz (Scarface, do you still happen to have that cement mixer handy, oy capisce eh? Arr. -a)
Hollis "Tainted Love" Easter (Woo-oo-ooo, tainted love.... Oy capisce eh. Arr. o/` -aq)
Salt "Sweet Dreams" Shakers (Oy capisce eh. Arr. -b)
Pepper "SWIL Kegger" Shakers (Not more food! Oy capisce eh! Arr! -a)
Megan "Thud... Damn! The pressure is driving me Bonkers!" Hallam (Oy capisce eh. Arr. -q)
( Oy capisce eh. Arr! -b)
Robert "Hit me not" McFarland (He hit me. He hit me not. He hit me! Oy capisce eh? Arr! -q)
Rebecca "forgot my work" jones (Oy capisce eh. Arr. -b)
Abigail "Wesley" Friedman-Price (Oy capisce eh. Arr. -a)
Amy' "In my old seat!" Marinello (Oy capisce eh. Arr. -q)

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Abi-Wan Kenobi, Ben Kenobi, and Queen Amydala

(Abby said if that URL is registered she'll eat her hat! Oy capisce eh? Arr! -q) (I will *not* do it ex post facto! Oy capisce eh? Arr!! -a)