"Heard It Through My Comm Line"                
(to the tune of "Heard It Through the Grapevine")           
[NOTE: works best with Creedence Clearwater Revival version]                               by Ellen Edgerton      

Heard Jean-Luc say to Beverly     
"Doctor, you know you mean a lot to me,     
But I just can't take you as my wife --     
You know that this ship is my entire life."     
She said, "Jean-Luc, don't lie to me --     
It's 'cause you can't stand Wesley."      
You see, I heard it through my comm line     
Must be a malfunction of some strange kind     
Yes sir, I heard it through my comm line     
I really ought to get it fixed sometime     
(Maybe later, yeah)      

Heard Riker say "Oh, Lieutenant Connolly,     
Let's turn the lights down low, it's just you and me."     
It got hot and heavy almost right away     
Till "I love you, Deanna!" I heard him say --     
Heard somebody stomping out the door,     
And then I didn't hear any more --      
For sure!  I heard it through my comm line,     
Must be a malfunction of some strange kind,     
Yes sir, I heard it through my comm line,     
I really ought to get it fixed sometime     
(Maybe later, yeah)      

Heard Data say, "Pardon my query,     
But your mammary glands, they truly puzzle me --     
If we lost our artificial gravity,     
Would they each take their own trajectory?"     
Troi said "Figure it out as best you can --     
Then you'll find out what it means to be a man!"      
Oh yeah and I heard it through my comm line     
Must be a malfunction of some strange kind     
Yes sir I heard it through my comm line     
I really ought to get it fixed sometime     
(Maybe later, yeah)